[Chuwie]

I was with my girlfriend for 2.5 months and she broke up with me about 2 months ago. My now ex has had a bit of a traumatic experience over the past three years and as a result she doesn't handle pressure/ stress very well and she can't fully open up and tell you how she feels and what is troubling her.

Anyway, she broke up with me because "she didn't have the time or energy to handle a relationship" plus there were some other things that I had done wrong which helped her make her discission. It would be wrong to assume that she is the only victim as she did do some things that frustrated me. But these issues are easy to work on and make better.

I have tried dating some other women. I have met some very nice women out there, but it has proven one thing. I want my ex back. She made me happy, I have never been so happy before. I wanted to become a better person for her, and be the best boyfriend she ever had, while I can't tell you whether she he one", I do know that I want a decent chance at making us work and seeing what the future holds. I am unsure if she will ever take me back, but I can't live the rest of my life with "what ifs" running through my head.

So the question that I need help with is: should I ask for another chance? Is it really worth it? And if it is, how do I go about asking for another chance.

[Janmarie]

If it is important to you to make another go at the relationship then yes you should. But do it slowly without pouring out your heart and soul to her right now. There will be the perfect time for that later when or if you win back her heart.

Have you been talking to her? If so then it will be easy for you to tell her you want to take her out to dinner, no strings attached, no pressure. If she says yes and you set a date...then the possibility is definitly there. But make it a comfortable and casual time together and just talk. See how it goes and if the date turns out well, ask her out again for another time.

Basically take it slow, you'll get a feel for when it is the best time to ask her for a relationship again. Sometimes you have to work into it and if she still has feelings for you then the possibility is good.

Just remember that you don't want what you had before with her, it could never be the same again but you can have something better with her.

[talaniman]

Move forward not back. Trying to get an ex to change her mind is like shaving your balls, and just as painful.

Don't waste your time, but give yourself a chance to move on, to something better.

Heal the broken heart first, by accepting she is not as interested in a relationship as you are, so best leave her alone for a while.

[Janmarie]

Talaniman, your advice is good and I respect your reasons but I think he should at least try. Situations change and so do people. I know the relationship only lasted 2.5 months and the reasoning was she didn't have the time or energy. Which could be true or false but he doesn't want to go on wondering "what if."

I think he should and if things have changed in her situation then the chance of getting back together is possible. It is a 50/50 chance and at least he will know one way or the other and he won't spend his time wondering "what if?"

[BetrayalBtCamp]

Asking her out isn't a bad choice but only if you are prepared to go slow & try to be a good friend to her instead of pressuring her to be in a full blown relationship right off the bat again.

You could try emailing her a joke or something she would like & see what her reaction to that is. If she writes back & seems receptive to exchanging emails, then ask her if she'd like to get coffee or have lunch with you. If you are serious about her seeing you as boyfriend potential again, you will have to be patient & respect her boundaries.

Good luck!

[talaniman]

Heal the broken heart first, by accepting she is not as interested in a relationship as you are, so best leave her alone for a while.

I can understand the thinking, and agree he should be prepared for the worst while hoping for the best.

I just don't think it should be jumped into, or even considered, until the emotional dust settles, and he is prepared to move on. Healing allows the good common sense, to be used not just feelings, to make a decision, that's all I was trying to convey.

[Janmarie]

Yes I agree to that, it should be taken slowly to get a feel for where her head is at this moment. Taking it slow will allow him to test the waters so to speak before he jumps in. But once the waters have been tested and it feels right for both then the rest of it will happen all on it's own.

He has a deep desire to be back with his ex and from that desire I encourage him to give it a go.

[BetrayalBtCamp]

"I just don't think it should be jumped into, or even considered, until the emotional dust settles, and he is prepared to move on."

That's true, because otherwise you both will still be on different timelines with different agenda's which will end up causing problems / hurt feelings.

It also sounds like she has a lot to still deal with from the trauma she suffered so until she gets that properly resolved, will not be able to give a relationship the time & energy it needs.

If you can be a good friend to her, do it. If you are going to keep wanting more than she can give, it's better just to make a clean break now & move on so you can find someone ready to be in a relationship that really is into you & vice versa.

It's also human nature to want what we can't have & no one loves rejection, so take some time to figure out whether it's really this relationship you want or it's a just a challenge to you to get her to change her mind.

Good luck!