[Lilija]

I want to end a 5 year long distance relationship, but I know it will be next to impossible.

He needs me more than anything, he became dependent on me. This year smth horrible happened: he tried to kill himself due to many reasons including feeling guilty that he cheated on me with his ex. He confessed and I made up my mind to break up with him and ignored him for several days after which it happened.

I know that if I end the relationship, I will be able to move on eventually( I have graduated this year, so new exciting opportunities open up to me). He is still at Uni and it is not going well, and I am the only person that helps him to get going and not drop everything and return home.


There is so much more to my story, but it is physically impossible to write everything in one go, so will try to do it bits by bits. I need your help, so please ask questions, answers to which will help you to understand which position I am in at the moment.

Thank you!

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Break up with him, and move on. He will hopefully realize its for the best. Alert his loved ones to keep an eye on him if you believe he will become suicidal again.

[J_9]

Wow, a ton of red flags here. You need to get out of this relationship. This is a co-dependent relationship rather than a dependent relationship. Why? Because you got back with him. Don't think you can change him, you can't. He needs professional help. You can't give him professional help.

Also, this is a long distance relationship. They very rarely work. And coupled with his psychiatric problems that doubles the chance that it won't work.

Time to move on and let him get the help he needs.

[JoeCanada76]

Honestly your not even in a relationship. Long distance for 5 years how is that even possible. How could he cheat on an ex with you when you were not really seeing him? That is confusing to me.

As far as trying to kill himself that is not your issue or problem. One way for him to make you feel sorry for him and cry out for attention but in no way should you continue this thing that you call a relationship just because your afraid of him doing something stupid.

It is very easy and very simple. Long distance relationship is not working and it is time to let go of whatever it is and he will have to learn how to move on.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I misread long distance as long term... DUH!

This "relationship" should be easy to discontinue, just stop answering his calls...

[JBeaucaire]

Call him and let him know. Don't put it off. Don't take responsibility for him onto your shoulders. You can't live in emotional bondage.

Change your email and your phone number if you have to. Don't look back.

[Lilija]

Thank you, guys.
Do you think I don't understand I need to end it? Of course I do, but it is not that easy as you think. He is my first boyfriend, and I was obsessed with him when we started to go out. Now it has changed. What is left from my side is juts me being attached to him, habit.

I haven't seen him for nearly 3 months now and I am not even looking forward to seeing him again. It is sad. But I am not looking forward to ending it either: I simply cannot imagine my daily life without him being a part of it! So please do not tell me it is easy to end, it is so not.

And regarding long-distance. Honestly when I am looking at our relationship from the other side, I can perfectly understand your reaction, guys ( addressing to Jesushelper mainly). But believe me, it seemed normal to me and it did work! It is just when I was a student, I had many opportunities to see him, be with him. Now, when I start working it is going to change. If he understands how serious I am with my intentions to break up, I think he can forget about all his pans and just move here to live with me, but this is not the thing I want anymore...

[JBeaucaire]

I didn't say it was easy, sorry if I implied that in any way. But grownups confront their situations honestly and immediately. Children hide and dodge. This is truth, we live in truth, we confront and deal. No more hiding. This is why you came here, to be encouraged to truth.

As an adult, you truly don't allow yourself the luxury of putting this off since it is LIFE that is being wasted. Until you tell him, it is HIS life being wasted, too, and that's a horrible crime.

No, it's not easy, it's the worst kind of hard. Now go do it, today.

[Lilija]

You are right, so right. I understand that I act selfishly not letting him know how I feel.

I have decided to confront him when I see him next for holidays, mid July. I think it won't be good idea to tell him on the phone. We have been together for a very long time and I owe him at least this much... And in addition he has exams at the moment.


I just hope I will have strength.

[Lilija]

p.s. JB, I didn't address my comment of this not being an easy thing to do to you directly.

As I am a new member, I still don't really know how to use the forum correctly! :)