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SheConfusesMe · Jul 17, 2008, 09:50 AM

Hi, I’m 20 and my girlfriend is 22. We have been together for about two years. When I first met her, she had just gone through a terrible breakup with a verbally abusive boyfriend. What made it worse was that she had really fallen for this boy, and swore that she had never and probably would never feel that way about anyone again. I made the mistake of chasing her then, instead of giving her the time that I’m sure she needed to find herself again.

At that time, she said she didn’t want a relationship, but I persisted and we spent a lot of time together, until she got over that relationship. When things started getting serious, although she said she wanted to be with me when we were alone, and would get very jealous at the slightest mention of another girl, she still maintained that I was her boyfriend, but she wasn’t my girlfriend. Of course I told her that I could not accept that, she told me that that was all she had to offer to anyone at that time.

Some time passed and though we had the few normal arguments, things settled between us. She told me that she loved me and was sure that we would get married. But then she began to get controlling and I found that I hardly spent any time with my friends anymore. My friends also told me that they hardly saw me anymore and I realized that I spent all my time with her, and stopped doing all of the things I once enjoyed doing.
It’s not that I didn’t enjoy spending time with her but I found that we never did anything, just ate and watched television, and that is not me.

So I told her about my concerns, and told her that I could not take this treatment anymore (she gets very abusive and degrading when she is angry). We both broke down and cried, and she said that she wanted me to be her boyfriend (and she my girlfriend).

Since then, things got better and I had to help her through a very stressful period and be very supportive. I thought that things had truly gotten better, but then she dropped the news on me that she is attracted to someone else. She still claims that she loves me and wants to get married, but she doesn’t feel attracted to me in the same way. Furthermore, she told me that she wanted to explore her feelings for him. She also said that I should be understanding and that in the end I would have her and that is all that matters.

She says she is sure that she will get married to me and says that she would consider it cheating if I was interested in anyone else since I told her that I really love her, which I do, and while I am not interested in anyone else except for her, I feel like she is keeping me on a string while she explores her options. I told her this and she said that I should not worry and that I should be happy for her and support her if she does feel that way about someone since she hasn’t since her last ex. I told her I could support her as a friend but not her boyfriend and she is adamant that she wants me to stay committed to her.

Recently she told me that the guy doesn’t want a relationship with her and she didn’t want a long term relationship with him because he is a ‘badboy’ but she just liked him and now she is sulking because she wants him to like her. She says that she has settled for me and wants to get married to me because she loves me and I’m the best person for her, but she is just is not in love with me. I would love to be with her, but I’m definitely not sure if I’m willing to settle for that.

I’ve already written way too much and I still feel like I have so much more to explain. I guess I just needed to vent since I haven’t told any of this to my friends since I’m sure they would flip. I would really appreciate any advice...

Thanks,
SheConfusesMe

993099142 · Jul 17, 2008, 10:09 AM

She sounds like a BIATCH who deserves all the treatment that her ex-boyfriend gave her. She wants you to pine for her, and love her, but she doesn't want to return interest. You should go find another girlfriend and then watch her chase you out of jealousy!

talaniman · Jul 17, 2008, 08:04 PM

Furthermore, she told me that she wanted to explore her feelings for him. She also said that I should be understanding and that in the end I would have her and that is all that matters.

If you fall for that line, you deserve what ever you get.

She says that she has settled for me and wants to get married to me because she loves me and I'm the best person for her, but she is just is not in love with me. I would love to be with her, but I'm definitely not sure if I'm willing to settle for that.

She is playing you plain and simple and your falling for all her lines. Have you no dignity or self respect at all??

My advice, leave or get cheated on! Or dumped!! Or keep being played for a fool!!

Not to be harsh, but this is just too much!

kcgirl25 · Jul 17, 2008, 11:11 PM

OMG! You obviously sound like someone with a lot of patience and willing to love but she is DEFINITELY not the girl for you, she's playing you to the fullest extent and your buying it! This girl is not worth your time, move on! You'll be much better off and happier!

jiltedgirl · Jul 18, 2008, 12:06 AM

Wow. She is quite seflish and deluded, isn't she? What she's done is plain WRONG and indecent. Move on, my friend.

Romefalls19 · Jul 18, 2008, 05:14 AM

Are you serious! You are going to wait around for this girl to explore her feelings for him? Get out while you can, she should understand that

talaniman · Jul 18, 2008, 06:34 AM

Your judgement is clouded by her telling you things you want to hear, that aren't true.

liz28 · Jul 18, 2008, 08:34 AM

Get this girl out of your hairs quickl. She's nothing but problems and are you willing to put your feeling on the back burner for her while she wants you live by her rules demands? You be on the sidelines forever.

Marriage should not be consider and you love her. How can you love someone who don't love you and wants to hurt you whenever she feels like it? I did'nt know love is suppose to make you suffer and cause pain. Trust is not a word can you associate with her and I think your trying to change her, but that can't happen either.

She not ready for the things you have to offer so why waste what you have to give to someone who's not worth it. You need to wake up and open your eyes wide and se her for the person she is. The only reason why she wants to keep you is because you're her safety net and she knows no matter what you will take her back, she might need to shred a few tears, but she has you wrap around her finger.

If you stay one day you might explose and that can be dangerous. While you waiting she's looking for better and once she find it she be gone forever.

happy_jester · Jul 18, 2008, 09:31 AM

Originally Posted by SheConfusesMe

We both broke down and cried, and she said that she wanted me to be her boyfriend (and she my girlfriend)

"SheConfusesMe" from what I can see,from your post,we're talking about the fact that
she wants a boy/girlfriend relationship.

I thought that things had truly gotten better, but then she dropped the news on me that she is attracted to someone else.

This is where that theory truly falls apart She waits until you thought that things
had truly gotten better, then she drops the news on you that she is attracted to someone else. :eek:

In any relationship there has to be TRUST. Do you,honestly want
to be involved with a girl like this???

Spikeman · Jul 19, 2008, 10:13 AM

Hi Sheconfusesme,

First off I would like to say that my ex did this same thing, and the best thing I have found to do is to go to NC and work out and get back to my hobbies. It sucks what she did there is no doubt about that but if you continue to follow what she says it will only get worse. Just relax take a few deep breathes and go find your local gym, it will help out a lot.