[david63006]

I have a girlfriend who I've been dating for almost a year now. As of last week, I noticed she was having doubts about me and wanted a break... and then it turned into a breakup. She went out with her girlfriends later that night to celebrate one of their friend's birthday and then to the clubs afterward. The day after on Saturday, I tried stopping by her place but she wasn't home so I hung out with a friend of mine nearby. I knew she was going clubbing that night with her girl friends again so I went out to a different bar to get my mind off things. Later that night, I received a phone call from a friend that she was dancing with another guy and ended up making out with him. I called her up immediately and yelled at her for about half an hour. All she could say was that she was sorry and she feels guilty inside.

The couldn't sleep the next morning so I ended up driving over to her place a few hours later. We talked about it and lots of tears were shed. She feels guilty inside and don't know if we could be together again. I (being the idiot that I am) told her that everybody makes mistakes and everyone deserves a 2nd chance. I asked her who the guy was and eventually found out. I was willing to take her back because I love her that much. After much talk, we ended up hugging, kissing, and even had sex again. A few hours later, she had to leave for work but her mind was still confused if she still wants to be with me. She asked for a few days to think it over. I also asked if she was interested in the guy she kissed and she said no. They were just friends.

Later that evening, I talked to her on AIM and it was a slow conversation as though she was talking to other friends too. It was a normal conversation as though nothing happened. In the end, I told her that I loved her. She said not to say these things just yet because she's still confused. I ended up telling her I was willing to fight for her until the very end and this is why I'll continue to be that loving boyfriend that I promised to be. She didn't call me that night.

Tomorrow morning (which is today), I received a text from her saying that she misses me. I told her that I missed her too. I asked if she was happy and she said she doesn't know, but she has work from 9-1. She just wanted to tell me that. I was curious so I signed on to her mobile account information online to check out her call/text logs. Surely enough, her and her guy friend has been texting each other back and forth throughout the whole evening last night. This is the moment I finally realized what the problem was. She doesn't want to be single to be free from someone, she wants to be single so she could talk around.

I called her up after work and told her that I realized some stuff and everything makes sense now. I told her that no girl in a relationship wants to break it off that easily unless there's someone else in the mix. She didn't admitted at first, but I explained to her that it was the only logical reason why some girls are confused to whether they want their boyfriend or not. She finally admits that she does like the attention and she doesn't feel that attracted towards me as much anymore. I told her that I did not want to be some sort of 3rd wheel and she is going to have to choose what she wants. If she wants me, she'll have to delete him and not contact him anymore. If she wants him, I'm leaving for good and won't contact her anymore. She asked me why I'm fighting for her and I explained that I believe that she's worth it and that I love her that much (maybe it's just my emotions saying it). She wants some time to think about things so I left it at that.

All of this happened in a 3 day process so the problem is still somewhat young. She will most likely contact me later and talk about things. Now, this is where I need your advice. Do I continue to threaten her that if she wants to talk to him, I will leave? I need to reassure her that I am not willing to be a friend that sits around to comfort her. I do love her a lot, and I do want things to work out. If she's still confused at this point, should I start the No Contact rule? Maybe it would make her miss me. At this point in time, I don't want to make the wrong moves myself and lose her forever.

[artlady]

No contact is not a game so your mate will start missing you.

No contact is so you can begin the process of getting over someone after a break-up.

She sounds like she wants to play the field but have you there as plan B.

I would rethink the relationship entirely.She wants something else and she is putting you on the back burner.

[jmw0713]

You need to just walk away. Don't be the second man in her life. She has broke-up with you to talk to this dude. Honestly, if you wait around and "fight" for her, you will end up hurt in the end when she ends up hooking up with this other guy.

The best thing to do, is make the decision for yourself, tell her it was fun while it lasted, and disappear. Seriously, you will waste so much time "fighting" for her and not get anywhere.

If you want to help her figure out her "confusion", it's best to leave her alone and not contact her or reply to her attempts to contact you.

My ex got "confused" when another guy came around that she liked. A couple of guys came around when we were together and I fought for her the first time... everything was WAY different after I "won". Trust me, the prize for winning was NOT good. It was a relationship that was permanently damaged and that we both suffered through for another year.

A year later when this happened again I wanted to fight for her (I didn't learn my lesson the first time). In the end all of that effort was wasted when she hooked up with him. I should have devoted the energy I wasted on her to myself and work on moving on. In the end I was crushed and months behind where I should have been in the healing process. Now that I look back, I wasted so much time on someone who didn't even want to be with me anymore. This is what your case sounds like.

I'm telling you, walk NOW! All of this fighting makes you look worse in her eyes and is further validating her decision to break-up with you. If she doesn't feel the same way about you now as she did when you first met, nothing you can do will change that.

Save your time, energy, and emotional well-being and leave her alone. Get on with your life and leave her in the past.

Read my story, and everyone else's. A lot of stories start this way. Read the stickies.

It's hard to just up and leave, but it's for the best (for the both of you) and in due time you will be glad you did.

[Justwantfair]

If she was not willing in the moment that you told her that the ultimatum was there... then she isn't good enough to be devoted to.

She wants to date around, because the grass is greener on the other sides - apparently all sides. What she is lacking is taking care of the grass that she has right now... just envy for someone else's lawn. Well let her leave, someone so undevoted to your relationship isn't worth your time of a relationship.

No Contact is not a means to getting back your ex. It's a road to healing and what is necessary to move on with your life, focus on your needs and love yourself single again.

I think this relationship is over.

[none12345]

Dude I was in the same situation as you and I just want you to know. She is not confused. She made a decision already. I was stupid to believe my ex was confused but in the end I learned it the hard way. Break it off while you still can. She's already made a decision when she started being a little too close to the other guy. I think personally its over. Don't fight for her or tell her you love her or give her power in the relationship.Trust me I learned it the hard way and it ended pretty bad. Right now don't contact her at all and try to move on... Do your own things and if she wants to come back, she will.

[liz28]

First off you can't get mad because she went out with her girlfriend to a club where she met a guy and dance and made out with him. The two of you was BROKEN UP. Your reaction that follow was totally uncalled for and unmerit.

Secondly, if you have to snoop through someone stuff to get answers than of course you shouldn't be with them to beging with.

Now she is confuse, well you can end her confusion by leaving her alone. I would never wait for someone to decide whether if they want to be with me or someone else. I would make the decision for them by making an exit.

To sum it all up, leave and stop waiting on her. There more fish in the sea so throw he back and catch another one.

[slapshot_oi]

Later that night, I received a phone call from a friend that she was dancing with another guy and ended up making out with him. I called her up immediately and yelled at her for about half an hour. All she could say was that she was sorry and she feels guilty inside.

What a good friend...

Aside from the obvious NC with your ex, you need to have a sit down with your boy and let him know he's a moron. How did he think that information was going to help? You wouldn't be as miserable as you are if you didn't know what she did. Earmuffs my friend, earmuffs.

As for her, she's confused just like she said, plain and simple. She just wants the single life for now, you both sound pretty young anyway.