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Chameleon24 · May 24, 2008, 01:46 PM

OK, so I have this friend. She's my best friend, we're both 21 now and we've been friends since early grade school. There is a situation going on now and as ridiculous as it kind of sounds, I'd appreciate some serious feedback.

There was this guy she had a small crush on. She met him through one of our other friends. They met at random times and would talk sometimes and last summer he finally asked her out. They dated for a month. Only a month. He broke up with her (in a text if I remember correctly) and it was horrible for her. I felt bad, he was her first boyfriend and I know these things suck, but we all have to pick ourselves up and move on. In the begnning everyone told her the obvious things "move on" or "he was a jerk" or "just give it time" etc.

Problem: it's been a good 7-8 months since their break-up, and she's still not over him. I know this because she has said so. She believes whole-heartedly that he is her one true love. She is a romantic and based on how she has reacted to guys in the past (crushes), this doesn't surprise me too much. She just gets really emotional over stuff like this. I'm not trying to put down her beliefs and I'm not trying to call her crazy, but I wish she could just be passed this. I feel like she's blinded by something, some sort of infatuation, and that she has to just snap out of it. If this is her reaction to a month long relationship (if you could even call it that) how will future relationships go?

The thing is, she's always contacting him... phone, email, Facebook. He basically ignores her. She wants to be friends with him again, but I think that's out of the question because of her feelings toward him. I don't talk to him, but found out from a friend that he feels nothing toward her and thinks she's absolutely crazy.
Starting in a couple weeks he's going to be giving her music lessons. I think it was stupid of him to agree to this. Yes, he will be getting paid for this and that is most likely his only reason for doing this. Me and our other friends think that this is a HORRIBLE idea and know that it will most likely lead to just more bad things.

Sorry that this is long. I know the situation seems kind of weird, but something is just wrong here. Part of me just wants to sit her down and just tell her the cold truth. No dancing around anything. She needs to just get him out of her life. No more random emails to him or calls. I know she's knows it already, but maybe just to say it out loud will snap her out of it. I don't want to hurt her, but I think her going on like this is bad and our friends are getting annoyed by the whole thing. She's making it seem like this is the most horrible thing that could ever happen and nothing else can seem to bring her happiness. To us, on the outside, it all looks to small and, I'd hate to say it, but stupid. If she reacts this way to a dude dumping her after a month, what is she going to do when she's faced with a real challenge?
How in the world do I handle this?

Wondergirl · May 24, 2008, 02:03 PM

If he thinks she is crazy--and by the way, she has basically been stalking him--why on earth did he agree to give her music lessons, money or not?? If these two people are so clueless, I would let them work out their "relationship" problem on their own. Maybe he likes her more than he is letting on? I say butt out.

Fr_Chuck · May 24, 2008, 02:24 PM

You be there when her world falls apart and she figures it out. Or in 15 years she is still thinking he will come back, I know a man who after 20 years still thinks there is a chance, he went no where with his life

talaniman · May 24, 2008, 03:17 PM

Sorry guy but if the truth doesn't sink in, she will have to learn the hard way, with misery and pain. Be there with a crying towel, and a band aid, is all you can do.

Chameleon24 · May 24, 2008, 04:22 PM

I understand what you guys are saying. I can only say things, but she's the one who has to realize what it is she has to do and just do it.

jrsg · May 24, 2008, 05:24 PM

Put yourself in this guys shoes...
If you had an ex who continued to try to contact you for 8 months after a one month relationship, whatwould you think? You would think this ex is crazy.

You need to get your friend a date, and show her this guy isn't the greatest guy ever. She just needs to realize the "plenty of fish in the sea" mentality.