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iLuvFashion · Jul 31, 2009, 08:04 PM

My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year, everything seems fine, but lately we've been fighting a lot, he disrespects me and tells me how much he hates our relationship. Not only this, but he breaks up with me all the time, then takes me back. I don't understand really. Something very personal happened to me a few weeks ago and he blames me for it, even though I was the victim. He tells me I'm out of shape and I need to be the American Image of a girl, even though I weigh 100 pounds and am very fit, I think he just says that to make me feel like crap. He is shallow and an and he admits it, but I don't know what's going on. He likes to make me feel like Im always doing something wrong, and it lowers myself esteem. There's so much more, but please help me figure it out. He chooses friends over me, especially girls, and never defends me.

zippit · Jul 31, 2009, 08:12 PM

I find your post to be very contradictive

You start everything is fine but...

If your really going to go with the,something personal happen I'm the victim..

You'r boyfriend wouldn't be your biggest proublem.
So what really.. do you want to talk about?

nikosmom · Jul 31, 2009, 08:39 PM

Originally Posted by iLuvFashion

he disrespects me and tells me how much he hates our relationship. Not only this, but he breaks up with me all the time, then takes me back. I dont understand really. ... He tells me I'm out of shape ...I think he just says that to make me feel like crap. ... He chooses friends over me, especially girls, and never defends me.

Everything is not fine.

What's making you hold on? And PLEASE don't say, "But I love him."

He's an inconsiderate jerk that has told you (in so many words) that he doesn't care about the relationship. Besides, he's doing everything he can to push you away.

So seriously, why bother trying to keep someone that doesn't want to be kept?

dincher · Jul 31, 2009, 09:37 PM

Make yourself less and less available until he starts to wonder why. If he doesn't come back and starts valuing your relationship, it was going to be over anyway.

Torrid13 · Jul 31, 2009, 09:48 PM

Going to be over?

This relationship has been in the crapper for a while.

I'm not going to tell you why you need to get away from him, because you already know why.

The question is, do you like being bullied and hurt?

talaniman · Jul 31, 2009, 09:48 PM

If putting you down is your idea of fine, then I would hate to see what goes for happiness really is. Why put up with him at all? Tell him to stop, or take a hike.

destiny20 · Oct 25, 2009, 08:47 AM

I dated a man for seven years and went back in forth with he treats me well and we get closer to he treats me like crap and I break up with him because he is treating me badly. Then he comes back and is on his best behavior and as soon as we get close again he treats me badly and we break up. After seven of years of this I finally ended it with him and started dating someone else. When he got wind of it he came back and proposed. We got married and our lives were the same thing. Seven more years of he treats me well and we get close and then I stop sleeping with him and move out of our room until he treats me well again. I went to my local YWCA for counseling on domestic violence and learned that just because he isn't hitting doesn't mean he isn't abusing me. My exhusband has major issues with commitment and closeness. I don't doubt that he loved me but he needs counseling to deal with his fear of intimacy. Find out what your boyfriend's life was like growing up with his mother. If he had a cold distant mother this could be why he can't maintain close relationships with women. If he can't get help for his issue you need to move on before you end up wasting fourteen years of your life like I did. There are men out there who are healthy and capable of loving relationships.