[margaocafe]

Edited for spelling, grammer, and cut down one long sentence.


Hi, I am in love with this girl, and she also loves me. We are planning to get married. Before we got together she had informed me everything about her past, and it was ok with me during that time.

Now it has been 7 months, and everyday from morning till evening, the thought that my girlfriend has slept with another guy is bothering me. I don't want to talk with her because I know she will be hurt if i talk about that topic.

Please help me, How I can overcome this problem. I want to erase it from my mind, but without any problems between me, and her because, I really love her, and see my future with her being her husband.

I want to solve this, as i don't want any problems in our future.

From,
MRDepressed

[talaniman]

Unfortunately you have not been honest with yourself, or her, and this problem was allowed to fester, and grow.

Your fear of talking with your partner is also a big problem, as your feelings are unknown to her.

I think you need to come clean, and tell her of your problems, but be sure to emphasize to her, its you and not her, that has to deal with it.

As for how, don't act on those images, that are either from fear, insecurity, or jealousy, or all of the above.

The fact is we all have a past, and must never give in to impulsive behavior, our own issues bring, or the actions against our partners, used in the heat of the moment.

Having a plan of action when those thoughts emerge, is a good start to dealing with your feelings.

Like polishing your shoes, or telling your partner how much you appreciates her being with you.

Over time, through repetition you can replace that stinking thinking, with more positive thoughts, and actions.

Be patient, changing your own mindset is a process, that has to be worked at.

The alternative is to destroy your relationship.

Ask no more questions about her past.

[I wish]

Very well said Talaniman, still can't give you reputation yet.

No one is perfect and everyone you date will have a history. However, it sounds like you currently have a fragile communication system. Understandable because you two have only been dating for 7 months. I suggest that you focus on building a stronger relationship and with time, it will bother you less and less.

Don't worry about her past, worry about her future. It's not the first, second, etc. guy that she's with, it's the last guy that she's with that counts.

[A mouse]

This is why I'm so against premarital sex, it hurts the future boyfriend/girlfriend over time. This is a difficult feeling to overcome, perhaps impossible, but if you truly want to be with her you need to realize that the past is the past. Her past is haunting her, or else she wouldn't have bothered to tell you, and she probably feels just as horrible about it as you do, but she doesn't have the option to walk away from it. It'll be good for both of you if you can get over that past and let love take over.

-Mouse

[artlady]

No one likes to think of their new love being intimate with someone else but the fact remains that you can't change the past.

Is this your first serious relationship? Are you coming into this relationship a virgin?

Ask yourself what is it exactly that is eating away at you.

Do you feel you may be compared to the ex?

He is an ex for a reason,you are the now.Learn to have confidence in your relationship and understand that she chose to be with you.

I think you should express to her that you are having a struggle and confess that you know it is your problem,not hers.

Before marriage,you need to get this worked out.

Consider this as well.The time and energy you are focusing on the past is stopping you from enjoying the now.That just seems silly.

[kewlcar121]

If she really loves you she will respect the fact that you are speaking your feelings .
Just be sweet about it .
Talk it over dinner . Or before going to sleep at night .
Be calm and sweet .
If she gets mad then maybe the feelings are really the truth...

[mss8939]

In my eyes you have 2 particular options depending on the type of person you are. The first option is something you probably don't want to hear, and unless I'm missing something, that is you need to find a way to live with it. In stead of asking yourself what bothers me about her having been with another man? Ask yourself why does this benefit me? Maybe she's realized what a bad relationship has been like, maybe this guy couldn't love her the way that you can. But the thing you need to know is that this bothers you because it breaks your personal beliefs which differ between everybody. So change your beliefs to fit your relationship or find a relationship to fit your beliefs, which is my second suggestion for you. If you think that you'd be happiest sticking with the faith you have in your beliefs now, and nothings going to change how you feel. Be upright and honest with every woman you feel till you find the right one. The odds are a lot less you'll find miss perfect but if you do metaphorically hit the lottery you'll have a woman that thinks exactly like you, and women will respect you for the self control your presenting, cause you'll in fact be turning them down.

And dude be more honest with women! If a girl told me something that bothered me, it'd have been an issue right there or a forget about it thang. Don't dwell on problems they eat at you, it's a fatal flaw in being a overly nice guy. Be a nice guy who tells it how it is out of love and respect and people will show you the same love and respect. Just be careful not to say it out of spite and jealousy, your better off just being the overly nice guy then.