[Lamak]

I've been reading posts on this board for a couple of days trying to figure out which one I could refer to for advice, and it's been really helpful, but I still feel confused about the concept of NC and I want to rant. Also to get it out the way I'm 16.

To make a long story short, I've been dating my girlfriend for the past 5 months. She chased after me in the beginning and she won over my feelings in time and we became a pretty happy couple. It was pretty funny, because people started to comment on how we both seemed more mature (even though we were already serious people) after getting together. For the first 3 months things were fine, except for a few screw ups on her behalf, but later in the relationship we started to argue more. The arguments weren't about anything too mind blowing, but the problem was that she never really wanted to solve the arguments, she just wanted them to go away. I was always (or at least I felt like it) the one trying to find a solution or a way to talk things out.

Fast Forward a couple of months, things seemed to be fine again. We hadn't really worked out all of our problems, but we made a decision to start talking things out and everything seemed fine. Since summer was beginning she had to go away to a college prep type program so we couldn't talk during the week. Over a 3 week period, it seemed as if we grew apart an amazing extent. She seemed to not care about the way I felt anymore when we talked on the phone, and she seemed to not have energy to do anything. I didn't want to attack her for this, but after awhile I got frustrated, because she was making it seem like she didn't have time for me anymore. After saying how I felt, she began to talk about how she's too stressed out, and how she doesn't think she can have a boyfriend at the moment, and how things between us aren't fine and she doesn't want to deal with it. All of the new information to me was mind blowing and out of nowhere, because I though that I was helping her with her stress. She decided that we should be on break.

The next time we talked she seemed annoyed by my presence even though she was supposed to be explaining what was going after a week of not talking. (She had apparently made her mind up). After getting frustrated with me for breaking the NC many times during the week, I finally get her to explain what was going on. I sadly get the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" card. This is a shock to me, but I don't let it deter me from trying to get to the bottom of why things are the way they are. All the reasons she gave were things that were being fixed or weren't a big deal, but she said she had wrote me a letter to explain it all in detail. A few hours later I still don't have the letter so I call her back to ask for it and we have a pretty good, friendly conversation for a couple of minutes, but she says she's too busy to send it at the moment. I leave once again. When I check for the letter later she says that I should call her, because she doesn't want to send it anymore. Confused, I call to get some answers, but I only get an extremely irritable girlfriend. After asking questions and getting yelled at, annoyed with, and cussed at I say how she has changed and I don't know what happened to her in the 3 weeks she was gone. She had no comment and decided to leave. I felt bad for what I had done and called back, but my number was blocked.

This was the last time I contacted her and I don't know how to feel now. It's been 5 days since that conversation and I'm just confused. We're not together anymore, but I'm still confused on why this happened. I wasn't pressuring her for anything and I just wanted to help her with stress and life problems. One half of me doesn't care at all anymore, because she didn't seem to respect the way I felt at all. The other half of me has hope that she was just under the stress of being in the program, but even so why would she act like that? Everything just not adding up and it's really frustrating me. Why would someone just throw a relationship away and not want to work on it? I treated her with respect and I never took advantage of her, but now she's lashing out on me like I caused her problems. Another thing that's bothering me is the fact that she will most likely call me this weekend, I don't know how I will take this. Advice? Comments?

[sweet1028]

I hate to say it but maybe you were being too caring. If there is such a thing. What I mean is, she said she was stressed about things and you kept calling and wanting to know this and that and it probably stressed her out more making her end up telling you that she loved you and was not in love with you. She might not have meant any of this, and the stress is just to overwhelming to talk it over with anyone. Who knows? She might come home and be the good girlfriend that you are used to. Wish you the best.

[talaniman]

But the problem was that she never really wanted to solve the arguments, she just wanted them to go away. I was always (or at least I felt like it) the one trying to find a solution or a way to talk things out.

That was your problem and it has nothing to do with you but the way you both confront and deal with issues was not compatible. I think you also know trying to get her to work with you was what stressed her out so she did to you what she does with any issue, she made you go away. To her end of problem.

I treated her with respect and I never took advantage of her, but now she's lashing out on me like I caused her problems

Just more evidence of you being incompatible, and her need to make you go away.

Another thing that's bothering me is the fact that she will most likely call me this weekend, I don't know how I will take this. Advice? Comments?

After the way she has acted, I would disappear from her life and be busy and unavailable to any more of her crap. Time to give her what she wants and just leave her alone. If she doesn't call so much the better. If she does, to bad for her.

That's called NO CONTACT by the way.