[supergirl2008]

This is my story,

My ex had broke up with me 2 weeks ago because he has commitment issues and can’t seem to being down his wall to let me in. we have been together for 1 year (on Wednesday). He will be most likely moving to Europe in Jan for his career (he is an athlete). We had no contact for 2 weeks, until I texted him on Tuesday. Yes, I know, I shouldn’t have but this made him call me and we had a intense 4 hour conversation while he was away for a game. He poured his heart out. Saying that he thinks I am the one, how I am perfection and I have been and will be the most important person in his life. He was so emotional about this - I didn’t even know what to say. He has never opened up to me like this and really had me thinking. He kept putting himself down how confused he is with himself on how he is not able to let me in when he really wants 2. This is due to a bad relationship he had in the past. I told him that unfortunately I have to give him an ultimatum. That he is to only call me and contact me when he is 130% sure he will commit to me and will take me with him to Europe. I will not sit back and have this man break up wit me again cause he has problems. I can’t fix them, if he thinks I am the one, well then smarten up and be with me. He agreed that he would take the time to think and really map out what he wants. I am tired of waiting and being thrown around. He unfortunately text the next night when he was drunk and the text made no sense, the fact is that he was thinking of me and tried contacting me when he clearly wasn’t capable of even making proper sentences. I replied and he replied to saying how sorry he is that he txted me, he was very drunk and he kept apologizing and will see me on the 17th (this is our 1 year anniv). I didn’t respond back. Guys, I don’t know what is going to happen, would a guy pour his heart out and then not want to commit? What do you think will happen?

[talaniman]

You have had a lot of problems with this guy, and neither of you wants the same thing at this point in life.

Beware confusing his emotional outburst, as letting down the walls, as he probably will go to great lenghts to keep his comfort zone intact.

I also caution you about thinking a commitment from him will solve all your problems, it definetly will not, and will mask other things you need to see, as reading your other posts, your good at ignoring red flags waving in front of you.

His actions speak volumes, and when you get tired of chasing a guy who doesn't want to be caught, you'll give up.

[JBeaucaire]

What you have with this guy will always have the "tone" it has now. Is that how you want to spend the next 60 years? Dating and finally ENDING UP with someone is supposed to be a joyous accomplishment, not a "giving in to the other person". I hope you see that.

I'm sorry for your loss. Once YOU accept the reality of the breakup, you'll be much closer to starting to find a guy who IS looking for the same things you are. It's not a failure that you and this guy are coming to a close. It's not. Relationships have to live and die, and it's so much better for everyone when it's done honestly and not with undue manipulations and ultimatums. They don't work, and when they do, it's a victory borne of sadness.

Once you get back to looking, there is so much more you can attain. I'm looking forward to that day for you.