How Do You Know?

Katie128 · Apr 18, 2006, 01:29 PM

How do you know who is the right one for you? I have this friend who has been with a nice guy for a couple of years. He wants to get married but she's wishy washy. Recently this client of ours has been flirting with her and she's considering going for coffee with him. I asked, "what about your boyfriend?". Her answer was, "hey, better I find out now if he's the one." But they've been living together for 2 years. At what point do you know?

Wildcat21 · Apr 18, 2006, 03:08 PM

Sounds like she would 'settle' with the first guy - not good. She should know by now if the 'nice guy' is it. Sounds like she may be leading the 'nice guy' on.

BUT, IF she goes for coffee... SHE SHOULD END IT with "Mr. Nice Guy" FISRT. She seems to be LEADING HIM ON waiting for Mr. Right.

Otherwise, I say it's cheating.

I think she should end with Mr. Nice guy anyway. Nice guy needs to learn a few things I suspect.

Settling just ends up in divorce.

phillysteakandcheese · Apr 19, 2006, 07:42 AM

If they've been living together for two years, they have a common law relationship. If she wants to date other people, she should be separating from her current guy as Wildcat points out.

You said she is just thinking about going for coffee. I think that in itself is not bad. Everyone notices or talks to someone from time to time and feels attraction to them. That part of being human.

If she makes the next step of actually going out for coffee with the new guy, she is at the point where she has to decide whether she wants to stay in her current relationship or explore what else is out there.

Sitting in the fence like she is, I suspect - like Wildcat - that she is just leading Mr. Nice Guy on until something "better" comes along... and that is despicable behaviour.

Katie128 · Apr 19, 2006, 10:41 AM

Thank You... and you're right, leading somebody on and taking advantage of their kindness until something (or someone) else comes along is not right at all.

Hypatia · Apr 19, 2006, 11:31 AM

Your friend is only in the present relationship until she finds another man to get out of it with. She is there with the current guy because she loves him, but isnt in love with him. At some point she fell out of love and was left daydreaming and just waiting for the day her "Mr Right" will come along. Odds are it will be Mr Wrong to help her break up with the nice guy. She will end the good relationship, spend a little time in the bad one and the Mr Wrong #2 guy will leave her heartbroken in the end. Then she will long for the first guy, maybe go back to him if he will have her and from there I can go on but you get the idea.
She just isnt in love with Mr nice guy. She needs to talk to him and figure out how to move on without too much hurt before she does the above.

Hypatia