[Trinity77]

I have known 'Mike' for over 5 years now. He lives about 5 hrs away from me now. At the beginning, we were friends because he moved right after we met for work but stayed in touch via email, text, phone, etc... About 2 years ago, things got serious and we both fell hard for each other. I was just coming out of a bad relationship and I just couldn't deal with it, so I stopped all correspondence with him (which I know hurt him).

I recently ran across his # and just wanted to say hi - so I did. Now it seems that we have picked where we have left off. He told me that right after me he entered into a 2 year relationship, in that he would accidentally call her by name (at 1st). That relationship ended and by chance I contacted him 3 months after - he stated that a few days before, he was thinking about me.

My main issue is that, his that his attentiveness seems sporadic at best, At first he would tell me that he missed me and that he wants me in his life, by his side - everywhere he goes always. He has stated that if he can find a job here at some point - we would move for me. Granted I know that no one can say things like that all the time but if someone really cared about you - wouldn't they contact you, just to say or that they are thinking about them? Sometimes we go for days with out speaking and because of distance, that is all we have right now.

Not only does he live so far away but he also works third and I first shift... I want to work this out and see where it goes. We both said that the feelings we had before are back and strong for each other and how awesome and crazy it is to be talking again.

I wonder if it should be a warning sign, if he doesn't contact me for a cpl of days? Is it OK to contact him more so than he contacts me? I want to be myself and let my sappy/cutesy side show but I certainly don't want to push him away - what do you think? I need a guys opinion of the situation and to know - Is he really all that into me or do I need to understand that people are not always going to act the way I think they should? =)

Not only has he said that he wants to be with me but he says - I need time to adjust to this possible relationship because of my last GF and how much I was hurt. He also needs time to adjust to the LDR because his previous relationships were nothing of the sort - there are two different extremes... Does he mean it when has says give me time but I do want you?

[talaniman]

It would be a good idea to compromise and establish some sort of structure you both can depend on for talking to each other. Check out these sites and see if they help any.

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

Surviving a Long-Distance Relationship

[Trinity77]

It would be a good idea to compromise and establish some sort of structure you both can depend on for talking to each other. Check out these sites and see if they help any.

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

Surviving a Long-Distance Relationship

Thanks for the input. However I was wondering just if I should wait around or not... He says that he can't ask me not to date anyone but if he had the choice - I wouldn't. I was just wanting to know if this 'adjustment time' was for real or not. =)

Not exclusively @ the moment... He says he wants to be but needs time to adjust. I want to know if that's code for - yea, I like you but I am keeping you baited till I find something better.' =)

[talaniman]

I misunderstood the questions, my apologies as I had assumed you two were together, so here's my take on things,

Not only has he said that he wants to be with me but he says - I need time to adjust to this possible relationship b/c of my last GF and how much I was hurt.

I believe you should take him at his word, and give him the time and space to heal. You really do have to appreciate his honesty.

He also needs time to adjust to the LDR because his previous relationships were nothing of the sort - there are two different extremes... Does he mean it when has says give me time but I do want you?

WOW, no wonder you are attracted to him, his honesty is a very good sign he is a good guy, that needs time and space to heal.

However I was wondering just if I should wait around or not..

No, I would not. But you can be enjoying your life without him and being happy with yourself and your life
Talaniman Rule- Don't put your life on hold for any one.

He says that he can't ask me not to date anyone but if he had the choice I wouldn't

I am confused as to what you mean here, but if he wants you to wait, DON'T and make no promises to. Life is just to short for a maybe as to how someone will feel after they heal, or make up there mind. He may be sincere, but he can't know how he will feel about you later, given he doesn't know HOW LONG HIS HEALING WILL TAKE. If he knew he would have told you I think as he SEEMS to be forth right and honest.

I was just wanting to know if this 'adjustment time' was for real or not. )

I think it is. The real question is how you deal with it, and I hope you put yourself first. You cannot build a life for yourself on maybe, or what if. The only FACTS you have are:
He is honest
He needs to heal
He has to decide what direction his life will take after he heals
You have a life that makes you happy without him (or should, for you to be happy and healthy.

So, No, don't wait to be happy with yourself, and what your doing. He will let you know when he is ready.

[Trinity77]

I do truly appreciate his honesty... He goes back and forth with being very sweet and then very distant. I have asked him about it and he just tells me that he is distant because of the fact that I did leave him B4 and he feels that I may do it again. I won't not date others if asked because you are right I can't wait around for him to decide if this is what he wants.

I just wish he were not so sporadic in what he tells me - my emotions are all over the place! Lol He doesn't like it when I bring up dating other people... I don't know - I guess I will continue to be confused. Lol

[Gemini54]

I think that you're right is feeling that there are mixed messages. Perhaps it's because he's feeling so mixed up himself and he doesn't know what he wants.

It DOES sound as if he's being straight with you, so you might just have to live with feeling uncertain for a while, if the potential of a relationship with him is important to you.

Are you able to accept that there is uncertainty and confusion in this situation and just get on with your life? It's a hard call, I know, but sometimes that's the lesson - the fact that we have to wait in uncertainty, until things become clearer.

I'd give him some time - perhaps in your own mind give it a limit (say, 6 months) and see what happens. If after 6 months things are still the same, then you can happily move on knowing that you tried.

[Trinity77]

TY - That is definitely some good advice... The unknown is what sux but I shall see what happens in the future. I guess I have to ask myself is he worth the wait or not. Lol

[mum2five]

I think you should message him as much as you feel is the right thing for you but try not to be too overpowering.
I think you should enjoy the space and use it to get to know each other well.
I met my partner on the internet ( not a dating site it was a music site) and no it was never intended. I had just left a 10 year domestic violence marriage and the last thing I wanted was a man , he was too just separated.
We chatted online - then swapped numbers - all the lovey texts etc but yes we had stroppy times when neither would phone - think it was that the relationship became stale via email and texts - you get sick of saying the loved up stuff all the time.
We met one night half way and went clubbing ( 27 year old and my first time clubbing ha)
Anyway we got on great - I invited him to mine three days later to meet my "real life" you can cover over the cracks when he don't live with you.
He stayed over night - he came back 2 weeks later and stayed 2 nights and met my kids - poor bloke should have run a mile but he didn't.
He moved in the following week aggggghhhhh
Have you any idea how things change - we were now stuck with each other - as much as we had talked we were complete strangers and yes it did cause a few problems .
What the point in the above story is - take your time and enjoy .

[Trinity77]

Yep - that is why I make sure that I don't message him everyday - even though I want to. He has to want to talk to me, I let him miss me a little. Not to play a game but I think its better for us both that way. He seems more attentive when I do that, I guess because you do want some form of chasing - the guy likes it that way, I suppose. =)

I will wait and see what happens - if ite meant to be - it will be. Thanks so much!