[sparkyu]

My wife of 10 years told me 2 months ago she wasn't happy then finally told me she had been having an affair for 5 months.
She's told me everything that happened what they did etc not explicit but enuf.
Turns out it was on fridays when she droped my daughter off at gym so was for 2 hrs max and not every week.
When we have spoke properly niether of us have really been getting on that good I've been working a lot and we haven't been spending any time together. Ive relised how much I love her and the relationship friendship wise is prob better than ever, but she says she doen't know if she loves me intimatly anymore. We are working on this but seems hard sometimes as its her who had the affair but I am now strugling due to her not really knowing what to do. She says its because she doesn't want to lead me on and it not be working but its hard.
She says she was falling in love with this other person and that's why she called it off eventually.
I think she does love me but is confused due to not having the same feeling that you get at the beginning of a relationship sex wise due to having these feeling with someone else.
I don't think now she has much feelings for this other person now.
I have been to a couciler and we are starting marriage guidance this week.
Any advise please.

[rsain2004]

Your councillor is best for the advice you need... My experience is failing to communicate starts most problems, and thinking with ones' hormones is never a smart choice. It seems obvious that the "other man" was simply using her, and never considered commitment. I lived and worked among the most promiscuous people on the planet... Greenland Inuit... for 6 years. They taught me that in time, sex passes. What remains is from the heart and the brain. So... what's in your hearts and brains?

[IM4U]

Yes, it is worth fighting for--as long as you both want to win each other back. You are headed in the right direction for healing as you seek help. It takes a while to get past the pain of an affair. The stages of crisis, healing, growth, and enrichment take time. Best wishes as you move through the process.

_____________

The information above is provided as the views and opinions of this writer and is not intended to express or imply a professional-client relationship with any reader. Anyone using this information assumes the risk for the results of doing so.

[confused1145]

Maybe the two of you can resolve this through counseling. If not, you may need to move on. She has to be willing to change first and devote herself to the marriage.

[0rphan]

You don't say how old your wife is, I was just wondering if she was at that difficult stage in a woman's life... the Menopause... sometimes at this stage women need to feel attractive and wanted, which could lead to an affair, unintentional but it does happen, if this is not the case, then I think you have to bare with it, give it time, be honest with each other and hopefully come through it.

You are doing all the right things already... counciller... etc

Goodluck

[sparkyu]

My wife is thirty and we have been together since being kids I think it was when she turned thirty she thought lifes passing by and needed some attention which I wasn't giving her though working to hard and we have 2 kids also.

[Tuscany]

If you still love her then it is worth fighting for. Seeing counseling is a great first step. Communication is key and a great way to build back the trust. It's a slow process- please don't get disheartened.

I give you a lot of credit for trying!

[sparkyu]

Thanks for the responses I will try and hopefully everything will turn out. First time at counseling today see how it goes.