[packer04]

I have been alone for 2 years(divorce after 26 years) I have meant some weirdos, the one now I have been with is a sex addict, but I don't know what to do there. But my girlfriends all tell me I don't need a man. Well I am tired of hearing that. The ones that say it have husbands and boyfriends. So of course they say I don't need anyone. But its nice to have someone. I am so tired of the loneliness. I do things with myself and friends, but it doesn't make up for the alone time. I yearn for someone to want, care and love me and I feel like there is no one. The friend I have is not a boyfriend,but at least I have someone. But I want more and I am just so tired and sad all the time. I feel I COULD ALMOST DIE FROM LONELINESS. My counselor says to get rid of the sex addict and take care of myself. I am so lost. I have read every book on dating, men,but none of them help.When does the loneliness end and sadness end, when you die??

[Wondergirl]

No, no, no. You're looking at this from the wrong end of the telescope. Let's reframe this.

You were married for a long time. You're free right now. You have the world by the tail. You don't have to clean up after anyone except yourself. If there are crumbs on the counter, they are probably yours. Same for the ring in the bathtub. So take care of yourself and get your act together. Be nice to yourself.

Now, look around. Do you like dogs and cats? Yes? Is there an animal shelter in the area? Sign up to be a volunteer maybe two hours a week. Animals aren't your thing? Sign up to be a hospital volunteer. Hospitals need transporters and kitchen helpers and friendly visitors. Nursing homes do too. Maybe that's your thing--to pitch in and help other people. If none of those things sound interesting, check at the public library to find out if they need volunteers to deliver materials to the homebound or to cover books or to help kids with homework. If you're still thinking about it, there might be a horse rescue farm in your area or a church that needs yard work done or a schoolteacher who needs help correcting workbooks. The main thing is to get out there to meet people and help others. (If you're anywhere near Chicago, the library where I work needs a female volunteer to call patrons to tell them their reserved books have come in and are available for pickup.)

And you have my deepest respect. You spelled "loneliness" correctly. That happens very rarely.

[talaniman]

Wondergirl brings some very good points up, as loving yourself, for who you, are is the key to being happy, and someone will want to share it with you. You don't have to settle for a sex addict, kick him to the curb, and get someone else, as you seem to have little trouble finding dates. Keep kissing them frogs, until you find a prince, and don't hesitate to throw the frogs back in the pond. Many divorced people miss that companionship, and intimate moments, as do singles who break up, so you are not alone, but you must be proactive, and get out, and build you a life that makes you happy, about yourself, first. Good luck on your quest.

[George_1950]

"My counselor says to get rid of the sex addict and take care of myself. I am so lost. I have read every book on dating, men,but none of them help." I like what your counselor says. I'm reading a book by Susan Jeffers on this subject; check her out.