[freeatlast1]

So, my ex came by and picked up her stuff today. You can read my story by looking at my old posts. She apologized for going through my stuff. She still thinks I "cheated" on her by posting an online dating profile after she dumped me and drove off for the umpteenth time. Said we would still be together if I hadn't (?). I told her that her insecurities ruined us, she said that I was dishonest with her and that destroyed us. She is getting her PhD this summer and told me she accepted a post-doc in Oxford and moving to England in Sept. I helped her load her stuff in the car and she hugged me and held me tight and looked in my eyes with tears in her eyes and said that I was a "great guy." I felt so awful at that moment, like I was ready to forgive and forget everything bad in the relationship and start fresh. She gave me a kiss on the mouth and got in the car and drove off.

The whole incident got me feeling a bit nostalgic today, so my question is: Is there something about seeing the ex again that makes you feel that they are so great and amazing even though they are not? What is it about seeing someone before they are out of your life forever that makes you only remember the good and not the bad? Why does your mind play tricks on you like that?

Any remarks or comments will do. Just want to move past today and get on with other things in my life quickly.

[ylaira]

She's going to england to be a Doctor so why don't consider doing the same? Reviveur old field interest, get into sports (who knows u'll be an olympian, boxing maybe?), join clubs/ groups, put up a project, stay sorrounded by people with good influence, read ask me, sail in the ocean/ cruise, anything that can take ur mi nd off from her. Sh'es heading into a bright future and so must you!

[ylaira]

"Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, it is the Realization
of how much you already have."

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we
Look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has
Been opened for us.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's
Also true that! We don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

[talaniman]

That's so human, to feel old feelings that made us feel oh so good. Time for new and better memories.

[liz28]

Our minds work in a way that we forget the bad at the time. For example, when you saw the things that went wrong in the relationship went out the window, while you remembered all the good times you had. Its normal for all those feelings to come back, but at least her things are gone and closure has begun.

[JBeaucaire]

Smart girls are pretty dumb sometimes, huh?

Well, either she's right and you're an idiot, or you're right and she's an idiot. Only you know for sure the case, only you know for sure why you posted online profiles, only you know for sure how much her "insecurities" contributed to it falling apart and how much you instigated.

Only you know. Only an idiot would ignore the mistakes of the past as they move forward. So, you're definitely moving forward. Regardless of what you tell us here, ONLY YOU KNOW who's really at fault.

Whatever part you played, don't be an idiot and ignore what you did, don't play dumb with yourself or you'll stupidly carry that craziness into your next relationship.

You're not idiot, I know, right? So, she's gone, life is coming. Remember what happened ACCURATELY and have a better next chapter.

[simoneaugie]

She is your friend. Your heart knows that. Trust it to find new friends.

[freeatlast1]

Well, either she's right and you're an idiot, or you're right and she's an idiot. Only you know for sure the case, only you know for sure why you posted online profiles, only you know for sure how much her "insecurities" contributed to it falling apart and how much you instigated.

JBeaucaire,

If you read my earlier posts, I only set up an online profile after she dumped me for the nth time, packed two bags and drove off. I was tired of getting dumped. She saw that I put up a profile because she hacked my email passwords. She also read through all my journals and flipped out when she found a paragraph that said "She's not that hot and she knows it." She was obsessed with my other ex, constantly checking her myspace profile even though I hadn't had any contact with her for years. I was constantly being grilled about anything and everything I did, and I never strayed or cheated on this girl while we were together.

I'm not perfect, but nobody is. I'm sure I could've done things better and differently, but so can everyone else and their relationship still works.

Maybe I could've done more to reassure her, but should my whole life revolve around reassuring her fears? No one has the answers. Besides, moving to Oxford with her would've been too risky with such a shaky relationship.

[madaman]

While I don't know the whole story, it sounds like she is possibly trying to shift the blame to you, even though she is the one who left. It probably helps her sleep better at night to 'believe' that you were the reason this all happened.

With the e-stalking and password hacking, something bad was probably bound to happen either way.

[freeatlast1]

Thanks madaman. Your response makes me feel a lot better. I think it's true that she pushed a lot of the blame on me to make her feel better about what she was doing. It's all a big guilt trip.

[chuff]

It's all a big guilt trip.

You said it. This is her way of shifting blame away from her, and from her perspective it's her last chance to "get back" at you, so she is doing what females do best, she's applying her knowledge and skill of emotions to leave you with the one last blow. I think in a weird way you should be somewhat happy to know she still has to play these games because it shows she's the one who isn't moving on otherwise she would just drop off the stuff and say good bye and move on. Instead she has to go out with one last emotional punch to prove to herself that she went out on top.