[bman800]

:confused: me and my girlfriend are going steady but she has already gone out with many of my friends and now I am kind of thinking about this a lot and never got to experience the dating world first, I think I might be jelous but I really do love her and I don't want to leave her. I love her. I have had to watch her fool around with many of my best friends.(before we were together) but she claims she loved me during this!! I think that's unbelievable! But what do I do ? I love her but I kind of want to go out into the dating world explore it... fool around a bit. PLEASE HELP!

[danielnoahsmommy]

Either get over it real quick or it will end up destrying your relationship.

[bigbird213]

It isn't fair to her if you are thinking about leaving her to "fool around a bit". If that's what you really want, be honest with her and break it off. Don't lead her on while you are having thoughts of not being with her - that isn't fair.

As far as what she did in the past - its just that - the past. You can't hold her past actions against her, and if it is something you can't get over, then maybe it is better of that you two breakup?

[Romefalls19]

How do your friends feel about you being with their ex? To me that was always an unwritten rule for guys.

Her past, is her past. You either chose to be with her or you don't. You can't hold that against her, it isn't right.

[bigbird213]

Rome,

Good point, I didn't even think of that. I agree though, dating your friend's ex's is generally something you want to stay away from. Why would you want to start that sort of drama?

[Andrew916]

I went out with my best friends ex and we were all cool with it. My circumstances were different however. I didn't know at the time that they had gone out. (they had gone out long before I knew either of them). If it really bothers you that much and it's making it uncomfortable, maybe you guys should just be friends. Just my opinion

[JBeaucaire]

Rome already knows I disagree with the "never date an friend's ex" rule. It makes sense from a comradery standpoint, and choosing to employ that rule FOR YOURSELF is fine.

But it's NEVER OK to foster life rules that require OTHER people to act in ways I like just so I won't feel hurt by things that really have nothing to do with me.

Once you break up with someone, they're free to do as they will... date anyone, including people you know or are even related to. It doesn't hurt because they are dating someone you know, it hurts because they are dating someone at all. There's no reason, no REAL LIFE reason, for us to push rules onto our friends and relatives just to ease our healing process.

It makes SENSE that we want to do that, and again, choosing to do it YOURSELF... go for it. But the heart likes whom the heart likes. I would HATE to miss out on dating a potential Mrs. Right just because she and one of my friends dated and it didn't work out. I'd hate to ever find out my butting in kept someone from a true love experience.

Anyway...

[Romefalls19]

JB, yes, I do know you disagree with that rule. In a way I do as well, simply like this. Depending upon length of relationship and who ended it with who, but I would like to think my friends would have respect enough to ask if I was okay with it if it was a short time after.

[chuff]

How old are you?

I also don't believe her when she says she loved you but was with your friends. It seems like a line to keep you around and stop the questions you have about her.

[bigbird213]

JB,

Interesting stand point, and I agree 100% that it has nothing to do with who is dating your ex, it's the fact that someone is dating your ex at all. However, I do have a question for you.

You don't think it is a good quality of a friend to try to help you if they know what they are doing is hurting you? I understand both parties are free to do as they will, but it seems to me that a friend would rather not cause you undue pain than to date this someone...

[Romefalls19]

I agree BB, I mean I can see both sides of the argument. If the break up is still fresh, I wouldn't expect a friend to dive right into trying to get her, but if time has passed and they bring it to your attention, out of respect I would give them my blessing. One of my best friends is currently dating an ex from HS... Doesn't phase me at all

[bigbird213]

I guess it can be called being young or being immature, but I wouldn't have an issue if it wasn't a fresh breakup. I would appreciate the character of a friend if they were to approach me before doing it. Not to say I would be angry if they dated an ex while I still had feelings, but I wouldn't be happy..

[Andrew916]

This may sound strange but I'd like to know my ex is with a friend of mine- just not immediately after the separation. I'd be comfortable knowing she'd with a good guy who isn't a complete a$$ and will treat her right.

[JBeaucaire]

I think we all are in agreement on result, and just not on process.

I think mature, healthy individuals can be friends with people who are doing things they don't agree with, possibly even find hurtful, but BEING mature and healthy they can keep that in check, and not affect their friendship over it.

Unfortunately, we all know that most people, especially those coming here for help, are far from healthy OR mature, hehe.

So, as I said, choosing NOT to date someone to spare a friend's feelings... I get that and find it a fine choice to make for yourself. Needing or REQUIRING that back is just immature in my thinking. Understandable, but imposing my feelings into other's relationships is sort uncalled for... in my humble opinion.

[bigbird213]

Agreed that it is a decision for you to make and not force on anyone else...

I also agree that it requires a degree of health and happiness in yourself...

Just a hypothetical - what if she left you for a friend of yours?