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jessica5062 · Apr 3, 2009, 11:32 AM

My brother has been dating this girl for about 10 years on and off. They were engaged
At one point and never married.Right now they are dating again.My family and I don't approve. This girl does not treat him right. The last year I have also seen my brother
Change a lot.He usto be such a nice guy.So sweet.Now he is constantly nervous and
Mad all the time. This is when he got back with her.How do we try to convince him to move on and find someone who treats him good. Also makes him happy...

Justwantfair · Apr 3, 2009, 11:35 AM

All you can do is support him when he is down.

This is his life to live and you don't have any control over that.

Good luck to you.

roxypox · Apr 3, 2009, 11:54 AM

Even though its hard to see someone you love and care about go through this and make mistakes and be in a place that is worrisome, like JWF said; all you really can do is support him, be supportive of him now as the person he is and support him when he's down.

The greatest advice I have ever gotten is; You can only save yourself!

To get saving you need to want saving. You can't change his situation and you can't live his life for him. I can sympathies with your worries over the love choice your brother has made (I worry about my little brother a lot B/c of a lot of different things) but I can't change does things... I can only be here and support him.

What I have done though is let him know (time and time again) that I am always here, good or bad. Only a phone call away.

Best of luck!

Roxy

liz28 · Apr 3, 2009, 12:33 PM

It wouldn't matter what you or anybody tells him at this point. He has to wake up and see that the relationship he's in isn't healthy.

When some people are in love they get blinded and tolerate a lot of bs that they shouldn't. And if he can't see that after 10 years than he might never or surprise everyone and do.

When my friend was in your brother situation we talked and talked until the moon came up but she didn't or choose not to listen. We even tried shaking the reality into her but the didn't work either. It took her a total of 12 years to wake up and smell the coffee and leave. Once she did we throw her a party.

So you can tried talking to him but it is up to him on what he do what your advice.

jessica5062 · Apr 3, 2009, 01:30 PM

Thank you all.Liz28 was your friend every married to him. What made her ro finally move on. Also did you see a change in her when she was with this guy.. Like I said my brother
Is always nervous and any thing ticks him off..

spitvenom · Apr 3, 2009, 01:39 PM

It is funny (well not really) but my cousin is going through the same thing. He can be at my house laughing having a great time his GF calls his mood changes instantly actually the mood of the entire place changes. He is no longer laughing it seems like he is getting ready for a fight. I tried to talk to him about it and he basically ripped me a new one.

Sometimes you just have to let people fall. It is hard because you love your brother and you just want what is best for him but if you try to step in you are going to be adding to his misery. Just like everyone else said just be there to support him.

I wish · Apr 3, 2009, 02:06 PM

Wow, my extended family have been trying to convince my cousin for years to get out of a relationship. She's still with him.

We kind of gave up trying to convince her and are letting her make her own decision. There's only so much we can do. We can express our opinion about their significant other. My cousin is well aware that it is an uphill battle for the guy to gain the respect of the rest of the family, but ultimately, it's their choice.

LoveStoned · Apr 3, 2009, 03:29 PM

Originally Posted by jessica5062

my brother has been dating this girl for about 10 years on and off. They were engaged
at one point and never married.Right now they are dating again.My family and I don't approve. This girl does not treat him right. The last year I have also seen my brother
change alot.He usto be such a nice guy.So sweet.Now he is constanly nervous and
mad all the time. This is when he got back with her.How do we try to convince him to move on and find someone who treats him good. Also makes him happy...

Well,. you can't control anyone. Only your brother can control his own behaviors and emotions. Whatever you do, do not get yourself involved in their relationship. Right now he is attached to an unhealthy relationship. He will look at himself in the mirror one day and see himself of being a worthy person... one who deserves to be with someone who really appreciates him for who he is. It'll take time... Does she disrespect family at all?

roxypox · Apr 4, 2009, 03:33 AM

my sister and friends tried to convince me to dump my x boyfriend for over half a year... I wouldn't listen... I was just ambivalent about my x... and I didn't want to be with him, I didn't want to let go. I ended up being with him for a total of a 14 months (excluding the break ups) It really was a huge mess.

I knew that they were right, but at the same time I just had to fully realize it for myself. Which is kind of sad in one way... especially when you end up wasting years on someone.

Ps: the reason I didn't mention this in the other post is that I couldn't see the correlation at first LOL