[eric1361]

I was dumped after 4 yrs, 2 weeks after being dumped she text me wanting to know how I was, I said I'm good, she said glad to hear it.. now 2 weeks after that her and her kids called 7 times, I won't answer, so they called my son and ask him how I'm doing, he told them I'm great, what is up with that. She dumped me, what does she want or what is she doing?

[talaniman]

I think she wants you in her life as a friend, not as a boyfriend. Why did you get dumped? Commitment issues?

[eric1361]

That was the 4th time in a yr, I treated her like a queen, she dumps me over anything. She will give 30 % in a relationship and I give 110, if I don't I can hit the road. That's her way of thinking. I did it till I couldn't do it anymore. Then she dumped me, if I text her in the morning and say be careful, love you. Well she doesn't have to reply and she's sick of my stupid texts. Its rules for me and for her. So when she said she wanted out I agreed, that's a first. And when she calls I go running, not this time. So things are different, I'm moving on and here comes the calls. I think she just wants me to think of her and see if I'm still there.

[debdoes]

She sounds like me, dumping you over stupid things... and then regretting it. Not sure what she wants... probably wants her own way, whatever that might be. I did the same thing, dumping my ex without thinking clearly about it, and he too, wants nothing to do with me now. And it sucks!! If I got texts like that in the morining, I would love it, not think they are stupid texts

[eric1361]

I sucks so bad, I want her but not the way she is. I want her to come get me, fight for me. But she's to good for that. It takes its toll on you, she's been beaten, cheated on, in other relationships. So I treat her like gold and I get treated like crap. Doesn't make sense. I thought that was the goal, to find someone that treats you good. Not game playing. It really hurts when you put everything you have into it and they toss you aside like nothing.

[talaniman]

Don't take that kind of treatment from anyone. Break this cycle by not going back.

[eric1361]

I am breaking it, you see I've been through this for 4 yrs, and EVERTIME she would call or text she knew I would come back. And always in a week or 2. it's a month now and I think she's realizing I'm not joking. She used to tell me that every guy wants her back after break up. I won't go back, 4 yrs is enough. She don't deserve me.

[talaniman]

No she doesn't.

[debdoes]

She's too good to fight for you? That can't be true... I would put all stubbornnesss aside and go after the one I love if I had to. You said you didn't go after her this time and the calls started coming in? You are probably right... she doesn't deserve you... you sound like a good guy.

[Justwantfair]

She wants to keep you one your leash...

Keep to the NC order and think about getting a new phone.

[eric1361]

You guys are so right, she wants me on that leash. And she won't fight for me, she has her kids call. How lame is that. I won't lie, I miss her, why I don't know. But that's fading. I surprised myself by no contact, I bet she's really shocked. It feels so good to not by someone's puppet, and to have them chase you for once, thank you guys. You been a big help

[Justwantfair]

Good luck to you.

No contact is very difficult, but it get easier with passing time. You will feel much better in the long run for not jumping because she said to.

[eric1361]

It is hard, her girls called seven times last night, then left a voice mail. I didn't listen to it till this morning, it said, " hey mom dont think youll answer your phone, prove her wrong and answer" I left a voice mail back saying" hi to the daughter and that I'm doing fine'. We got along great. But that's it. I'm not mad, upset, or hate her anymore, just ready to move on. The no contact got me past the hate, and to accept it. Not sure what their up to?

[Justwantfair]

I think she is up to exactly what we discussed... your leash :)

It is horrible that she is using the children to play her games though and if you ever have to break down again I would let her know just that. It's an adult issue don't use the children to get to you.

Have you thought about a new phone number?

[eric1361]

I gave her a cell phone and I took that back and changed that number, I got rid of my house phone, and I'm working on my cell. There's just so many people that call. Your right about the leash, but its gone. I don't want to text, call, anything anymore. The urge is gone. I can't get past what she did, not mad, just remember.

[Justwantfair]

Sounds like you have gotten a lot of good advice from this site. You have known for a long time that this relationship SUCKS. It's sad how long we stay in relationships that just aren't healthy. We believe that it is better to have someone/anyone in our lives than to be alone in life, but the fact is just the opposite.

Hopefully you have some real prospective on how horrible your life has been with this woman and how horrible continuing a life with her would be. There are wonderful women out there and caring men shouldn't end up with anything but a wonderful woman. Take your time, heal, learn from this experience, learn what makes you happy, live life for you. Someday when the feelings are completely gone you will wonder what the **ll you were thinking to ever give her three years of your life.

[eric1361]

You are sooooo right, when your in it you do think that, but out and away you get a clear picture. I'm healing and will not go back in that mess. Life is awesome now, still hurt but awesome.

[Justwantfair]

Don't give yourself too much credit for thinking you are over her. Things take time and sometimes if you believe you are "over it" it causes the cycle to begin again.

You sound like you are on a great path. :)

Keep me updated.