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    Rosalie_16's Avatar
    Rosalie_16 Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 9, 2008, 04:34 PM
    I want to get married
    I am only 16 and I want to get married. My Dad says it's a wonderful idea, but my mom doesn't like him. My grandma has adopted me, but can I still get my dad to sign the papers to get married young?
    Gem_22205's Avatar
    Gem_22205 Posts: 976, Reputation: 129
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    #2

    Nov 9, 2008, 05:48 PM
    According to the Marriage Act under the section, Where the Minor is an Adopted Child, your adoptive guardian would have to give the consent.

    Some states require a court to issue permission based upon the parental/guardian consent. Others allow the parent/guardian to consent on paper.

    Find out what the requirements are in your state by contacting a lawyer, your town hall or an online law source.

    Realize that in some states the permission of a judge may be necessary for the underage marriage to take place.
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #3

    Nov 24, 2008, 05:47 PM

    Exactly what is your hurry? Marriages at your age have a very hight rate of failure. I know that you think that it won't happen to you, and you are deeply in love, but I was deeply in love at 19, and got married. Neither of us had the ability to see around corners. At 16 you don't know what it takes to make a marriage work. You are still a child.

    All I'm saying, is you better be prepared for the things that can, and will happen, when you marry young. It takes more than love. At 16 you don't have the foresight to look into the future, and see the problems that are bound to arise. Your marriage could end even before it really begins. Think about this very carefully.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #4

    Nov 24, 2008, 05:50 PM

    I think I understand why Grandma has custody. Your dad thinks this is a good idea? Is he okay?

    You're 16, why the rush? Finish growing up, marriage isn't all gits and shiggles, it's hard work, a 16 year old really isn't up to the challenge.
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #5

    Nov 24, 2008, 05:55 PM

    I don't think there is a 16 yr old on the face of this earth that is prepared to get married at that age. You would be missing the best yrs of your life. You will disagree now, but trust me, remember that 10 or more yrs from now, and then come back and tell us you still disagree. If I were a betting girl, I would put my money on this one, and it wouldn't be in your favour.
    stevetcg's Avatar
    stevetcg Posts: 3,693, Reputation: 353
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    #6

    Nov 25, 2008, 02:15 PM

    Like others have said - what's the rush. I understand that you love him, but I promise, once you are married you won't love him more. At your age there is almost no upside to getting married and a whole lot of downside.

    Give it a few years. If when you are 18, you still feel this way, then go for it.
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #7

    Nov 25, 2008, 02:34 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Rosalie_16 View Post
    I am only 16 and I want to get married. My Dad says its a wonderful idea, but my mom doesnt like him. My grandma has addopted me, but can I still get my dad to sign the papers to get married young?
    I also wanted to mention the obvious! Your Grandmother has custody of you, your Mom doesn't like your choice in boyfrieds, and your Dad thinks his 16 yr old child getting married is a great idea? It sounds like there is something terribly wrong with you and your family dynamics here! There has got to be something major going wrong here, because there is something really wrong with this picture! Concentrate on your childhood, and your school work. How long will it be before you get pregnant? We don't need another uneducated family on welfare. We pay for that you know!
    uvware's Avatar
    uvware Posts: 57, Reputation: 9
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    #8

    Dec 3, 2008, 11:56 AM
    I hope that you are open to everyone's advice and that there is a reason why most of the repsonses urge you to wait.

    I've learned in life that when you face a major decision like this you need to allow yourself the time and open mindedness to think things through. Because this is a decision for LIFE. Here are some questions that I would be asking myself.

    Why do I want to get married now? Are you hating your home situation and this marriage a way out? Do you see all your friends married and want to do the same thing?

    How do you see your marriage in the future? Are both of you going to work? Can he support you? What does he feel is his role in the marriage? Some men feel that the women should be the ones working, if that is the case are you ready for that? Where will you live? Are you going to finish your education? Are you going to be a homemaker? What does a homemaker do?

    What is your love about? What is the basis for your love? Is it a "feeling" that you feel when you see him, like you feel when you have a crush? Do each of you trust each other? Does he love you for who you are now? Does he want you to change things about yourself? If you did change would he still love you?

    How much have you dated? Is this your first boyfriend? Like someone told me once... you want to date, dating is the process of understanding relationships, what's important to you, etc. If you marry the first man you date, then you are missing out on a whole lot of options. It's like trying on a pair of shoes. What if you bought the first pair you tried on and bought those? I don't know of many women who would do that, they want to try on to see the BEST fit.

    And if your love is meant to be, you would both date and then come back to each other. Have you heard the saying "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be"?

    What type of home does he come from? Was his father a strong role model?
    Why does your mom think it's not a good idea? Ask her to give you specifics.

    You also need to spend some time asking women what they think about marrying young, what are the benefits, what were the consquenses. I can tell you that almost all of my friends married young, I was the last one to marry at 32. I'm so glad I waited. I was able to have a career, travel, have fun and really understand what type of man I really wanted to have a relationship with. He adores me and I adore him. We love the same things and have the same beliefs. Life is good, but to get here I had many, many relationships some not so good, some bad and some good, I was actually engaged for 5 years before I met him.
    Compared to all my friends that tell me that they wish they waited, they had children young and didn't get to experience the fun lifestyle of being in your 20's. I was able to experience both.

