[rush0303]

Hi,

I am and 28 and I have been friends with a girl for 3 years now who is 4 years elder to me and a divorcée.We have been staying together in a shared apartment for a year.We moved into the house together and we buy our weekly food stuff together.When she cooks she cooks for me as well.No last year I proposed to her, but she said , its not possible because of various family constraints. Since then we have been together.We used to go out for movies together,have food outside and spend most of out time together, mostly like friends, though she always know that I love her more than anything. She has very few friends all other are girls.

Now I did a mistake that I kissed her on her birthday few months back to which she didn't react.Since then she though is in and out.Sometime she is normal , and sometimes she is really upset and turns to me and says she needs some time on her own.But after few days everything comes to normal and we again are hanging out together.

Few days I went home, and when I came back she was totally different.She is cooking a lot, and she keeps it in the fridge, but I don't know whether she expects me to eat it.There are few things which I share from her, she used to keep it in my room, since my room is always open, but now she has moved all those things to her room which she keeps locked.When I tried talking to her, she said ,when I was in india she realized that she has to live without me , as she can't keep thinking about wats happening to our relationship as it bothers her stability.Now she is not talking to at all, and I know I have not done any mistake or anything to hurt her in the recent past.I always keep her happy, but I think she doensnt like my goody goody nature.

I am not sure.Should I take myself off her completely and move on with my life or, should I be as I have always been, and wait for her to realize that she does care for me.(Which I am sure, on the basis of things which has happened in the past).She is so wounded from her past relationship, and she feels that she is spoiling my future just because I'm younger to her , and still a single.Its a complete dillema and I need some serious advise.

What should I do.

[Gemini54]

I found it difficult to tell from what you've written, whether your relationship is sexual or not, and whether it has actually ever been a relationship.

From what I understood, you've shared a household and you've grown to love her but it doesn't sound as if it's reciprocated. It seems from what you say, that it's one sided - and now it sounds as if she's trying to give you the hint that she wants to be separate and disconnect from you.

It may be that you've been too intense and misunderstood the signals that represent a platonic friendship. In any case, I would respect her attempts at separation. Clearly she's doesn't like your advances and wants to distance herself from you.

My advice - actions speak louder than words - you're only deluding yourself if you really believe that she cares for you - get on with your life (move out if you can) and get a real and healthy relationship, not an unhealthy and fantasy one.

[I wish]

She already knows that you care about her more than a friend. If she wanted something to happen with you, she will let you know. But she hasn't and it's been 3 years that you've known each other and living together for 1 year. Sounds like she just wanted to be friends only the entire time. She saw you as a really good friend and you thought there might be more.

When she got the lock, she immediate closed all chances to be in a relationship with you. Take it like it is. She doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. She only wants to be friends.

I also suggest that you stop living together. The long you live together, the more you will over-analyse everything single one of her actions in small details and try to twist it in a way that will make you think that she might have feelings for you.