[billma]

I became involved with a co-worker shortly before I was divorced. She just wanted sex at first but treated me like a FWB; a lot of feelings came out and I quickly became deeply in love with this person.

As time went on, I started to realize her "partygirl" attitude and her lack of fidelity with our "relationship" became apparent. Despite this, and after several confrontations, I kept getting mixed feelings from her stating "she had alot of emotional feelings but wasnt ready to go there etc etc"... So we rekindled our relationship and went away on vacation and had a great time. Almost a week after we came back, it was the same old thing with lack of emotion/committment and just casual.

As far as narcissm comes in. I think about how she acts with a "superego" complex, talks over people and really is only interested in herself and how hard her life is so she has an "excuse" to go nuts a couple days a week.

She actually "committed" that she wouldn't have sex with other people but, based on past experience/her actions and attitude of self-fulfilment, I have a rough time believing this to be true.

The worst part is I have met so many other good women and realize how jaded this girl is... so independent and egotistical and seemingly envious of males and how they have it easier to succeed in the world. I have had so many good times with her and love being with her (probably the fun/party-girl aspect of it) but she tells me if I try to push the relationship the more she is going to back away. I have spent tons of money and been there emotionally/physically and monetarily for her... I feel stupid and used sometimes because I'm not the kind of person who likes abuse---but I don't feel I can be with someone who is emotionally self-contained and on the verge of narcism.

Any advice or pointers would be appreciated.
Bill from ma

[JBeaucaire]

Your mind is struggling to be heard. Your heart is trying to stifle the mind's screams. Listen to your very intelligent and wise mind.

Your analysis is accurate. You can't be with someone like this. Not just her, ANYONE like this, right? Don't make it specific to her.

Your life is meant for great joy and mutual love. It's waiting... just... over... there. (points far away from crazy girl)

[talaniman]

but I don't feel I can be with someone who is emotionally self-contained and on the verge of narcism.

Do what your brain is telling you, and move beyond her, to something more than she is giving you. What's the problem here?