[lostdaily]

I found this website a couple of days ago and have been reading the posts and you guys have a lot of great information. I figured I would ask for some advice since I kind of stuff between a rock and a hard place. I have been reading there posts and you guys say to have no contact. That would great and all except for we have a 3 year old little boy, a house, 2 cars, and some loans (all of which are in both of our names) which makes the no contact thing impossible. We had been together 7 years. I pick up my little boy from daycare a couple of times per week and pick him up from what was our house when he is not there so I get to see him on a daily basis as if we all still together. We had always agreed that we don't want him to go through what we went through with basically worthless parents. My dad was never around and my mom was always at work and her dad is an alcoholic and her mom was really never around either. So last year in Oct she wanted to have some space so she moved out and into her Mom's house. After about a week she came back we worked things out and I started working on changing myself for her because I have really done things wrong in the past. I have always been there for her but she kept telling me she needed more but I just didn't realize where she was coming from. The problem was I always had a bad attitude and I never helped her around the house doing stuff like cleaning or helping do things like planting flowers. I used to get mad because we could never spend time together but at the time I didn't take the initiative to make it where me and here could spend time together like making plans to get a babysitter so we could go out I always left that up to her. I didn't trully understand the actual problem until March of this year. So Nov. came and we went on vacation and had a great time and a good month. Dec came she broke up with me again but we stayed living in the house together to make it through the holidays for our family. After Christmas she decided she wanted to work it out so we did because I am willing to do whatever it takes for my son not to have to deal with step parents and I really want to make things work with her because I love her and that has never been a problem. So Jan comes around and so did my b-day. This year's b-day was the best I have ever had in my whole life. So the week after my b-day she said it was over and that 1 of us would need to leave so I said I would and once I got so money saved up I would leave. So Valentine's Day came around and I sent her flowers and she said she didn't want me to leave but it was for the best. So I left and moved in with 1 of my buddies. The first couple of weeks wasn't so bad because I trully thought she was just a b1tch and just always wanted to ride my a$$ about something and that was what the problem was because I had started helping around the house and really putting in part of the household work. I thought this was what she wanted because all she would really ever tell me was that was the problem and that I needed to start acting like a man. So that is what I did and I still had to move out so I was mad about it.

So one night I talked to her Nanny gave me some insight into the situation and that is where I finally saw that I was truly a big part of my own problem. Yes the communication was not really there but I always had a bad attitude about everything she wanted to do. Like helping her with her flowers. No I don't like it but I could've helped if I trully wanted to spend time with her and then maybe she would've came around. That is just one example but there are many more. I really put everything on her and that was the biggest issue.

In Mar she started talking to what I considered to be my best friend and then they ended up hanging out some and ended up having sex a few times. She has known him as long as I have known him if not longer and he is the first person she ever did anything with. We are talking over 10 years ago. She says she always had a crush on him and has always wanted to know what it would be like to have a relationship with him. So she saw his true colors and realized all he wanted was a friend with benefits and she has moved on from that.

The end of Apr. we started hanging out again and I started staying the night over there and everything really started to work itself out. Everybody in her family thought we were getting back together and I think she was too. While I stayed there she said that she was confused about what she wanted and that she is kind of scared to get back into a relationship with me because she doesn't want to live her life like she has the last couple of years; which I don't blame her. We had came to an agreement that we would hang out as friends and if she decided anything she would let me know and I would do the same. So a month went by and everything was great we were really getting along great and she really seemed happy probably happier than I had seen her in a long time.

So she decided she wanted to go out of town and relax and get her Nanny to go along. She wanted me to go but I could not afford to go and she could not afford to pay for me to go. We are supposed to go to FLA in July so I didn't want to blow all of my money for a short trip when we are supposed to be going on a long trip in just a couple of months. So the week before she went on the getaway trip I got kind of clingy because I knew I was going to really miss her. So the 2 days before she went she started acting shady again but she said she wanted everything to work. She went on the trip and she acted cool like everything was OK like it had been the whole passed month. She got there and she started acting shady again. She wouldn't hardly talk to me and would only ask about our son and then kind of end the conversation. So she came back and I tried to hug her and she just gave me the cold shoulder but she gave me a hug. So I asked her is it over it seems like you have made your decision. She said yes. So I left and went back to our house and went to sleep. The next night I went over there to get my stuff and I started asking questions about all of it and she got really mad and we ended up fighting. She left and went and got something to eat and then came back and then I opened up and told her how I felt and asked her if she was still confused about me and what to do. She said yes and I left it at that and got my stuff and left.

