[Sunflower1428]

Good Afternoon to All,

I have not posted here at all, but read a lot of the mails, questions & answers going around. I have been amazed at how similar a lot of problems were & worried at how it looks as if these kind of things never seem to change with the times.

Because I am a independable woman, I sometimes got upset with some of the questionniares. Thoughts like: "Oh, come on, just get over it. You sound like a reasonable smart, intelligent & beautiful person" & "No Contact? For goodness sake! How difficult can it be?" often ran through my head.

Now for the reason for the comment:
I was in a very "stable", loving long-term relationship. Due to (what shall I call it?) faults from both sides, the relationship ended. Of course I am struggling with all the "normal" stuff & also feel that no-one's heart has ever been as broken as mine. Thus...

CONGRATULATIONS to everyone that stuck/is sticking it out! I now find that the most difficult part is the No Contact part. Not phoning to find out if he also feels as broken as I do. Trying not to let him know, that although I know that we do not belong together right now, I still love him (of course with the flickering of hope that he immedialtely will run back to me). Especially the part about being all broken up.

But what am I talking about? You all know this!

So again. Congratulations, you rock! I know that I will soon be one of the rockers too.

Keep Strong,
S

[Marriedguy]

No contact rule is a general rule and it can't be applied to ever situation. All break ups are different.

If someone broke up because I difference of option perhaps talking with reconnect this two people.

During my separation there were times when all I had to do go to where my wife stayed and tell her that I loved her, and to cut the crap, pack up and come on home. She told me that would have worked because after accepted that break-up was real she realized that it was the biggest mistake we could have made. However, it took her several months to get enough courage to call and say that she was sorry and wanted another chance. My attitude when she did call was about time.

The same was truth for me all she had to do was come back home and say I love you and I want to work it out and I would welcome her with open arms.

If a person has cheated on someone I will suggest no contact. The emotion involved in someone that has been cheating on is different. The victim has been betrayed, lied, hurt, feelings of insecurities resurface, and there is just some much going on. No contact gives the victim time to heal and center his self/ her self.

Honestly, someone just cheated on you the trust is out the window. Proclaiming that you are sorry and love the person is only going to yield "if you loved me why did you cheat?" Type of question emotions will fly and situation is worse then it was.

Required song listening:

Mary J Blige “I'm going down”

Al Green “I isn't no sunshine”

Beyonce “Irreplaceable”