[holdfasthope123]

I have been with this girl for 11 months and I am in love with her. I met her at school and she lives in another state. We have had a great relationship with lots of fun and laughing and great sex. About a month before school got out she broke down crying one day because she said that she didn't love me and that she didn't know what to do when it came time for her to go home for the summer. She said the only way she would do a long distance thing over summer would be if she was madly in love with me. I told her to enjoy the last month and then see how we felt after that. The month passed and it was time to say goodbye and she told me she wanted to do a long distance thing and that she wanted me to visit her over the summer. She also told me that she loved me and that I was the person who made her the happiest. We have talked everyday of summer and I went to visit her for 11 days. We had a lot of ups and downs and then she told me that she had wanted to break up over summer but she hadn't because she was afraid I would write her off next year at school. But, we didn't end up breaking up even though I said that I would take a break and pick it back up with her again at school. Then I was supposed to go on vacation with her a few weeks later and she ended up not going. She called me and told me she couldn't do it anymore and that she wanted to pick it back up at school then I asked not to speak to me for four days. 2 hours later that same day she sent me 30 texts saying she had just been stressed out and had not meant it. I didn't respond and that night she left me a sobbing voicemail saying she didn't want to lose me. I forgave her the next day and we are together. But during all this she says that she's still not in love with me and that it will take more time. I am wondering why she stayed with me over this whole summer and talked to me everyday for hours and let me visit her and how she wants to be together at school if she is not in love with me? She is also going abroad the whole year after this year. I am wondering is she in love with me and denying it or is she using me or does she just really like me and if so will she fall in love or am I just wasting my time?

[happy_jester]

The trouble with this girl,is that,she's very indecisive... so getting her to
Actually commit to a relationship is going to be very hard indeed

She is also going abroad the whole year after this year.

Also,this is something that you will have to consider,very carefully

[JBeaucaire]

I sort of agree, but indecision is the easy part. The worse part is she's selfish. She's leading this debate with you as if you have no feelings/responses of your own. She's treating you like a pet.

She's breaking up with you because she likes you, but not really enough to be exclusive. That's the actual truth. When she says THAT, she's being honest.

But then her selfish fears about being alone/lonely/not having all the fun she wants, you finding someone better than her (easy to do if you let it), all that stuff wells up in her and she grabs you back.

And you letting her yo-yo you only gives her power she shouldn't have.

It's been 11 months. I know how you feel about her. She's actually told you how she doesn't really feel the same way about you, but her selfishness isn't letting her let you go have a life of your own.

So, your attachment to HER and her attachment to HERSELF is going to make you miserable unless you admit the truth of this situation, and put an end to it. And I don't mean "threaten to put an end to it so she'll take you back." I mean put an end to it.

It's hard to be smart when your heart wants something. It really is. But it's not impossible.

Eleven months is plenty of time. The love has to be growing, sure and steady, on BOTH sides for this to be worth your heart strings. Her side isn't growing. In fact, she's really WANTING to find someone she likes better.

You should want the same. It's fine that you like/love her, but it's VITAL that you be chasing after someone who could be "it" for you. She's already told you that you aren't "it" for her... don't you want a girl who thinks you are "it"?

Of course you do.

[happy_jester]

And you letting her yo-yo you only gives her power she shouldn't have.

Time for NO CONTACT so that she is denied that power!!

[talaniman]

Hope you had fun, and keep the good times special, but no way does it go further. Have the good sense to let it go.

[Romefalls19]

Time has run its course on this relationship. Good thing you found out now rather than later. Keep the memories close and you will find someone who will love you, but love yourself first!

[happy_jester]

But love yourself first!

That's the very best thing you can do,and once achieved,will start the healing
Process