[Dreamz65]

I have been with my boyfriend for 16 months now living together and well,it has been very rocky at times due to his inability to stay honest.Although he has not had an affair(that I know of) he has had a habit of phoning his ex girlfriends and lying to them about my mere existence.We have had huge fights over this,the only time we fight is over him calling women.I have found numbers in his pockets etc.Well in October last year I found a number and decided to call it,it was one of his ex girlfriends,she told me he said to her he was living on his own and was single and he still cared for her.When I found this out I confronted him and he admitted to it,his response to 'why' was,he did not know.We separated for two months in November/December.He moved back to his home town in another state and came up to stay with me on weekends.He would call me every spare minute and things started to feel like they really had changed or maybe it was more the out of mind out of sight thing.I believed he was being true to me.We got back together at Christmas and he took me away for a wonderful week.We came home,he decided to get a job back here where I live and everything seemed better then it ever was.We had even decided to start saving for a house to buy.Well I would say a month after is when I found out about him calling yet another ex girlfriend only this time I found out he had pinned a note to her door and told her he was single and moved back down there... I was absolutely crushed by this!Things seemed to just spiral downward from there and our relationship got rocky again to a point where I found yet another phone number.This time I phoned it was a woman from his work place.She told me he has been flirting with her and even asked her out on a date... I don't know what lies he would have had to tell me to pull this one off as he is home each day after work.I was shocked and confronted him,he said it was nothing,that it was just a 'buddy' thing.I don't see if she was working there every day why would he find a need to ask for her number AND ask her out?The guys get together and have a few drinks after work,why make it more a one on one thing? So he tells me after I lose it with him that I have over reacted,that I am carrying on over nothing.He slept in the spare room for the last week and had time to think things over... maybe I should just have asked him to leave then.
We got back together on Friday and he asked me to join him to go to a friend from works barbecue on the Saturday night.I got there and he sat two seats away next to a married couple he spoke to most of the night and when he wasn't with them,he was chatting up a storm with the hosts wife or sitting next to her,I felt so out of place not knowing anyone and the fact he was like this towards me.He did come to me a couple of times and hug me but I felt his attention was more on this other woman,mind you she was pretty ordinary and twice my size,but I felt rage and jelousy strike me to the point where I wanted to walk out.To make matters worse this woman (being the hostess) made no efforts to make me feel welcome or even try to speak with me,she seemed more interested in my man but why am I so worried?she has been with her husband almost 10 years...
I am falling apart,I feel anxious and insecure.We came home,he cut the grass,cleaned up around the place yesterday,when I told him I was confused he said to me if he wanted to leave he would have gone by now,that's suppose to make me feel secure? I am losing it,I am finding myself consumed by whether he loves me or not or is going to once again find yet another number from some random woman or get too close to this guys wife.There is now talk about going camping with them,how can I sit there and feel right if he's going to be wanting to sit with her and giggle like they do?
I am feeling like I am going to have a nervous breakdown over all of this,my head is all over the place and I just don't know what to do anymore.

[ldyastrid]

Sounds from what you say (tho I realize there are two sides to every story, and most times the truth is somewhere in the middle) that you will always wonder if he's seeing/calling someone else - do you really want to live like that? You've broken up a few times and it starts all over again - so... how many times does he have to prove the kind of guy he is to you before you believe actions instead of his words?

If this was my life... he'da been gone a while ago... time to move along.. nothing to see here except déjà vu.

Here's a thought... how about you become one of his ex's and then he'll be calling you while he's hiding another girlfriend that he's true to!

[Dreamz65]

I know what your saying,I just love him to bits and when I ask him to leave he refuses and says he loves me and wants to be with me.He is a compulsive flirt and has to stroke his ego yet sexually wise he is happy to want me (if I am lucky) once a week so the flirting,phoning etc I just don't get!If the man was deprived I could understand.
As for being his ex,I have said the same thing to him,I believe if we broke up he would be with someone and be calling me up... it seems he stuffs things up in a relationship,moves on fast without giving himself time to work out where he went wrong,feels bad about what he did in the past relationship,starts to make the same mistakes in the new one hence calls up the ex divulging all.
Sometimes I wish he would make it easier on me and just go,to come hom and find his things out of here would be far simpler but to see him leave,to see him pack his things would just hurt me so much.As painful as it's been I just cannot let go... maybe I need counseling for all of this.I just cannot understand if a man loves a woman like he declares he does then why put me through all of this when people are out there living a much more simpler live... how can it be so hard for us?.