    All in all, at the VERY least you should wait. Allow yourself at least a couple of years. So much changes in our minds and our bodies from 16 to 18. I know it seems weird, but you do and then you change again from 18-20, 21-25, 26-29, 30-33... it just keeps changing, Your thoughts your desires, everything. So I urge you to ask around, talk to women who have walked down that path already and at least give yourself a couple of more years. If he loves you he will wait and wait patiently.

    Sorry for the length... I hope this helps
    curisgrgegrmpbe's Avatar
    curisgrgegrmpbe Posts: 3, Reputation: 5
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    #9

    Dec 4, 2008, 11:43 AM

    I think that if you and your boyfriend love each other then there's no reason to rush into things - If this is true love and you are truly meant to be together then you will still be together in 5-10 years and can get married after you graduate high school or college
    The rushing into this makes me think you want to do this just so you can feel like he's committed to you - there are other ways to express this - promise rings for example - don't rush!
    dazzling's Avatar
    dazzling Posts: 45, Reputation: 3
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    #10

    Dec 6, 2008, 05:13 PM

    You are too young. You should date a lot people have fun. Getting to know yourself. I got married recently, I am in way in my twenties and believe me it is not easy.
    My husband and I often joke about how should we should have continued dating because that was the best year in our live.
    So enjoy being 16!
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #11

    Dec 7, 2008, 10:46 AM

    While I may sound like I am going against what the others are saying I think it is okay for a 16 yr old to get married
    BUT the problem is at 16 you really do not know yourself that well to take on somebody else and their issues as well. One of the reasons that many young marriages end up in divorce is that, often the girl decides she was cheated out of something and her whole identity is tied up in making this guy happy. Then she starts the I want out because 'I need to go find myself'. So if you do have your individuality established and you are working together toward same goals and have thought everything through MAYBE it can work.
    Also another problem is that many kids your age just decide they are in love and then after they have committed to the relationship they find out that they can't live with this bad habit, or she wants to live in the country, have 3 kids and a career and he wants to live in the city, have no kids and want her to stay home.
    There is so much more to know about each other than you realize when your young.
    So really you should wait and enjoy this stage of your relationship longer.
    Starbucks21's Avatar
    Starbucks21 Posts: 282, Reputation: 23
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    #12

    Dec 11, 2008, 09:48 AM

    I'm a redneck... I understand young weddings but keep in mind marriage isn't a honeymoon all the time. And while you may think you're grown up enough... is he? You might want to wait till you don't need parental/guardian consent
    KBC's Avatar
    KBC Posts: 2,550, Reputation: 487
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    #13

    Dec 11, 2008, 10:18 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Starbucks21 View Post
    I'm a redneck... I understand young weddings but keep in mind marriage isn't a honeymoon all the time. And while you may think you're grown up enough... is he? you might want to wait till you don't need parental/guardian consent
    And then wait another 10 years or so.

    My sister-in-law has asked me if my brother could have been happier if... this or that... hadn't happened in their marriage.They were in their late 20's when they married,you know, dated through collage,got their degrees,had fine jobs, THEN got married and had 1 child.And she STILL asks these questions.

    Life has many bumps,can you imagine how life will be in one year?How about 6 months?I can't, even in this stage of life,things change,people change.Marriage isn't a solution,it's an agreement between 2 different people who TRY to find a way to co-exist.

    I hope you have listened to these people and made a better decision than to get married so young.
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #14

    Dec 11, 2008, 12:16 PM

    GeekerGirl86 agrees: I will partly agree.. Marriage CAN work even at the age of 16.. I've been married 12 years and I won't lie it took A LOT to get to 12.. But it CAN happen if you both are willing to work hard!

    I don't necessarily disagree with that either. But boy, it takes a lot of work. I'm sure you know that! I just get the sense that there is more than meets the eye in this case. I think there are a lot of family problems that she may be trying to escape from, and she may think getting married is going to solve those problems. Quite the opposite, and I'm sure you'd agree. It seems like you had the insight to know that a marriage is hard sometimes, and it's not all romantic, and fun and games! It's often like having a second, third, or fourth job!

    I also get the sense here, that there is a little bit of a fairytale, happily ever after ending thing going on, and there isn't a realization of the reality of marriage, and the actual work it takes to have a healthy marriage.

    Congrats to you for working to make yours last! :)
    KBC's Avatar
    KBC Posts: 2,550, Reputation: 487
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    #15

    Dec 11, 2008, 01:50 PM
    Somehow, a 16 year old wanting to 'escape' the confines of childhood and go straight to adulthood, without the experiences necessary in between, seems to be the latest thing.

    I wish I could better explain the need to wait for this kind of rash action on your part,but you might need to learn this lesson the same way I(we) did.

    In the end the posts we have added for your benefit will be here,and when you finally come to your senses, I(we) will be there to help you through the difficult times when the kids are puking and need doctor visits,you with no money(because finishing school couldn't happen,you wanted to be an adult and had to get a job to support yourself and whatever needs you have,including kids health care).

    History repeats itself,it is all over the faces of time.Do you want to be in the same shoes your family is in?Do you want your children to not have 2 parents to care for them?Think it won't happen to you?I have seen this type of thinking too may times(I did it myself,I knew better than EVERYONE ELSE).

    If you want us to, I am sure we can find the same question(s) you have asked and you can look at the advice given total strangers,don't be surprised if it is the same as we have offered you.

    *NOTE: All the answers and not one response:(
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #16

    Dec 11, 2008, 01:57 PM

    I had to spread the rep my dear, but that was a perfect answer! I have also noticed that the OP has not come back to respond! I hope she does, but in the meantime, I hope some other teens read this all of the way through.

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