[loveyouall]

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I broke up with my boyfriend after 8 years. He's 20 years older than me, we really love each other. After the breakup, I really regret it, I was hurt and missed him very much because I really love him. I know that I've hurt him for breaking up with him. I called him up and wanted to get back together and work things out, but he said he needs time to think about our relationship whether it's worth of getting back together because he's worry about our age difference and the future, and my family.

Since the breakup, he never calls me like he used to, it appears that he's doing the 'no contact'. I was the one that called him. But he always returned my call when I left him messages. No matter how I begged him, he insisted the same answer that he needs time to think about. I sort of giving up hope, so I stopped calling him for about one week. Out of surprise, he called me up, but just talked about general things. This phone call sort of gave me hope again, next day, I called him up and asked him whether we still have a chance of getting back together or whether he wants to abandon this relationship. He said that couldn't say it to me that we're finished, and he still need time to think about.

Since then, I just lost hope on getting back together, I stopped calling him, that has been one week already. He did not call me either. What actually his answer means ? Did he mean we're finished ? Or we still have a chance ?

If I use the 'no contact', will I lose him ? Any advice I can get on what to do to get him back, please.

[jmw0713]

Well you broke-up with him and now want him back. It is up to him whether to take you back or not.

You need to let him have his time to think about things.

It's out of your control now. So I would take things like he is not comming back and move on.

[kctiger]

How do I win my ex back?

You don't! These are people, not awards. They have their own mind and own agenda. You have to do what is best for you, and heal and try and move on. Sitting around waiting for him to give you an answer is rather unfair, don't you think? And you broke it off with him, so it seems it may have backfired on you... sucks huh?

[ZoeMarie]

How do I win my ex back?

You don't! These are people, not awards. They have their own mind and own agenda. You have to do what is best for you, and heal and try and move on. Sitting around waiting for him to give you an answer is rather unfair, don't ya think? Have you asked this question before?

I totally agree but I have to spread the rep. It's not fair to sit around and wait and wonder, I would definitely move on from here. You're doing well with the no contact. Just remember to keep it up because the time that he did call you, you said it gave you hope. You don't want false hope in these situations because it just takes longer to heal then.

[loveyouall]

My boyfriend and I broke up 5 weeks ago after 8 years relationship. The first two weeks after the break up, I called him up and spoke few times, because I want him back and want to save our relationship, he said he couldn't take me back, and he doesn't want to say to me that he want to abandon our relationship, finally he asked me to give him some time to think things over. I believe he still loves me very much, and I love him very much too. Since then, we have spoke for about a week now. I did not call him and he didn't call me either.
I sort of giving up hope that we can get back together since what he had said as to me, what it sounds like to me is we're finished, but he just didn't want to say out to me.
If we continue with the 'no contact', will I lose him ? I don't want to lose him, but how long do I have to wait for him to make a decision ?
If he knows that I have move on and let go of this relationship, and started dating, how will he feels ? If he still loves me, will that make me miss me and come back to me ?
Is there any chance that we can get back together ?

[TrueFaith]

My dear never wait around for someone to think about being with you or not.

Let him have his own issues and let him do all the thinking he wants

In the mean time you must not wait around for him to make up his mind. You are not an apple he is trying to buy in the supermarket.

Live your life and move on with out him.

Your life is yours to live. Not for you to wait around for someone else to make up there minds.

Do this for yourself
Go no contact

As mr Talaniman says... Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs

[kctiger]

You also need to think about what you are saying. If you move on, start dating, will he miss you? So, if you 'move on' and start using people (cause that's what you would be doing) only to make him jealous and come back, what kind of person does that make you? If he love you, if he was really in love with you, you two would be together, fact! You need to move on because this relationship didn't work. What you can't do is date other people simply to make him think you have moved on. That is not fair to those other guys.

[talaniman]

Instead of working things out, you kick him to the curb, and now have changed your mind.

Look at it from his standpoint, what if you did this again? It wasn't fair in the first place, and its not fair now to expect him to put his eggs back in your basket.

Leave him alone, and get your own act together.

[talaniman]

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

Lets be clear as you broke up with him, and you have changed your mind.

He said he couldn't take me back,

Take him at his word and leave him alone while you regroup, and get your act together.

You also never said what made you break up.

[loveyouall]

my dear never wait around for someone to think about being with you or not.

let him have his own issues and let him do all the thinking he wants

in the mean time you must not wait around fo him to make up his mind. you are not an apple he is trying to buy in the supermarket.

