[HOP3L355]

She is a Gemini (26), I am a Pisces (31).
She is Fire, I am Ice (slowly melting away).

We have been together for almost 18 months yet the past 3 seem like a nightmare. She is like a time bomb that is ready to go off at any minute. When it seems like everything is going fine one minute, the next she is upset or mad at something I did or didn't do. We got in a big fight yesterday. I told her that “I'm not a mind reader, and that she needs to tell me things that bother her.” Apparently these are things that I should already know.

About a year ago she told me she has trust issues. I told her I am not her EX. Ever since then when we have an argument she says that I use her trust issues against her, even though to me they seem very apparent.

Well, we got into a fight, and as usual I wanted to drop it and curl up in my shell and hide from it. This makes her even madder, she wants to push and push and push it till I'm ready to explode. Luckily she left before this happened. I didn't call her back till the next day. I apologised for the mean things I said and tried to explain to her my point. She didn't see my point at all. We ended that conversation on a sour note. Later on that night she calls me back and explains to me why she hates me. Because I don't come running to her and kiss her a** and apologise, shows her that I don't care. And If I don't tonight, this relationship is over. She tells me that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life because I don't know how to treat my girlfriends right. Basically, she says I'm an Idiot, and a lot of other words that I can't repeat in this forum.

Maybe it's me, I probably don't show my feelings enough to her but the threats and ultimatums she gives me about our relationship is a real downer, and her moods are a real turn off. We just don't see eye to eye on a lot of relationship issues. She says that I'm not changing my ways and I told her you can't change people. Just accept me for who I am.

Anyway as I write this she still hates me, and this relationship is probably at an end (even though she threatens me with our relationship all the time, yet at the same time won't let it go). Whenever we get in a fight, I'm always the “bad guy” and seem to be the only one apologising. If she does say she is sorry, it is for the way that I am, and not for the things she does.

I feel like a doormat, but maybe I'm a dumb a**.

HELP!

[starbuck8]

A little insight here. It sounds to me that you are having trouble actually communicating your feelings honestly. I don't know what her trust issues are, but sometimes it's a "once bitten, twice shy" kind of thing.

I'm not saying that gives her the right to treat you like someone else that has hurt her, but is it possible that when you get into arguments, that you might say a few "buzz words" that remind her of her last boyfriend, and really set her off?

You can tell her a million times that you are not the other guy, and not to treat you like you are. But, if you are reminding her of certain things that hurt her before, that hurt surfaces, and then you DO become the other guy in her eyes.

You need to sit down when you are both calm, and ask her to tell you how things you may say affect the way she feels about it. Just telling her you aren't the other guy won't work. Just listen to her. She doesn't need you to FIX it, she just needs you to listen to what she has to say, how she's been hurt, and what you CAN do, so she doesn't feel like she goes back to the bad feelings of her last relationship, when she feels unheard, or disrespected.

I assume someone in her past has cheated on her, and it hurt her really bad. You need to reasure her that you would never do that. Then follow up with that promise, and don't give her reason to question it.

Been there, done that, and back!

[N0help4u]

Sounds like she is a drama queen and is the type that only sees her side of things.
Why should you always be the one to take all the blame and to give in and apologize.
It sounds to me like she is learning how to get control over you by using arguments against you. I have known a few girls like that and their bf's did end up being the doormat to the queens castle.
I think what might help is have her write a list of every relationship issue she has with you and then you make a list of the guys viewpoint and try to work on solutions and compromises.

[starbuck8]

I agree with you NH, but I really can see the other side too, although my experiences and trust issues went quite deep, and I don't know exactly what the OP's girlfriend is having her troubles with.

Some men, and sometimes honestly, but other times intentionally, say or do things that will bring you right back to the original hurt, and it hits you like a brick. Sometimes you lash out at the wrong person, but if you feel once again threatened, you pull out the big guns! ;)

[N0help4u]

Yeah there are two sides but I have known a lot of one sided young girls who seem to think that a relationship is all about them because they are the female. I suspect this is the case with her. He needs to figure her out and work things out by thinking more from her perspective and going from there to figure out how to deal with it.

One thing a girl DOES hate is how guys shut down in an argument. Girls want to talk everything out right then and there while guys want to remove themselves from the situation, calm down, think it through and then deal with it or ignore it and continue like nothing has happened.

[starbuck8]

Yeah there are two sides but I have known a lot of one sided young girls who seem to think that a relationship is all about them because they are the female. I suspect this is the case with her. He needs to figure her out and work things out by thinking more from her perspective and going from there to figure out how to deal with it.

One thing a girl DOES hate is how guys shut down in an argument. Girls want to talk everything out right then and there while guys want to remove themselves from the situation, calm down, think it through and then deal with it or ignore it and continue like nothing has happened.

Yep, I've seen a lot of females that will do that to guys.

The second paragraph couldn't be more true!

[talaniman]

You don't sound very compatible, and maybe getting away from each other will let the emotional dust settle. Maybe your both holding on to something that may not work.