[HeartBarriers]

Me: Hey Mom, will you get mad if I date an Asian guy?

Mom: Yes.

Me: Why?

Mom: They're no good.

Me: Tell me why they're no good.

Mom: They're sneaky.

Me: What do you mean, sneaky?

Mom: Are you talking about that waiter again?

Me: Yeah...

Mom: He's probably married.

Me: Okay great. Let's say he's not married. What then?

Mom: Just stay away from those people. He probably has an STD.

Me:... You sound like a redneck.

Mom: You need to concentrate on your schoolwork.

Okay so in a nutshell, my mom is an Asian lady who is really suspicious of Asian men. What the heck! I've always secretly wondered what my mom saw that made her that racist. I know she wants her opinion listened to because she's protective of me, but she's being really stubborn and harsh.

Anyway I've been furtively dating someone for approximately three months, and my mom already dislikes him because of his race, religion, and occupation. This really distresses me because I want him to be welcomed into my life. A big part of my life is going to community events where both my family and friends are there.

What can I say to my mom to make her consider giving him a chance before she passes judgment on him? I don't like to date someone in secret, I'm too old for that. I'm anxious to ameliorate the situation.

Oh yeah, and it's okay for me to date an Asian guy if my mom has known him for a while or is a friend of the family. Otherwise she doesn't trust them. Argh D:<

[J_9]

How old are you?

[HeartBarriers]

21, but I still live with my parents.

[N0help4u]

I know you want to please your mom but you are 21 and she can't live your life. You have to be happy with your choices. Mom can give you advice but in the end you have to live with those choices. Your mom isn't living you life.
So you find a guy she is happy with and you may not like?

[HeartBarriers]

Hmmm... but it's not like that. She's not giving me advice, she's adamant that I don't date anyone but a white person. I'm definitely going to stick with this guy, but I feel like if I continue to date him it's going to cause a falling out between my mom and I.

[N0help4u]

Yeah I understand that she is being rather demanding about it. I was saying in general a mother should give you good advice and then it is up to you what to do with that advice.
You are 21. I wouldn't make him an issue. Like don't always be bringing him up to her and seeking her approval. If she knows you are continuing to see him she may just get use to the idea over time.

[HeartBarriers]

Ok I gotcha. Yeah that makes sense, it would just be nice to be able to invite him over to my house for dinner and to hang out once in a while :\ It's frustrating to me that my mom doesn't want to find out what kind of person he is just because of his culture, she just automatically assumes he's the worst kind of person. I suppose I just have to get used to that, yeah?

[N0help4u]

Yeah.
She needs to realize you aren't a little girl that needs protected any more. That you have grown up and need to make your decisions and learn from your experiences.
She should be thankful that you are doing as good as you are. You could be mixed up with the wrong crowd and getting into real trouble.

[HeartBarriers]

Right on. Cool thanks for the advice =)