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SoWrong · Jul 23, 2008, 07:34 AM

OK I have been keeping this in for SO LONG...
I went to school with this guy in Matric 3years back and I had a major crush on him.. but did not tell a soul and he liked me back but was dating a dorm room mate of mine because I would not give in, because so many of my mates liked him at the time( new guy at school) , we are no longer friends guess just went our separate ways! So while he was dating my friend I was VERY jealous but never said a word to him or to her.. until we left school and I have not seen her since but then after two years went by

Guess who I see my high school crush, was very happy to see him under the circumstance that he was now single and not involved with a friend of mine! Maybe we could maybe we could not, really did not matter, so anyway one day my new buddy that I had met a year before tells me about this new guy she likes and says he's name but he months def did not come to mind... to my surprise it was him and they started dating and I was NOT impresses one single bit, but as the friend that I am I acted HAPPY for her, until he started miss behaving like cheating and all these silly things, and at the beganing of their realationship he told her that he was in love with ME but will get over it.

So she use to cry on my shoulders and sms me, basically confide in me , and mind you I still liked this guy dearly, the more I saw them together the more fustration and hurt I felt but it was all my fault for not saying anything! But I just could not imajin hurting her like that, so time passed and he hung around us and obviously at parties him and I would talk and have silly moments because of the mutual feelings..

So they eventually broke up and that was final.
So recently him and I bumped into each other again on vication and had a few to drink and we kissed:-/ so at the airport the guilt was eating me inside so I just had to tell her.. so I did just that and she refused to speak to me, which was HIGHLY understandable, the guilt is SO bad you can't even imagine.. but funny enf I still like him A lot and so does he, he has been calling and I have been ignoring he's calls not replying to his text messages

My gosh I am in a mess and don't know what to do... I love my friend dearly and she does not deserve this at all, but my feelings won't let me down?

CONFUSED Don't KNOW WHAT TO DO... HELP?? :(

Romefalls19 · Jul 23, 2008, 07:37 AM

Give her time to cool off, as it must have hurt. You are doing all the right things by ignoring his calls and texts, but continue to do all of that.

erin7799 · Jul 23, 2008, 07:43 AM

So you say that this guy started cheating on your friend and other "silly" stuff and you still want to pursue this guy? Is sex or a relationship that you're after? It's nice to think that "he'd never do it to me" but the chances are great that if he did it to her, he'd do it to you. He didn't respect her enough to not cheat and the 2 of you didn't respect her enough to not share a kiss. He's right. Let her cool off and she just might come back around if you're lucky. Good Luck to you on this one!

Chery · Jul 23, 2008, 08:28 AM

Believe it or not, you are not the only one who has been in this situation. There have been men who felt guilty as heck for falling for their mate's girl and other women who have also felt guilty.
But, you have to think about yourself and your future, just as they did. Friendship is wonderful, but can you imagine living your life alone, without someone you've had in your heart for so long? OK, so you told her and now she is upset with you. Is she upset with him too or is she still with him? If she is still with him, she is forgiving him but not you... which will probably not last long because she'll always have that certain mistrust about him anyway. Plus the fact that he told her he liked you before he started with her, so she knew this.

So, if they are still seeing each other, leave them both alone. But, if they split, don't let him get away a third time. And, if he has not forgotten you either, then there should be nothing stopping you from eventually getting together after their partnership ends.

There are no guarantees in life, not even in friendship. You have to decide what chances you want in life and who you would want to spend it with more. I'd say stop feeling guilty alone, you are only human. There is cheating on others and then there is cheating yourself - make a choice.

This is only my opinion by what I've read. No matter how this turns out, good luck dear.

chuff · Jul 23, 2008, 08:55 AM

He cheated on your friend... wouldn't that be a clue what he's really like and what he'll do with you if he ever gets involved. Especially since your head over heels for the guy already, he as no reason not to cheat on you, you'll likely allow it since he can get away with it, with no chance of you dumping him but rather making excuses for his behavior. Consider yourself warned and lucky in advance.

SoWrong · Jul 23, 2008, 11:28 PM

Thank you so much for all the GREAT advice, and I think I have an idea of what I have to do... sometimes you have to let things go.. guess can't get it all:mad: but life will go on and will meet other people and rather work on my friendship, she does not deserve any of this no matter wich way I look at it.. Thank you again

Chery · Jul 24, 2008, 09:38 AM

Originally Posted by SoWrong

Thank you so much for all the GREAT advice, and i think i have an idea of what i have to do...sometimes you have to let things go..guess can't get it all:mad: but life will go on and will meet other people and rather work on my friendship, she does not deserve any of this no matter wich way i look at it..Thank you again

Glad that we could help you make a decision. You are a friend well deserved, just hope she appreciates that and comes around - remember the human factor here, and don't feel guilty. Let us know if we can help in any other way, any time.

Good luck dear

liz28 · Jul 24, 2008, 12:23 PM

Sowrong, I glad you deciding that because I would never date my best friend ex, to me its not right. Let alone finding the right mate, true friends are harder. She's mad right now and to be honest, I would too, you might be as well. Neither of your deserve him let him find someone else and turn their life upside down.

talaniman · Jul 24, 2008, 01:15 PM

Whew, I think you made a good choice, given the facts you know. He is not worth giving up a friend for.

marriaget · Jul 24, 2008, 05:36 PM

Hmmm I hate this situation.
You cannot control who you like/love and your feelings.
Give your friend some time to accept it.
That whole "never date ur bff's ex" is dumb, people say that because your best friends will be jealous.
And they say nooo I'm not jealous you just cant.. it's a girl rule.. . BS much?
Anyway, if you really like this guy... go ahead. Look if he cheated before, what makes you think he won't again... so be careful. If your best friends really loves you, she wouldn't stop talking to you. I don't know... it'll also be weird because if you guys chill/hang out together... ya know... lol your best friends was his ex... and yaddi yadda. Because calm down.. relax. Think about it. k?

SoWrong · Jul 31, 2008, 07:29 AM

Hi Friends

It has bee three weeks and my friend still won't talk to me and funny enough I am not hurting as much as before just kind of numb to the whole situation
Asked the ex to stop calling for the second time because he wouldn't but now I am sad that I have not heard from him.. am I psyco? Do I like attention? No I Like him and I just can't seem to get him out of my mind... I am losing my mind!