Check out some similar questions!

jewels84 · Jun 3, 2008, 01:46 PM

Okay I am new here but I need some advice from outside the box. I am 24 years old and was married to a man that still has my heart and I can't get over him, not so complicated huh. We met on our way to Iraq when we got put in the same unit, it was as if we had known each other way before then, he was my best friend. We were on separate camps while overseas and saw each other seven times the whole deployment. We returned and six months after getting back we got married, it was tough getting to know each other all over again but we loved each other and it did not matter. Times were very tough but we never judged each other for things done while gone.

I am a motivated person in my life and will say that I did better for the adjustment getting back into the groove of a normal life, him not so great. I had a job with the military waiting for after the deployment so we were financially covered. I put him through CDL school and that didn't work out, he couldn't keep a job and went through 9 of them within the first year. My job was temporary and when my orders ended I couldn't support us both. That caused major problems neither one of us ever cheated we just drifted apart, I couldn't deal with his carelesness and he couldn't deal with my pushing. For the lack of better judgement there was a lot of resentment on my part I realize that know.

He ended up moving on within a month of us splitting up and that was fine with me, he was ready I wasn't, I needed time to heal my loss. I finally decided to give dating a chance and had my rebound as they call it, didn't last long. All the time he was still calling me and telling me that he had changed and that he still loved me but I still had too much resentment towards him. I am not going to lie I had hoped that one day our paths would cross again. He ended up getting his girl pregnant and marrying her and I was okay with that to. I ended up beginning a serious relationship with the man that I am with now and carrying his child. The thing is I love the man in my life, but it is no where near what I feel towards my ex-husband. When my ex found out that I was pregnant he called and congradulated me, and I wanted some closure so I asked him what went wrong, and he admitted that he had f***ed up and that I was the only one he loved and that he would leave his family for another chance. I am not the homewrecker type and I told him that we made our bed and we have to lie in it.

The man that I am with is a good man and for the most part good to me. We have our problems like everyone else. I don't know but about a month before I found out I was pregnant, its like we changed, we became friends instead of a couple, he stays out late with his friends and even though my mind wander I am not one to assume anything. I love him but I am not in love with him and the same for him. He is staying around for our child and I told him that he didn't have to feel confided if he didn't want to stay, he would be able to see his child anytime he wanted to and I won't ask for child support because I am very financially stable with my current job of two years, good insurance and benefits. We have been engaged for a while but both of us know we will never get married. I know it sound really jacked up and it is.

So as you can see I have no idea how it got all messed up like this, I don't regret having this child that I will be bringing into the world, it is my blood and will be loved until I draw my last breath. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest and am probably the only one that has messed things up to this extent. I do appreciate you taking the time to read my book...

liz28 · Jun 3, 2008, 02:07 PM

It seems like your ex was lazy and realize what he had too late especially with a wife and child and now your engage with a child on the way but not in love with your finance', I agree if you don't love him then don't marry him.

As far as your ex you should not compare him to your current finance'. Maybe not talking to him will help clear your mind because he messed up not you because he got comfortable leaning on and when things get rough instead of him standing up he bailed and meet someone else. That alone proved that when you could no longer support him he did not followed his vows for better or worst good and bad.

Be happy you are wher your at in life and leave him in the past maybe then you could love your fiance', you keep to heal from your ex.

simoneaugie · Jun 3, 2008, 02:27 PM

No Contact with either man would be helpful. You sound very level-headed. Healing from the two relationships is what you owe yourself, and your child.

liz28 · Jun 3, 2008, 03:25 PM

It sounds like you and the baby father overall get along well and you never know what can happen between your two . You stated that before you got pregnant he started to changed, what exactly changed?

jewels84 · Jun 4, 2008, 06:13 AM

Originally Posted by liz28

It sounds like you and the baby father overall get along well and you never know what can happen between your two . You stated that before you got pregnant he started to changed, what exactly changed?

Well, I mean like not being home very much or getting home in the evening. I don't mean as in being with somebody else. Over at his moms and his brothers or his friends. Just not wanting to be at home. We stopped communicating the way we were it seriously started like we were just roommates. We do get along it's just it seems the intimacy disappereard or it could just be me and I am noticing it more because I am pregnant. I am normally not real emotional or touch feely but I feel that it is needed now lol. Ah it's so crazy. Thank you for trying to help me out.

jewels84 · Jun 4, 2008, 06:32 AM

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

No Contact with either man would be helpful. You sound very level-headed. Healing from the two relationships is what you owe yourself, and your child.

I wish it was that easy, the father of my child lives with me we have been together going on two years. It would be nice to have some time to clear my head. Your right though it is the what I owe my child and self. Thank you for your input.

Romefalls19 · Jun 4, 2008, 07:15 AM

I agree with simon, you need to have some alone time... You can't sort things out if you're still very much in the situation

upset17 · Jun 4, 2008, 08:53 AM

You might be idealising your ex simply because your relationship with your current partner isn't what you want as it stands. You need to communicate more with your current partner, if only simply for the benefit of your child... if you feel unhappy with the current state f things, then say it, it doesn't need to be a confrontation, it may be a real breath of fresh air to the relationship. Plus, take some time out to really, properly clear YOUR head, and think about YOURSELF for a bit. This isn't as simple as "ex vs boyfriend", there are more options for you, a whole host of different and exciting solutions, and you have to do what will be the best for you and your child in the long run. X