[itsnotme5678]

Well, in short we've been together for a year and 9 months (it'd be 10 months on Friday). This guy is my first boyfriend. But we've had problems.

Basically, I lied about my past because I knew how he'd react. I came clean and he reacted just like I expected and worse. He started name calling me, being cold and mean, and of course, there's also the broken trust issue. He became quite judgemental and I lied some more to protect myself and the relationship which only made things worse. But most of the time he was loving.

However, I lost a lot of friends. I started to get so frustrated each time he'd start an argument that I'd cry and even self harm. He started telling me I wasn't a kid anymore and to grow up. But most of the time he made me feel like a princess and promised me a bright, loving, happy future.

He's broken up with me before but always comes back. But now he told me we should have a break to think if this relationship's right. I promised to stop crying when we argued, because I just couldn't control it, and I haven't made it yet. Plus the other night he went out with his buddies and I had no idea, and when I called him and founf out, I was upset. He said I was becoming a controlling annoying woman, way too jealous and insecure to handle. Well, I'm all lonely, he isn't, how am I supposed to feel?

Now, we're on this break. I'm sure he'll break up with me. I feel it's all my fault. What do I do? How do I cope? Help. At least today I'll start therapy for my low self esteem.

[plonak]

Why is it bad if he goes out with his friends? That's not good if you don't let him see his friends.. and you wonder why he's dumping you?

You need to let him go figure his stuff out.. and move on with your life.. and hopefully you have learned that being truthful is a really important aspect of a relationship..

When you feel like it's your fault there isn't much you can do beyond apologizing.. you can't change the past what YOU CAN DO now is learn from this and not do this in your next relationship.. work on your problems.. that's what you can do..

How do you cope? It's hard, but everyday that goes by you're one step closer to recovering.. heartbreak is horrible, I can attest to it, currently going through it now... just try to make friends, and try not to let your past cripple you from moving forward.

[Rockstar714]

You cope by finding a hobby, or doing something you enjoy to get your mind off him. It doesn't sound like you guys were very happy together, the arguing, crying, self harm. You should NEVER have to do that in a healthy relationship. Granted every couple argues, that's human nature (people disagree, big deal) but a lot of it has to do with how you deal with it.

My first boyfriend was always asking me for money, going out with his friends, but he never wanted me around when he went out with his friends, and he never helped me pay for anything, or never paid me bck (when I paid his rent, cell phone, etc) and every time we'd fight he'd be like "baby, I love you, we'll be so happy one day..." blah blah blah.

I can see why he'd be upset if you lied to him about your past. Its best to get everything out in the open from the get go. Maybe you should start new with someone else, this guy sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do, too.

[LillyL]

I was going to suggest therapy. This relationship sounds toxic and you have all your life to find some one who will accept you for who you really are and not judge your past. We have all made mistakes in life, you should learn from this and realize that you need to be who you are and be honest with other people about yourself. You need some one to love you for you, not for the you are pretending to be. The best way to cope is to get out and do new things. Try focusing on what got you to this situation in the first place and what steps you can take to not have this happen again. I think working on bettering yourself and concentrating on how you can improve your own life and removing your focus from this situation will really help you. Try new things, start working out, take a class, find new hobbies, any thing to distract you from the situation and improve yourself esteem will help.

[Fr_Chuck]

Well first anytime one could even consider self harm because of another person, there is not a healthy relationship and you need to be good with who you are before you get into any new relationship.

You did not say, from what I could tell about, but also if this was something before you meet, then his getting mad is his issue since the past is and should be the past.

[talaniman]

Now, we're on this break. I'm sure he'll break up with me.

After reading your other posts, I think celebrating your freedom would be in order. The faster he leaves, the better, and healthier your life will be.

[itsnotme5678]

Why is it bad if he goes out with his friends? That's not good if you don't let him see his friends.. and you wonder why he's dumping you??

You need to let him go figure his stuff out.. and move on with your life.. and hopefully you have learned that being truthful is a really important aspect of a relationship..

When you feel like it's your fault there isn't much you can do beyond apologizing.. you can't change the past what YOU CAN DO now is learn from this and not do this in your next relationship.. work on your problems.. that's what you can do..

How do you cope?? It's hard, but everyday that goes by you're one step closer to recovering.. heartbreak is horrible, i can attest to it, currently going through it now.... just try to make friends, and try not to let your past cripple you from moving forward.

The reason why it isn't really OK is because I have no friends. Why? Because he used to get so upset when I even went for coffee with my friends, that I really preferred to avoid the drama. See, when I was single, me and my friends went out a couple times, got kind of drunk and hooked up with some guys we met there. This, to my boyfriend, means I could cheat if I go out with them again. Yet, he can go out with his friends and all, and I'm supposed to just trust him (even when he's said he wants to cheat on me to get revenge... although later he says that's the anger talking and wouldn't cheat on me).

[Rockstar714]

You need to run away from this guy. Its not OK for him to say "I'll cheat and get revenge" when you were SINGLE when this happened, so what's it to him? Don't let a guy dictate who you hang out with.

I had a boyfriend that said he could go out and I couldn't. He went out and met lots of girls, while I sat at home.

Get rid of this loser, get your friends back and get happier.

[talaniman]

Do you really need to please him at the expense of yourself? I hope not.