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addictedtolove23 · Feb 2, 2008, 05:49 PM

I met this man a few weeks ago and everything seemed to be so right. He was attractive, motivated and a good listener. We ended up becoming pretty good friends, he would call and text me multiple times a day. I felt like he was very interested. He moved out west and had minimal friends out here, we spent maybe every day or every other day together. He just got out of a 6 month relationship and he was telling me how he loved hanging out with me and that he wants to be around me everyday. We have mutual friends. We hooked up maybe 2 or 3 times, I would rub him and we would make out, and I finally told him I wanted to make love. We were both a little tipsy and he was not really sure that he wanted to do it.. He said he didn't want to ruin our friendship and that he sees genuine qualities in me as a "new friend" and he didn't want to ruin that with sex. Well, its been a month since I met him. We had sex.. it was amazing, he has an ex-gf that lives here that I believe blew him off a year ago. She is in the picture, now he says he wants to be celibate for 40 days.. I am so confused. I am trying to be unavailable to him. I made friends with all of his friends and I love them so much, but I'm going on day 2 of not eve hearing from him... which is strange. I just don't want to call because I want to see how long it will take him to call me. We have never argued or gotten into any fights. We are nothing but happy. I can only think that maybe the ex-gf is getting into his emotional sector of his brain and he is afraid to let it go... All I know is the sex was amazing... he is the sweetest guy ever and I want to have him in my life, but the friend thing isn't going to work for me... what can I do?

onlinecounsellor_Dale · Feb 2, 2008, 06:59 PM

Hi

I understand that you really like this man and believe (plus hope!) there is potential for a great relationship between the two of you... but, listen, he sounds like he may have some unresolved feelings from a previous relationship that he first needs to work through. He also sounds like he may be confused and unsure of what he wants. For example, you state he originally didn't agree to sex with you, but that you ended up having it on another occasion.

You describe yourselves as having established a pretty good friendship (as well as the beginnings of a sexual one), all in the course of a few weeks. I'm thinking that true friendship and genuine understanding and knowledge of another person generally takes more than a few weeks... how about you?

I really think you need to respect his current request for space and agree with you that you should not call him. Let him sort himself out and get back to you, otherwise you are inviting further mixed signals, hurt and confusion. You should not have to convince or persuade someone to be with you however much you may like them... let them discover (or not) their feelings for you themselves.

I hope it works out the way you'd like,
Dale

talaniman · Feb 3, 2008, 07:03 AM

Let him sort out his issues, and you carry on with your own life, without him in it.

RustyJenkins · Feb 3, 2008, 03:47 PM

Give him some time, he will come around, it sounds like he is confused right now, maybe still hurt because of his ex who decided to pop back in the picture. After all it is hard with that involved. Friends can def become good lovers, after all it has to start somewhere, jumping in a relationship is not a good way to go. You have already gone to the next step by becoming sexual, maybe to prematurely, which would be the thing that would change your friendship

imation · Feb 3, 2008, 04:18 PM

I reckon sit back and relax, it sounds as if he valued your friendship a lot, so he'll contact you eventually. Go out and forget about worrying! He will call you and when he does, maybe don't be too forward about the relationship you want, bring him closer and the right thing to do with form in its own time.

JBeaucaire · Feb 3, 2008, 05:49 PM

How hard would this situation be for you if you hadn't gotten physically intimate? Be honest. Try to take that out the mental picture as you examine the benefits of trying to make this friend into something else.

Go back to being friends and relax. This is win-win for you.

And avoid "rubbing" on your close friends in the future. Actually require some dating time be under the bridge before you even start to consider the physical stuff. You've been more relaxed on this point up to now and you have to admit it has not made things better. Change your methodology for dating, maybe you'll get much better results, or at least a lot less confusing results with the intimacy stuff thrown in so early.