[Green Elephant]

I was with this girl 2 years before she broke up with me with no explanation. Six months later, she came back to me saying she made the biggest mistake of her life. I agreed to get back with her granted she take the time to gain my trust back and prove nothing like this will ever happen again. Upon coming back to me, she confessed the following:

1. Before we officially got back together, we went on a series of dates, where she criticized my personality and gave me false hope about being with her again. All the while, she was having sex and staying over at a guy's house, who I happen to know, and had hung out with us a couple for the longest time.

2. after I found out that she had been having sex with this other guy while seeing me and giving me false hope, we stop communicating again. (Although I still make it clear that I'm willing to forgive her, and move forward with her, she's not strong enough)

3. She starts drinking, and ends up having sex with another mutual "friend" of ours twice.

4. She moves on and starts to pursue yet another guy we are both mutual "friends" with. They don't have sex, but somehow they end up with each others hands down their pants.

This is around the time she comes back to me. We started dating for a few weeks, and it's the hardest time in my entire life. This has taken place over about 6 months, and I have not pursued a single girl. I had spent that time only trying to heal from her.

She confessed everything to me. She told me the classic "I was in a bad place, and didn't know what I was doing"

Now, I've posted about this situation before. But truth be told... I love this girl more than anything, but it's been months since we've gotten back together and the images of her and these guys having sex is too powerful for me to handle.

I want to be strong, and most days, we're happy together. But sometimes I fear what she did to me is too much to be forgiven.

I can't just be told to "get over it" "it's in the past". I don't care. I didn't do anything to hurt like this, and I'm tired of dealing with the images that hit so randomly it's almost paralyzing. I can't stand seeing vivid images of the girl that I've spent almost 3 years loving more than anything else in my life giving herself to not 1, not 2, but 3 guys I actually know, and have had previous friendships with.

If anyone has any advice on how to truly let go, and forgive someone who threw you aside to thoughtlessly give herself away countless times to sleezy guys other than "It's in the past, and you need to let go" Please let me know.

Because I've tried to accept that it's in the past, but I find myself wondering how someone can do that to someone they claim they love.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

The only thing that I know is that most of the corny sayings are true.

"You don't know what you had until you lost it". --The relationship dissolved and she showed her true colors; she cheats, lies, and can't maintain her morals when intoxicated.

"When one door closes, another opens."--Four years. Chalk it up as a learning experience and take that knowledge to heal yourself. Then take that knowledge into a healthy happy relationship when you are emotionally ready.

I'm here to tell you that you are not the only one that has been in this situation. My first love left me for someone 5 years younger after we'd been together for 6 years. It was the hardest thing that I had to do but I forgot his phone number and email address, and stopped dealing with the situation. I frocused on ME, for the first time in 6 years. It was the best thing that I'd ever done. I know that you don't want to hear to just get over it, and time will heal your wounds. But honestly, that's the best that we can give you. I wish you all the best.

[Dare81]

It seems like you took her back when you really should not have.If you cannot forget the past then let her go because the relationship won't work, if you want the relationship to work start with a clean slate.

In by the way I would not trust a girl who tries to keep me around as back up while pursuing other people.

[liz28]

The question is why did you take this back? Because you love her? What exactly is there to love after everything she put you through?

If this is love than I wouldn't want no part of it. Of okay she cheated on (with people you knew) and she seem like she did on purpose to intentional hurt you. The mutal friends she did things with wasn't any type of friend at all. Meanwhile she fed some corny line, and you know it was a line, that she was feeling low about herself. So what is going happen the next time she is feeling down in the dumps?

You forgive her but can't forget and have vivid memories of it and can't shake it out, even more of a reason to leave. She cheated on you a number of times so this is a her behavior. She can't talk to you instead of running to someone else to me this is immature. Now once trust is broken it is hard to get it back. You heard the saying fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

[Romefalls19]

So, let me get this straight, she keeps you dangling on false hope, boinks a few of your mutual friends and then comes crying back to you saying she was in a bad place? I'm surprised you took her back, I'm not going to tell you it's the past or that you need to move on, you need to get her out of your life. She has shown her true colors, and shown other guys more than that. Get some new friends too man

[Ren6]

It's time to end this chapter of your life. There is no reason for you to believe that her behavior has changed. All I can see in your future with her is a series of stumbles, then her "explanations" as to what place she was in, what caused her to cheat with mutual friend number 15 or 16... an endless array of excuses, and you left feeling wanting, but never truly receiving.

She has no respect for you, your relationship, or herself. Time to find somebody who will.

Don't play this game with her any longer, and take care...

[I wish]

"I had spent that time only trying to heal from her."

You were heading in the right direction. I know that she pulled you out of the train to give you some false hope, but now it's time to get back on the train and leave her behind. Time to get back on track.

[slapshot_oi]

It's clear that the relationship and for that matter friendship, is FUBAR'd between you two.

These feelings won't change, at least not in the next few years. Take her and those buddies out of your life for good and avoid all that negative energy.

[talaniman]

The advice you don't want to hear is the advice you need to listen to.

Tell her no way, and disappear from her life, and let yourself heal. Then at least you can make a good decision for yourself, about yourself.

Sorry

[heartbroke]

It's the difference between swallowing your pride or walking away. She threw away 3 years with you for 6 months and 3 other men. And now she wants you back?