[goth0087]

Hey sorry this is long, but here goes:
I dated a Great guy for 3 months, after talking to him for 4 months. I've been in several relationships before, and this guy seemed to have the whole package for me, everything I really needed. However, he came with some complications, he has a Really rough family history, and has no financial support whatsoever. But after dating a bunch of other guys, I can say that the only thing he lacked for a while was the money, so I was Perfectly fine helping him out and whatnot. He thought I was pretty amazing too, he moved 7 hours away from his hometown and all the people he knew to live near me!

Anyway, 2 months into the relationship, he started snapping at me for little things, started being less considerate, wasn't as interested in sex, and it really irked me. I knew he had a lot on his plate (he lost a job and was unemployed for a while, and I had to pay for his rent/food, and he Hated it) but I tried to be understanding and supportive. But when I started asking him why he was being distant, and what was wrong, he snapped more, and completely shut me out. I let off a bit, but he got worse, and eventually he snapped at me, saying that he didn't want to hang out because he was stressed out and upset, and that he was sick of "babysitting me". I got mad because I had been trying desperately to help de-stress him, and I had kind of felt like I was "babysitting" him at times, though I tried my best not to show it. I had a ton of my own stress at the time too, and he not only kept me from helping him, but wasn't offering to help me out either!

So it built, and mid-December we had a bit of an argument, which started from him being mad at me because a friend from his hometown couldn't come up to visit---I got mad because it was noone's fault, especially not mine, and somehow it escalated to him calling me an "...hole". I broke, and said "I need a break", and hung up on him.

I instantly regretted it, but when I went over to his apt. to apologize a few minutes later he said "I don't know if I want to get back together with you." I was insulted and hurt, and I just left, not knowing what else to say, since I fully expected him to be willing to talk things out.

I gave him space until New Years, when I called him for about 3 seconds just to say "Have a good New Years Eve!", to which he said "hey, you too, can you call me back tomorrow?" and then he hung up. I was confused, but did call him the next day, with no answer. He then texted me on the 12th, saying "sry I never called u back". I didn't say anything back, but he texted me a week after that asking me if I could put $20 on his phone because he was completely broke. I did, and he thanked me, but I haven't heard from him since, despite 2 messages of "Hey, how's it going? How are you?"

His roommate has been staying at my apt because his girlfriend lives here, and when he went back to his apt a few days ago he found the place full of trash, smelling terrible, the fridge completely empty, and tons of cigarette butts in my ex's room. According to him, my ex looked really sick, like he hadn't been taking care of himself and maybe not eating much for a while. He came back and ranted to me about it because he was pissed that my ex was trashing the apartment.

I, however, am worried to death! I don't know what to do. I never wanted to leave him, I especially never wanted to abandon him (he doesn't know hardly Anyone else here, he has no car, etc) I just wanted him to quit acting like a jerk. I'd give a ton to get back together with him, but really I'd give a lot just to be able to help him out as a friend. What should I do? How can I get him to talk to me again? How can I help him like this?

[talaniman]

While your compassion is touching, your logic is not. He isn't relationship material at all for you, but your holding on to false hope, and its not realistic to think you can make someone, something they are not. He needs to learn to take care of himself, and how to treat others, and your enabling him not to learn, and grow.

I know you don't agree, but you'll see it for yourself soon enough, and let him go!