[John26]

Lets see where do I begin. Recently my girlfriend of 2 years and I have moved in together. I am 25 she is 22. She decided to follow me to a new city where I would begin Physical therapy school. This was extremely caring and nice of her considering she would have to take a semester off school her self. She is presently finishing perquisites for pharmacy school and is to take the PCAT shortly. Anyhow, in a nut shell. As soon as we moved the problems began. She was worried about money constantly. She felt as though she had "hit a wall" with school and wasn’t progressing. I was constantly busy with school in the day and she would work at nights, because of this out time together was slim. She would often complain about how lonely she is and how she doesn’t have any friends or people to talk to in the new area. She also started doubting how I felt about her. She would often state that I would leave her in the dust for someone better or find a girl in my program progressing along with me and ditch her to be left all alone with nothing in the new city. I assured her, this wasn’t true and that I cared deeply for her and that things would get better and this would be temporary. Then the worst happened, she began staying out a lot till 2-3am after work hanging out with her restaurant friends. I have no problem with hanging out with friends just as long as your not staying out every night till 3am. So worst came to worst and she started messing up in every aspect of her life not taking responsibility for anything. I felt as though she was in some type of identity crisis and didn’t know how to pull it together. I tried to help her and offer my advice and she would only take is as added stress to the already existing stress she was experiencing. This caused her to want to spend less time with me and more time with her friends at work.


Then it happened, I found out she had been hanging out with another guy and been lying to keep it a secret. She finally reveled to me that they had sex and that it was a terrible terrible mistake. And that all she really wanted was me but I wasn’t there and she was scared I would leave her for another girl in my program. This was very painful for me. She told me the only reason why she began to hang out with this guy was because it was low stress and someone to talk to. Basically a low stress outlet. She’s feels extremely guilty and because of this avoids me because she feels so terrible for what she has done. We took a week away from each other, and talked for the first time the other day. She tells me how she really and truly and honestly made a mistake and that she doesn’t know who she is anymore and needs to find herself. She tells me she loves me and can't imagine being with anyone else but me in the long run. I really feel like she has fallen apart in the last few month and has don’t a lot of things out of character. She doesn’t think ill ever be able to forgive her again, and I’m not sure I will either, which scares me because I do care a lot for her. We have embarked on a 2 month break from each other starting today. I really feel like she is honestly sorry and was completely out of character. I’m not sure what to do?

[talaniman]

Taking the blame for her actions, is not the thing to do. I suspect that she is new to independent living, and should have stayed in school, around friends and social support. She has growing up issues, and wasn't prepared, or ready for an adult relationship. See it for what it is, your at two different places in your young lives, so of course there was a glitch in the plan. She is gone, so you must carry on with the plan, and hope she will catch up later, if not there are plenty of fish in the sea.

[John26]

Thanks for the response. I think you hit the nail on the head. It is just a tough situation to swallow, especially when both of us still care very much for each other. Although I am extremely mad at her terrible decisions regarding all areas of her life, I do still feel like she is a good person. I think everyone goes through some hard time and everyone makes mistakes. I guess the thing that makes this hardest for me is that I feel as though its situtional and none of this would have happened if she stayed back in our home town and just visted each other on the weekends.