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bored987 · Dec 7, 2008, 12:18 AM

If her dad is really hurting her and her mother the best thing to do would be to get law enforcement involed you said tat they don't want to do tat by it might need to be done if not ask her if there is anything that you could do to help or maybe suggest that either her dad or her and her mom go to some kind of counciling if they think that that would help

timtim-awesim · Dec 7, 2008, 12:27 AM

I think it depends on how old you two are. Is she 15? 20? Maybe she could move in with you :-)

NItEMArE129 · Dec 7, 2008, 08:20 AM

We're still teenagers in high school so I don't think she could move in with me haha. And is law enforcement really the best course of action right now? They've exhausted counseling because her dad just gets pissed off at the counselor, screams that it's a waste of money, and runs out. Is there anythign else?

ingrid119 · Dec 7, 2008, 08:27 AM

Maybe your girlfriend can go to a psychiatrist by herself... her father obviously can't be controlled but the way she recepts and deals with his abusiveness can. They can teach her steps to tone him out, to gain back her confidence.

NItEMArE129 · Dec 7, 2008, 08:39 AM

She already goes to a psychologist for clinical depression but he's next to useless... And her regular psychologist is on break for 3 years so he can't help.

N0help4u · Dec 7, 2008, 09:10 AM

These counselors and psychologists should be reporting the abuse to the Children's Services they are mandated by law to report abuse.
I really know the dad's point on them being a waste because I have never had any that did anything but sit there and say uhhmm.
I had one good one and she still didn't do or say anything. I felt like I was just as well off sitting at home telling the wall my problems and saving my time and bus money. BUT these counselors should have seen by his behavior that he is abusive and reported it to the CPS.
If they aren't going to do anything (and often CPS will not even do anything) then getting them involved will only make it harder because it WILL bring the very worst out in him that they were contacted. The mother should be taking a long hard look at what is going on and make decisions like leaving him. As long as she won't I am not sure there is much you can do without ending up having it create more problems. Other than that your girlfriend needs to stress to her psychologist exactly how bad it is and ask them for advise and help on getting out of the situation.

NItEMArE129 · Dec 7, 2008, 09:47 AM

Does anybody have any tips for dealing with th eabuse and letting it roll off? Because I don't have any and this has caused her to have a lot of psychological problems.

worriedjc · Dec 7, 2008, 09:54 AM

It sounds like this has been a pattern of abuse that mom has accepted and that counseling is not working. The only way this will get resolved is if mom and daughter leave the household. As much as you want to help your girlfriend, there is really nothing you can personally do to change her father's behavior. He was probably abused himself and is unsure or unwilling to change this behavior. Your girlfriend's mom needs to make a change for herself and her daughter. They could go to a domestic violence shelter or call the police, have him removed and get a restraining order. The restraining orders will only do so much, the best thing would be to get away from him. If there is some family to go to that would be best, but it sounds like mom needs some counseling as well to get out of this abusive situation.

Don't try to solve this problem on your own, you can't and may make things worse.

timtim-awesim · Dec 8, 2008, 09:05 PM

If her dad flips out, have her come to your house for the night until he chills. Explain the problem to your own parents and let them know when she sleeps over.

timtim-awesim · Dec 8, 2008, 09:06 PM

I agree, you could make problems much worse if you try to intervene. Just be there to support your girlfriend, that's all you got to do

N0help4u · Dec 9, 2008, 05:58 AM

Originally Posted by timtim-awesim

if her dad flips out, have her come to your house for the night until he chills. Explain the problem to your own parents and let them know when she sleeps over.

Having her come to his house for the night could cause a whole nother set of problems.
Dad could call the police and get them for harboring a minor if she is a minor.

NItEMArE129 · Dec 9, 2008, 02:26 PM

Plus that's probably a recipe for disaster because her dad is not OK with me being her boyfriend which would only make him angrier

timtim-awesim · Dec 10, 2008, 08:31 PM

He can't do anything because she's staying at a friend's house overnight. The police won't listen to his case..
Anyway you were making it seem like her staying at home was a recipe for disaster as well

timtim-awesim · Dec 10, 2008, 08:32 PM

And I didn't mean for her to move in, just for her to come overnight.

N0help4u · Dec 10, 2008, 08:33 PM

Originally Posted by timtim-awesim

He can't do anything because she's staying at a friend's house overnight. the police wont listen to his case..
anyway you were making it seem like her staying at home was a recipe for disaster as well

How do you figure?
Yes it may be a recipe for disaster but you do not jump into the fire to get away from the smoldering heat.

NItEMArE129 · Dec 11, 2008, 12:53 PM

And he can make the case sound however he wants it to. The police are obliged to listen and take it seriosly because they never know if it's real or not.

roxy8120 · Dec 12, 2008, 09:19 AM

TIMTIM answer is the best at this point

NItEMArE129 · Jan 7, 2009, 08:16 PM

Threads merged

This was out of curiosity because my girlfriend and I recently decided not to give gifts to each other for Valentine's Day. We're fairly young, and we ran out of ideas for gifts. I was curious to know if this could be potentially damaging to our relationship. Should we get gifts anyway, or should we just not get gifts?

ylaira · Jan 7, 2009, 08:25 PM

Giving gifts is showing your willingness to please. However, using gifts to cover important factors like communication and time is't good as well. Gifts is not necessary but it's nice to get one once in awhile.

Clough · Jan 7, 2009, 08:26 PM

Hi, NItEMArE129!

If you've both decided not to get gifts, it's okay. If a couple gives gifts or not isn't a determining factor for success in a relationship, unless the couple has been together for a number of years and giving gifts is the thing that's expected to be done and one of the persons truly expects to be given and/or to give a gift. Then, there might be problems.

However, to have a problem simply because a person didn't receive or give a gift is irrational. There are much bigger things about which to be concerned in a relationship than material things.

Thanks!