[Romefalls19]

Ok friends, this is actually going to be a weird question for me as I am at a lost of what to do with this...

We have only been dating since June, but been "talking" since March. No major problems, we argue but it doesn't last long at all(talking a few mins) and we always talk it out rationally so maybe argue isn't the world. Her ex, was physically and mentally abusive to her. By emotionally I mean telling her she was wrong, she can't do anything right, and whenever she couldn't do something right away he would either rip her apart with the words or hit her. She has since elimated him out of her life the best she could(2 kids with him) so I understand he will be in her life, even if it's just a little, until they girls are 18. The problem I have is that she constantly thinks that if she tells me she will do something and can't do it right away, that I am going to get mad at her and scream at her. She will tell me that she is so sorry that she disappoints me. So I guess you can say she is insecure, which I understand from her past that she dealt with.

So my question is, how can I help put her fears to rest. I am not an angry guy and am extremely understanding. I have explained this to her, talked to her about how I'm not going to scream at her because she can't do something right away, and most importantly that she does not disappoint me at all.

Any ideas?

[southerngalps]

I don't think there is anything you can do... it has to be her that overcomes the fear. All you can do is just keep letting her know how you feel and patiently wait.

[HistorianChick]

G-man, (hi by the way!) the only way to show her that you aren't going to be like him is to do just that, show her. It will take time and patience... but you're the type of guy that will not mind. She needs to see that all guys are not like her ex, she needs to develop trust, and time is the only answer to that.

Be there for her, show her that you're not like him, give her the reasons to trust you, and she will. She has opened her heart to you, protect it, treat it well, treasure her and her girls.

One day soon she will realize that you are a great guy - one that she is lucky to be with - and she will trust you completely. Don't worry. :)

[Rockstar714]

Rome --

It just takes time. Lots of reassurance, talking things out.

My bf's ex gf's were abusive to him (physically/emotionally) they cheated, they hit him, they told him he was dumb, couldn't do anything right (his sister and his dad still do this to him) but he was (and still kind of is) so afraid that I'm going to cheat or get mad at him if he says no to me that he's super insecure.

The best thing you can do is reassure her that you're not him and that you're not going to get upset. Keep assuring her and talk things out. Its like training a dog or a child, you have to do it consistently. I know its awful to compare a girlfriend to a dog but it's the only way she'll understand that you're not like him.

[starlite1]

Hi Rome,

Everyone here has given you excellent advice. I don't know what else I can add. Just showing her, telling her, and being there for her, along with patience is everything you can do.

[Romefalls19]

Southern - I agree with the patiently waiting

Historian - Hello, I have missed you! Thank you so much for the compliments. She does say she trusts me completely, she says she has never been treated this good so she immediately fears I may leave because of the "disappointments" I am going to stick around as I feel strongly for this woman, I am doing all I can to show her that I'm different. It just takes time and I will be giving her that time and showing her that. I bought her a dozen roses the other night because I knew she had a rough day at work and she just started crying because it's never happened to her before.

Rockstar - It seems the growing trend is patience, and I have no problem in giving her that as she is everything I could want in a girlfriend. It is true that actions speak louder than words.

Thank you all for your replies! :-)