Live your life and move on with out him.

your life is yours to live. not for you to wait around for someone eles to make up there minds.

do this for your self
go no contact

as mr Talaniman says... Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs

Thank you for your advice. But if I continue with the 'no contact', will I push my ex further away and make him feel that I don't want to get back with him. Also, will he miss me and curious about what's going on in my life, etc. As for me, I miss him so much already, and always have the urge to call him or text him. During these time, I have been wondering what's going on with him and what's he doing... I'm so heart broken...

[kctiger]

There is no way to answer that. We know how you feel, being heart broken, but the best thing you can do is keep on going no contact. Your heart will continue to be in shatters if you don't start healing. Nothing you do will bring him back. If he wants to come back, he will.

[liz28]

Oh course he isn't going call you like he used too, those days are over.

It best for you to move on and in the future think about your actions before hand instead of acting on them because you can't play with people emotions by dumping them today but then change your mind and want them back.

Why did you dump him in the first place?

[loveyouall]

I broke up with my b/f about 1 ½ month ago. The first two weeks after the breakup, we spoke on the phone a few time because I regret it and wanted to salvage our relationship. But no matter what I said and begged him, he said we couldn’t get back together now, and to give him a month time to think it over. I sort of got the hint that he wants end the relationship even though he said he needs time. So I told him that I got his message and will not bother him from now on, and he can take his time to think. Since then, we have not contacted each other for almost 2 weeks. My birthday is coming up this Friday, I do not expect to receive a present, or a phone call, or email/text message from him. I’m worry about myself that I will be very disappointed and get depressed for not hearing from him when that day come. I tried not to think about this, but the thought of it just come naturally. How can I block this thought out of my mind, and how do I deal with the disappointment ? Any advice.

[ZoeMarie]

I'll tell you the same thing that I tell everyone when they've been through a break up. Find other things to do to occupy your time. Take up a new hobby. Join a gym. Hang out with your friends. Don't expect a call or a text or anything on your birthday because you guys broke up. Stick with the no contact. It will be easier to heal that way.

[loveyouall]

I broke up with my b/f few weeks ago after 8 years. After the breakup, I was really regretted. During the first two weeks, I did the stupid things (which I should not have done, I regret that I did that) of hoping to have him back such as begging, crying, pleading, phone…. Etc. still unable to change his mind to take me back, and he insisted that he needs time. I was really hurt and heartbroken. Since then we have not contacted each other for about two weeks now. During these 2 weeks of no contact, I did some serious thinking about our relationship and trying to recover from the pain. It seems like my ex is “playing with the mind game” because I broke up with him. He doesn’t want me right now because he knows he can have me, he has me hanging by a string because I had begged him to take me back. I really regret that I was so foolish to do those things just to have him back which obviously did not work.
Why am I feeling so hurt even though I was the one that broke up with him. Is it because I feel he doesn’t want me, and it’s human nature that we always want what we cannot have? Is he is just trying not to call me like I’m trying not to call him. Is he playing with the mind game?
Should I continue with the ‘no contact’ ? I know that ‘Absence does make the heart grow fonder’ but your longing to be with that person will go away after a while. Is that true?

[BlackVY]

Sorry, quick question, but who did the actual breaking up? Was it your decision or his?

[loveyouall]

Sorry, quick question, but who did the actual breaking up? Was it your decision or his?

I was my decision to break up, but I regret I did cause I still love him.

[BlackVY]

Hmmm in that case, I don't know if he is playing any mind games at all.

Check it, you left him after 8 years. That's a serious blow to a guy and its quite heart breaking to be dumped by a woman you've been with for 8 years.

Right now, he is unsure if he can love again, his heart is still in pieces. He needs time to heal and think about a future with you if there is one. He needs to know if you will break his heart again.

Once bitten, twice shy, so he is extra cautious now. He does seriously need time, and you should give it to him, but let him know you still love him.

Yeah people will tell you to move on and stuff, easier said than done because you do love him, so it all comes down to how much you want him, whether there is a real future you want with him and if he trusts you enough to give his heart to you again.

Good luck... Peace

[talaniman]

Should I continue with the 'no contact' ?

Definitely!!

but your longing to be with that person will go away after a while. Is that true?

Yes basically if you stay busy doing things you enjoy and leave them alone.

Every one is different, and filling the hole in your soul from and an 8 year love thang can take quite a lot of time so be patient.

[loveyouall]

I broke up with my girl friend few weeks ago. We have not been in contacted since the breakup. Her birthday is coming up. Should I send her a birthday wish (a card or email or text message). I still love her and still have feelings for her, but I don't want to get back together with her. If I send her birthday wish, will I give her falso hope ? Should I or shouldn't I?