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dba008 · Mar 31, 2008, 03:16 PM

I just started college and my g/f is a jr. in hs. We had been together for a long time and had split up for a few months and had been talking about getting back together. We split up because I felt like she was lying about her work schedule, she always seemed to be working and never had an explanation for why she had no money. However now that we've started talking again she has admitted has a kid and just didn't know how to tell me. Her kid is living at a relatives for now since she is in school. The main reason she didn't want to talk about it was because she had been raped a few years ago(which she had told me about) and that they didn't find out she was pregnant until it was late in the pregnancy and she thought once she told me I would leave her. That would explain why she worked so much and besides that it was perfect.

We really haven't discussed this any further, as I just found the other day. My problem is that I was getting ready to transfer to a vet. School which is about a 5 hour drive from our current town. I had always hoped that she would be able to start schooling up there and would be ready to graduate about the same time I am and that we would be able to start our lives then.

Now that is pretty much impossible. I don't want to leave her, but I don't think at this point being so far from finishing college that I can commit to a relationship involving a kid. And most importantly I don't want to make it seem like I am making her chose between me and a kid she didn't ask for considering the kid is 3 now.

Is there any good way to approach this situation?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 31, 2008, 06:55 PM

So does the idea of the child bother you, or just the idea that your perfect plan will not ?

What about after HS, she and child move up to be with you ?
Or have you discussed, often after the child is with family for a number of years, the mom lets the child stay there?

So you need to talk, communicate and not prove her right about men dropping her because of a child

talaniman · Mar 31, 2008, 10:03 PM

What difference does her having a child make? I don't get it. Just make a few adjustments to include the child in your plans. What's the big deal? Are children a dealbreaker? If they are you need to leave.

Smoked · Mar 31, 2008, 10:20 PM

Hmm you're a freshman in college and your girl is a Jr. in high school? She is like 16 years old? You are like 18-19? She has a kid who is three? Had him when she was like 13ish? Seems like this story is a good plot for a bad book.

So despite the fact you are committing statutory rape in most states. Your girlfriend is a mother at 16 and you don't want her to have to choose between you and her child? Well man, seems to me that you might want to choose between her and yourself. You want to be with someone you make it work despite any little hiccup. So decide, are you selfish and want it your way or the highway, or are you selfless and willing to do what ever it takes?

Best advice.. Get your education.

oneguyinohio · Mar 31, 2008, 10:32 PM

If you continue to date her, you don't have to jump into anything more than that. You don't know the kid, and you have no idea how that will affect the relationship. You have a lot of unknowns, and she may or may not be thinking about you for the long term... as in she might desire someone who already has a career and is more ready to settle down.

The best thing you can do is talk and see where she is coming from. What her ideas are, as in does she just want to remain friends while you finish school? Without marriage and all of that?

You'll have to find out all of that before you really have enough to go on. Otherwise, you'd be acting out of fears of the what if's that might never take place.

Best of luck.