So I sat and read these forums this past Thurs. and read these forums and someone said something that made me think. They said the clingy guys are the ones who get left like this because a woman wants someone who is confident and that the man know he doesn't need them. So yesterday on the way to work I was thinking about all of this and it hit me the only thing that was different for the last month before she went to vacation was that the week before I was clingy. So I sent her a text message and asked her if the problem was because I was so clingy she said that was most of it. I sent her a text back that said if we talk about it we could work it if she would talk to me and tell me what she wants from me and I asked if we could talk about it. She said maybe later.

So last night she called to check on my little boy and I asked her if she wanted to hang out she said well I got to go somewhere (I know where it was work related.) and then I am going to clean the house. I said well do you want me to help she said I don't care. I asked her twice more and she said Yes I do want you to help. So I went over there and she talked normal and stuff. We basically hung out with no problems and it kind of seemed like it had before she went on her trip. She has hung up a picture on the wall of me and her during that past month when we were hanging out since she said it was over. The reason I think this is relevant is because when I first moved out she took down every picture of us so why would she now want to hang more back up if it is over. I think actions speak louder than words. Her actions are more like she wants to get back together but since she got back her words say it is over.

I have started trying to hang out some with my friends and get out of the house and tried cutting back on the contact. I really feel like I need to do everything to keep my family together and that she is deep down wanting to work this out and just scared and confused whether we can work this out and she can be happy. I'm really confused to about her. I know what I want in life. I just can't decipher what she is thinking because of the mixed signals. I just wondered what you guys would recommend in this situation. I know it is long but I felt like you need the whole story and not just what has happened lately. I think 7 years is a long time to just let everything go.

[JBeaucaire]

The answer is still the same. You need to develop a full and confident lifestyle that actually doesn't "dote on her" unnecessarily. There is a difference between BEING a man a woman wants to be with, and a man DOING things a woman likes. It's completely different.

• BEING a man is about who you are. Even when you make mistakes, your overall characted, full life, unshakable good-disposition...all of these things keep you attractive as package.
  
• DOING things she like is about who she is. This something you have to pay attention to, but it isn't the source of success. It's a byproduct.

Communication? Fine, be clearer talking about what you're doing. But be a man, too. Make some decisions about what you're doing in life and pursue those goals, let your family (like it or not) watch you accomplish these things unapologetically. Hobbies should be there, friends, the whole shebang.

So, to keep your family together, you have to start over with yourself. Make yourself/your life a "complete package." And don't offer it to the girl during this time, just do it. Let it do its attraction-thing.

See, it is still the same answer: Be a man with a life that is complete and make a place in it for your girl. Don't make a life out of the girl.

[lostdaily]

The answer is still the same. You need to develop a full and confident lifestyle that actually doesn't "dote on her" unnecessarily. There is a difference between BEING a man a woman wants to be with, and a man DOING things a woman likes. It's completely different.

• BEING a man is about who you are. Even when you make mistakes, your overall characted, full life, unshakable good-disposition...all of these things keep you attractive as package.
  
• DOING things she like is about who she is. This something you have to pay attention to, but it isn't the source of success. It's a byproduct.

Communication? Fine, be clearer talking about what you're doing. But be a man, too. Make some decisions about what you're doing in life and pursue those goals, let your family (like it or not) watch you accomplish these things unapologetically. Hobbies should be there, friends, the whole shebang.

So, to keep your family together, you have to start over with yourself. Go ahead and make yourself/your life a "complete package." And don't offer it to the girl during this time, just do it. Let it do its attraction-thing.

See, it is still the same answer: Be a man with a life that is complete and make a place in it for your girl. Don't make a life out of the girl.

I feel like I have accomplished most of everything I have wanted to in life in general. I let her down in a lot of ways and now I realize it. I have really woke up to reality in the past few months and have really changed my ways. My attitude is a big one and she has saw the change too. Should I just move on or should I kind of stay on the fence so to speak. Should I read much into the mixed signals. The main thing is my son I don't want him to have to go through the whole step parent thing and she has said in the past that she doesn't want him to have to go through that either. I have been trying to give some space to her and let her make the decisions on when she wants to hang out. Should I keep with that or just try the no contact with her to the point of the only conversations I have with is about my son. That is the thing that confuses me the most. Is there something salvageable or not. I can't get her to tell me other than that one time she said she wanted it to work out. BTW thanks for the quick answer!! You were one of the one's I was looking to hear from. Your answers for other people have been great.