Check out some similar questions!

Ponderer · Apr 17, 2009, 09:34 PM

I don't know what's wrong with me. I broke up with my boyfriend almost 8 months ago. We were in a relationship for 2 years. Recently, we've been keeping in touch, I've been seeing him once every week for the past 2 weeks. I don't want to be committed to him again, I don't want to resume our relationship. Throughout those 2 years, I was unhappy, he didn't trust me, we fought everyday and we completely disagreed with everything. And at some point, our relationship became emotionally abusive for one another. But since I've seen him twice, we kissed and expressed our feelings. I love him, and I always have. I care about him so much and at times, I wish it wasn't true. But I'm not in love with him. I don't see a future with him. I'm confused. I just don't know if its because I'm alone, or if I need some or is it really love and I just haven't noticed. :(

Ponderer · Apr 17, 2009, 09:36 PM

**some one in the last sentence

nicolerocks711 · Apr 17, 2009, 09:38 PM

First and foremost you recognize that this guy is not right for you. This is great. Now you need to act on this information. I personally do not believe in being friends after a breakup. You two broke up. Don't be making plans on seeing him esp if it could lead to kissing or more. The more space you put between you two, the more space you will leave open for someone else to fill (I need to start taking my own advice lol)

taoplr · Apr 17, 2009, 10:27 PM

You said it all. You care about him. But that's not love.

You aren't in love with him. He's familiar territory and you're alone. You don't want to resume the relationship. And when you were together, he didn't trust you, you fought every day, got abusive with each other, and were unhappy.

Be grateful that you don't hate each other like so many exes do. Be nice to him and keep your distance. Move on and trust yourself to find someone better for you.

Ponderer · Apr 17, 2009, 10:31 PM

Thank you both. You guys are right, and I think deep inside I knew this but its somewhat refreshing from getting reassurance from others.

none12345 · Apr 17, 2009, 11:25 PM

Love is blinding. Sometimes you may think you have love but really it isn't. When a relationship isn't healthy, then its not a good relationship. If you stop having contact with him for a while, you can determine if you really love him or not because he won't be in the picture to cloud your thinking. - From personal experience.

Ponderer · Apr 17, 2009, 11:36 PM

How long ? I've tried that, 7 months without him being in my life. It was painful. Christmas, Valentines, every holiday that had past I' had thought of him, wondered how he was, what he was doing. I feel like I'm going crazy because I to be honest, I have this love and hate thing going on. I care, I love him, and I won't bore you with the details, but he treated me horribly. Not all the times of course, but subtlely he did. I need to let go, I know that. But its just hard and lthe loneliness is just making it harder...

taoplr · Apr 17, 2009, 11:45 PM

You did tell us some of the details, enough to know that whatever longing you have for him is a psychological distortion. See a therapist and work it out.

none12345 · Apr 17, 2009, 11:46 PM

Originally Posted by Ponderer

how long ? i've tried that, 7 months without him being in my life. It was painful. Christmas, Valentines, every holiday that had past i' had thought of him, wondered how he was, what he was doing. i feel like im going crazy because i to be honest, i have this love and hate thing going on. I care, i love him, and i wont bore you with the details, but he treated me horribly. Not all the times of course, but subtlely he did. I need to let go, i know that. But its just hard and lthe loneliness is just making it harder...

Yah 7 months without contact I would say you can make a good decision if you want him in your life or not. But yup well if you ask me, you said it yourself "i need to let go". You have an answer to your question. So do that!! Don't let the emotions get to you. You need to do what is best for you.

As for lonliness, invest it in your family and friends. May I ask how old you are? You will find someone that will treat you better and someone you would want to be with. I'm going to give you an advice, that everybody on this site has been giving me. Work on yourself, don't be afraid to be alone, do what you want to in life, and learn to be happy single and when you least expect it, someone will walk into your life.

- none12345

talaniman · Apr 18, 2009, 06:44 AM

Find other things to do besides being in contact with him, and stirring up old feelings. You did it once, do it again.

Ponderer · Apr 18, 2009, 07:51 AM

I'm 20 and I hear what you guys are saying. Thanks again, your feedback (s) help. I've come to a decision to tell him that I'll be his friend and if he needs someone to talk, I'll be there but I don't think I can and should see him any more, I'm only fooling myself...

Ponderer · Apr 18, 2009, 07:54 AM

And getting spending time with family and friends well that's tough. I only have my mom in my life and my friends are all occupied with their boyfriends and drama. So the loneliness hits me hard sometimes...

taoplr · Apr 18, 2009, 01:05 PM

Originally Posted by Ponderer

so the loneliness hits me hard sometimes...

I can relate. Loneliness can be very hard.

At least, if you do this right, you will have understood more of the difference between real love and attachment to a warm body. Use this opportunity to grow.

Someone will come around who is looking for just you.

none12345 · Apr 18, 2009, 09:30 PM

Originally Posted by Ponderer

I'm 20 and i hear what you guys are saying. thanks again, your feedback (s) help. I've come to a decision to tell him that i'll be his friend and if he needs someone to talk, i'll be there but i don't think i can and should see him any more, i'm only fooling myself...

Yup its really you're decision to make ponderer but I just want you to know if you still have feelings for this guy, than being his friend might not exactly be the best thing because it ll just prolong the hurt and the healing process