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sweetlee102 · Jun 10, 2008, 10:53 AM

Ok here we go again! I unfortunately am a very insecure person and I also like to put together worst case scenarios in my head. I sound like a barrell of laughs don't I! Ha well you really wouldn't think I was that bad, I don't let on to how paranoid I really am, which is why I am posting this here instead of nagging my boyfriend, etc.

Anyway, my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. Things are going great and I am very happy. In past relationships I have been jealous, paranoid, etc about the guy cheating, etc. My thing is what if he does and I don't know. So needless to say this has come out again, I thought since I was almost 30 this insecurity would subside. But no, of course not, that would be too easy! My boyfriend and I met online, Yahoo personals. We have bothe taken down our sites , etc. My problem is that I worry that he is on Yahoo messenger all the time and I want to know who he is talking about and with whom. I don't tell him this, heck he doesn't even know I know he is always on, I mean we chat on there when I am on but he is on there when I am not, ha trust me I know. I know he talks to people he has chatting on there with for 7 years, he told me that, he also said he never had intentions of meeting them. Im not worried about that, I just worry about what if he is chatting to new people or something like that. I just don't want to get hurt.

I know this is silly. But how to I calm myself, I would rather not tell him how I feel about it I have been a little jealous of stuff lately and I dotn want to become a nagger.

Any advice besides grow up??

AlwaysWriting · Jun 10, 2008, 11:48 AM

I have the same problem with my boyfriend! LOL!! If I were you... I'd just be upfront and ask him... Try to make it sound like a joke. Like, "Wow, you sure are online a lot! Finding a new gf?" See his reaction, and try to laugh it off.

epiphany · Jun 10, 2008, 11:51 AM

You have to give him trust until he gives you a reason not to trust him. Without it your relationship is dead in the water.

If you keep driving yourself crazy with the what ifs, you will never enjoy what you have. Plus often that insecurity actually will lead you to sabotage your own relationship. You can't keep freaking out over things that don't have any validation to them.

Just because he talks to people does not mean he is cheating, even if he met you that way. I met my BF at a part time job I have.. if I thought every time he talked to someone at work he would end up dating them I would have made myself crazy by now.

You have to be more confident in yourself and in the relationship.

chuff · Jun 10, 2008, 11:56 AM

I can see you've worked yourself up into a frenzy over this. My advice would be to start talking to those thoughts of insecurity. When you start thinking, "is he talking on the personals" tell yourself, "I'm growing and going to give this one a chance. If he is talking to someone else then the end of this relationship will be his fault and not mine. If I continue to question his every move, the end of this relationship will be my fault."

freeatlast1 · Jun 10, 2008, 01:01 PM

Originally Posted by epiphany

You have to give him trust until he gives you a reason not to trust him. Without it your relationship is dead in the water.

Sweetlee,

Please read my post about how my ex's jealousy ruined our relationship. Do whatever you can to control your jealousies and insecurities or you will be going down the same path.

sweetlee102 · Jun 11, 2008, 06:50 AM

Originally Posted by freeatlast1

Sweetlee,

Please read my post about how my ex's jealousy ruined our relationship. Do whatever you can to control your jealousies and insecurities or you will be going down the same path.

Thank you ifreeatlast1, I read your post and it made me see things a little more clearly and see that what I am doing is definitely not a good thing as well as how it could drive him away. Thank you for the advice. I hope everything is working out for you!

sweetlee102 · Jun 11, 2008, 06:52 AM

Thank you everyone for your advice, I realize it is all great advice and I needed to hear it from other people. I am definitely going to work on this. I do not want to become the crazy girlfriend!!

talaniman · Jun 12, 2008, 09:48 AM

There is no shame in getting help with a personal problem, you can't lick on your own.