[Brian24]

Currently I am in a relationship with a man and I am a man myself but that is not the problem. The problem is that this man that I would like to be with is in having problems. The problems are he is currently in a relationship with a women that is planning on leaving him because see knows about us and he is sometime in denial about him being with me. He is also under pressure from his family not to have any thing to do with me but he does. He also is not the trusting type when it comes to other men because he was raped by a man as a child. His Uncle. The uncle that raped him stills lives with him and his mother, Grand ma and the women that I was talking about earlier all know this and live with him. It was never reported to the police either. On my part we do fight a lot but he has told me that he loves me and that I am one of the fewest men that he has ever came close to. So I feel that I have a little piece of his heart. Lately I have really hurt him and said something I should not of said but he hasn't forgiven me yet but I think the things were said because of this women leaving him. I think he is confuse because people tell me all the time that he is. I really would like to know what should I do??

[youcantstop48]

Personally I would leave him alone till he settles his problems and see if he actually leaves the girl or she leaves him...

[talaniman]

This guy has to deal with his own issues, before he can deal with you, so leave him alone, or be dragged into his chaos.

[TrueFaith]

Let him deal with his stuff. Don't let him drag you down as well.

Let him come to you fresh and clean and not with tons of problems

Regards

[Brian24]

I have been bad. I haven’t taken anyone advices because it looks like him and her are over. My new problem is that I asked him what does he think of me as. You know, a friend, a best friend, a boyfriend, or a lover. He told me he doesn’t know because I told him I don’t know but I really think of him as my boyfriend. I am scared to tell him anything because I fear that one he will reject me or two tell me again he doesn’t want to talk about it. Next thing is he has been violated and raped I just don’t know how to get close to him without him thinking that I am like the person that did this to him. I have asked him have I made it in your heart and he told me yes. That is one place I never want to leave and I am not going to do anything to mess that up. Lately he has been talking about private areas’ of his body because he has a physical come up and I am surprised that he would talk about this. When we are together he holds me and acts like he never wants to let go. What should I tell him? What should I do? What worries me the most is that he will think that I am trying to rape him. I don’t want him to think that. So what should I do or say to him about the rape? Please some one tell me what I should do or say? I am so confused about this HELP

[TrueFaith]

OK there is a lot of read in between the lines here. First off if he really liked you he would do anything to be with you right?

You should take control of this and tell him... Look I'm not going to wait around for you to make up your mind. I have a life and I need to get back to it, I love you and I just wanted to state that. Whatever your feelings are for me it doesn't really matter. You know where I am but I just want you to know I'm not going to be here forever

You made your point and its in your control

Don't wait away for him to decide your fate
Make your own futuer


He still sounds like he has issues of his own
Regards

[talaniman]

I think your leading with your heart, and this is a very unequal relationship. Either slow down, and pay attention, or wear a helmut

[Brian24]

I need more advice I guess. I know some of you are telling me to stay away but that is a little hard since he always want to be calling and seeing me. What's new everybody might ask? Well, I will tell you. First of all I did do something that really made him mad at me but, I am not going to say. Sorry! We did make up. I am still worried about being with him because of the rape that he when through as a child. This I know is holding me back and I wish someone could tell me is there any way to get over that fear because I know he wants me to get closer but, I think that he will think that I am going to rape him. Like I said he was raped as a child. I wish everybody would stop telling me to leave him alone. The problem is mainly me because I am scared and I don't know what to do about it. Should I just try and see what happens? I know that he wants me because of what he does and says. I asked him lately does he want me to know him and he said if I quit being scared. Can I get some more advice on this?

[Alty]

You seem really worried about the rape that he experienced as a child, has he discussed this with you, has he told you how he feels about it? Do you listen to him when he talks about it. You wanted to know if anyone ever gets over something like that, I'll let you know when I get over it, but it hasn't happened yet, and yes, I was molested by my female cousin (I'm also female) my earliest memory of it was from the age of 5, in fact, just today I told my story on this site. I'm 37 years old now, married, with two wonderful kids. My past still haunts me, I'm sure it does him as well. You say that he lives with the man that molested him? Your boyfriend needs more help than you can give him right now. He needs to deal with everything that is going on right now and all the things that happened to him in the past, I don't think that you know how to help him through this, and because of that, this will just end in disaster.

Tell him that you care about him, tell him that you will be there for him, but also tell him that until he can deal with these issues, that you cannot be in a relationship with him right now. It's what's best for both of you. Really!

[talaniman]

I think you need to back off, and examine yourself, before you can help someone else. You seem to have more issues than he does. Pull yourself together, and stop this confusion, and assumptions. That's where your fear comes from.

[Brian24]

Well, I know it has been a while but, I had to take a look at my life and so I did. First of all I lost my job but really that is not the problem. My problem is that I still worry about moving forward with him. I don’t really know why because, I kissed him before and he didn’t kill me. He said at that time that he didn’t like me like that and we just moved on with our lives. However, lately I can’t tell if he wants to move on or want to stay still. He told me before that he don’t know if he can love me like and as much as I love him. I asked him before “ Do you ever think you will love me like I love you?” He tells me that he doesn’t know. What is this mean? I don’t know what his “I don’t know” means. Can someone tell me? Is he just saying this to make me feel better or he wants to but can’t. I don’t know what to do or say to him to show him my love. I did buy him a teddy bear the other day and to my surprise he didn’t get mad or upset at that present. What does that mean? Can anyone help?

[talaniman]

He told me before that he don't know if he can love me like and as much as I love him.

Sounds perfectly clear as a bell to me. You have more feeelings than he does and doesn't need you nursing him to health, or anything else.

I asked him before “ Do you ever think you will love me like I love you?” He tells me that he doesn't know. What is this mean?

It means he can't tell you if he will ever feel like you want him to feel, again clear as a bell.

I don't know what his “I don't know” means. Can someone tell me?

It means he doesn't know, and given the question which can have no answer, it's the only response he can give. What's obvious, is you have a lot of questions that have answers you don't want to hear, so you keep asking, and ignore completely what he, and everyone else, has been trying to tell you. Back off and either be a friend with no strings attached or stop crowding him for things he cannot, or does not want to give you. You're a lousy listener.

[BMI]

You bought him a teddy bear and he didn't kill you... sounds like true love to me. T-man is right, its clear as crystal. Had you listened before to the advice given it could have saved you from this new round of stress, it's the same advice now just weeks later.

Also, what's all this talk of the rape? He is WILLINGLY fooling around with you (or entertaining some type of relationship) so why are you afaraid he will think your trying to rape him??

No offence, but you sound desperate.