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you_know · Apr 22, 2008, 10:41 AM

:eek:
Surprise, I just found out something that I wish I never found out. My soon to be boyfreind was adopted. He was taken away when he was a small child in elementary school, he was abused. Today my best friend told me about it. I want to be there for him. How should I start?

COOKIE MONSTER · Apr 22, 2008, 12:15 PM

If he didn't tell you,which he didn't,then don't say anything until he does,don't bring up anything to do with it at all,its not your place to do so until he tells you about it.
He might not want you to know yet,and your not even going out with him at the moment.if and when he tells you then you can say you already new but don't go asking a million questions,if he tells you the details of why,when and were then you can ask what questions you have.but if he just says he was adopted and leaves it at that don't ask anything about it.really it has nothing to do with you unless he tells you.just be his girlfriend and be nice to him

Good luck

JBeaucaire · Apr 24, 2008, 03:00 PM

This information changes your relationship with him exactly ZERO. You change nothing. You do not act differently. You do no pity him nor try to comfort him unless you want an argument.

This is a non-issue. I agree, you need to NOT have learned this. Tell your friend who gave you this information to keep future tidbits to themselves.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 24, 2008, 05:42 PM

First you assume there is something to be there for. If he has no issue with this and has gotten over it,

Next you for some reason just assume it is true, while it may be, your friend could also be wrong

talaniman · Apr 24, 2008, 05:46 PM

Today my best friend told me about it.

Where could she get info that you can't get?

smearcase · Apr 24, 2008, 08:58 PM

A "soon to be boyfriend"? What are you doing, getting a background check on him before he becomes a real boyfriend?

If you really are that disturbed by what you have heard so far, maybe he should be
"a not to be boyfriend"

You may be in the process of opening old wounds that have already healed. And probably making a mountain out of a mole hill.

I'm sorry but I find this question to be bizarre. I think just based on your reaction to this news about him, your best option is to move on to another"boyfriend to be", and just forget about what you heard about the one that you cosider damaged goods. And don't do him any favors by clueing in his next "girlfriend to be".

you_know · Apr 25, 2008, 10:45 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Where could she get info that you can't get?

...

Well its like this. I am a junior and me and my-soon-to-be boyfreind have been friends since at least 5th grade. I wasn't her during our elementary school years, and my friend kat new him then. She said his last name used to be myers and that for a couple of months he didn't come back to school. Then he came back and his last name was Preston. I have known him a long time and I know when things upset him. This I don't think is a huge issue anymore I just wanted to make sure that what I heard was the truth. He knows I care about him and I want to be with him, so I guess we are just going to let this be a part of who we are as a couple.:D

Tuscany · Apr 25, 2008, 10:48 AM

That is his past, if he wishes to share it with you then you can discuss it with him. But, he might not feel comfortable sharing that yet, since you are not even dating yet. Just be a good friend, that is the best way to show that you care.

talaniman · Apr 25, 2008, 11:11 AM

You sound as you want to do the right thing, and maybe talking to him, and not well meaning friends, is the best way to go, as long as you let him know his past makes no difference to you. I am assuming though, he has dealt with this since everyone knows about his past already. Stand by your friend, have fun, and good luck.

talaniman · Apr 25, 2008, 11:15 AM

Thanks for your information, which is worth nothing to me ;)

Not knowing you, and with little info, please understand that sometimes its hard to fill in the blanks, so be patient, as you have to admit, any one can misread what you first wrote.

you_know · Apr 25, 2008, 11:17 AM

Okay your are right. Sometimes I just lose my anger and go off I have a real problem with that!

talaniman · Apr 25, 2008, 11:24 AM

Originally Posted by you_know

Okay your are right. Sometimes I just lose my anger and go off I have a real problem with that!

I know, I've seen your temper in other threads.

JBeaucaire · Apr 25, 2008, 11:37 AM

You_know, don't waste time getting upset at smearcase's answer, they posted the answer in an effort to be helpful. You MUST keep that in mind when reading the answers given.

When you don't like an answer, consider being more gracious in your response when you tell us you disagree, or don't bother responding to that one at all. Painting them as some loser is just rude, and it goes against what you're trying to accomplish coming here in the first place: helpful discussion. Right?

Now, occasionally someone does answer with some actual venom-spitting inappropriateness, in which case reporting the post can possibly get it removed. (SEE THE LITTLE LINK IN THE UPPER RIGHT CORNER OF EVERY POST).

Anyway, as I said before, you need to treat this information as if it didn't exist until such time as he brings it up or you discover it isn't true at all, in which case you smartly didn't respond to false info.

smearcase · Apr 25, 2008, 03:08 PM

Please accept my apology for my earlier comments. I won't offer any excuses but I was wrong in the way I approached you question.

Sincere best wishes to you.

friend4u178 · Apr 27, 2008, 11:38 PM

Originally Posted by smearcase

Please accept my apology for my earlier comments. I won't offer any excuses but I was wrong in the way I approached you question.

Sincere best wishes to you.

A very noble thing to apologise , but I don't think you did anything wrong smearcase. You merely gave your opinion which is what we all do. The OP has also admitted she went off the handle too quick.

you_know · Apr 28, 2008, 10:36 AM

Originally Posted by smearcase

Please accept my apology for my earlier comments. I won't offer any excuses but I was wrong in the way I approached you question.

Sincere best wishes to you.

Well I accept it. I need to apologize to. I am sorry for snapping. I guess it was just a bad day.

you_know · Apr 28, 2008, 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

You_know, don't waste time getting upset at smearcase's answer, they posted the answer in an effort to be helpful. You MUST keep that in mind when reading the answers given.

When you don't like an answer, consider being more gracious in your response when you tell us you disagree, or don't bother responding to that one at all. Painting them as some loser is just rude, and it goes against what you're trying to accomplish coming here in the first place: helpful discussion. Right?

Now, occasionally someone does answer with some actual venom-spitting inappropriateness, in which case reporting the post can possibly get it removed. (SEE THE LITTLE LINK IN THE UPPER RIGHT CORNER OF EVERY POST).

Anyway, as I said before, you need to treat this information as if it didn't exist until such time as he brings it up or you discover it isn't true at all, in which case you smartly didn't respond to false info.

You are right. Thanks for your information.