[kp2171]

I'm sorry that it ended this way, knowing it never had to be like this if hed just honored his vows, but I'm glad that you took action, thought it out carefully, even tried to make amends to be sure, and now you know. Knowing is always better.

I sincerely hope he also knows and seeks the help he needs.

Glad you posted again. Sometimes after the initial advice we never hear how things turn out.

[talaniman]

Reality is hard, but you empowering yourself was a great move for YOU. Thanks for letting us know what has happened and best of luck for the future.

[Wildcat21]

WOW! Thanks for the report back! Fully aprreciated. Few people come back here to tell us what happened.

Yes, you really want nothing to do with someone who resorts to that to get his jollies off. No way you can respect that at all.

[K_3]

Good for you. It is so much easier to go forward when the last chapter has been closed.

[Zuckerl]

I just had a similar experience. Same thing, he is denying it, I have phone bills and bank statements that show he spent $1100 in three weeks... This has been going on for our entire relationship (14 mo)

I am a mess, currently in Therapy. How are you? How are you living with it?

He still has not admitted to it. We are no longer together but I feel sorry for him. I think he might be an addict. Anyway... You are not alone!

[2personal]

'ADDICTION' 'COUNSELING', I'm sorry, but what a load of crap, the way I see it, he's bored with the sex with you, and wants the excitement of doing it with other women, is that so hard to believe, don't get me wrong, I don't think its right and what ever way you cut it, he has cheated on you, and if you want to stay with someone like that, then that's up to you, and do you think its possible that you all stop using ADDICTION and COUNSELING, its like... oh hi darling, I've just slept with a prostitute, don't blame me, its an addiction... oh OK honey, lets go to counseling.

[Zuckerl]

Hey 2personal...

Check out sexualaddictionhelp.com

This illness, and yes, it is an illness, is very real. It has nothing to do with sex, it is the sex addicts 'drug' of choice to escape from reality.

We had plenty of awesome sex but a job transfer, my rejection of not coming along, the stress of having to perform around new people, and his old issues of esteem, sexual abuse, etc made him turn to his 'old ways' of coping.

He had absolutely no reason to pay for sexual favors, he is good looking, makes a ton of money and is very charming. If he was a 'dog', he would have had an affair, or a one night stand, but not a hooker 4 days in a row! How low must you feel having to pay for sex? On the phone bill you can see it progressing….It started mellow, once a week, and got up to every other day in a span of six weeks & $1100 later! Obsessive compulsive!

He/She has some sort of emotional issues, whether it be from sexual abuse in childhood or just being weak and unable to deal with fear of rejection/ abandonment, low self esteem, etc. They are lonely human beings, full of fear of getting exposed, most bright with fabulous careers, and they want nothing more than a loving relationship which they can't have.

After some therapy and education I figured out that my ex partner is in fact an addict with BPD/ OCD. As sad as I am for him and would love to help him, I can't. He has made me a co-addict and gave me a whole other set of issues I have to sort out with myself now.

Mental illnesses are very real. Perhaps you are unable to relate because you were lucky enough not to get intimately involved with someone who has these types of issues. This illness is progressive for both, the addict & co-addict! There are many signs, which I chose to ignore, and now paying the price for. Rest assured I educated myself, so this won't happen again! I have learned that we attract people on the same level as we are thus we must have attracted each other for a reason! Perhaps my own esteem & fear of rejection issues? You need to know all the intimate details before you judge.

My partner is still in denial. He won't even admit to getting a 'happy ending' – just a massage. I figured out that if I confuse him, ask the same question three different ways, I get to the truth. He can't remember all his lies thus he slips… That's how I found out that he has been doing this well before we started seeing each other, sad!

He got tested for HIV after I found condoms. He placed the blame on me for having to get tested (!)This is so ridiculous, it is almost comical but it isn't! Projection, denial, detachment, anger are all signs….. I hope you understand SA a bit better now and do check out the website above. Very educational!

[2personal]

Yes, it could be any one of those reason you have given, or it could just be sex with a stranger, without all the baggage. I know we probably deal with things differently, here in England, UK... if a women in this country had to deal with what goldnugget has had to deal with, then she would either, be stupid enough to stay with this bloke or she would have told him to F*** off and don't come back. There wouldn't be any talk of addiction or counceling.

[markshgate]

Relationships differ. To talk about cheating implies a moral view. It is not an illegal activity, but clearly it is one you cannot accept. Not everyone is monogamous, probably the opposite is true. If you find his behaviour unacceptable and do not believe he will change you must end the relationship. If he changes it will be your decision whether he has breached your trust so much that you will never forgive. All choices involve loss, and it is not possible for other people to make your decision. Men and women do many things which others disapprove of, but it is you who will feel the pain whatever you do. A separation might help you sort out your feelings and give both you time to reflect. You may be un happy whatever you do, and so may he. We have no guarantees in life. You will have to bear the pain either way. Speak to your best friend and if you are still upset after a time then consider counselling. I hope this helps.

[Justwantfair]

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