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liverpool2008 · Jan 5, 2008, 03:21 AM

My girlfriend and I love each other very much.. and we have been together for only 5 months plus. Although misunderstandings do occur sometimes, we always recover from it and will go back loving each other just as much as before.. yesterday she suddenly asked for a break up.. and the reason was not because of any matter.. just that.. she loves me too much and that she fears that a break up in the future might result in us not going to be on any kind of talking terms, and that we would not even be normal friends. Hence, she has chosen to break now so that we can still be normal friends and thus we can still grow up together. I find it a terrible waste because we love each other so much, and are we just going to break because of such a reason? I initially told her that I really wanted us to stay together, but after which, I agreed to let her cool off for this 2 days, hopeful that she would reconsider the break. I need help! Should I really let go?

Thanks in advance..

sully123 · Jan 5, 2008, 04:28 AM

Originally Posted by liverpool2008

My gf and I love each other very much.. and we have been together for only 5 months plus. Although misunderstandings do occur sometimes, we always recover from it and will go back loving each other just as much as before.. yesterday she suddenly asked for a break up.. and the reason was not because of any matter.. just that.. she loves me too much and that she fears that a break up in the future might result in us not going to be on any kind of talking terms, and that we would not even be normal friends. Hence, she has chosen to break now so that we can still be normal friends and thus we can still grow up together. I find it a terrible waste because we love each other so much, and are we just going to break because of such a reason? I initially told her that i really wanted us to stay together, but after which, i agreed to let her cool off for this 2 days, hopeful that she would reconsider the break. I need help! Should i really let go?

Thanks in advance..

Give your girlfriend the time she needs right now. If you push her and force her to stay with you, instead of giving her the time and space she wants you will lose her. They usually circle back. For some reason right now she wants it to be like this, respect her wishes and good luck..

nkychic · Jan 5, 2008, 06:35 AM

I agree, respect her wishes, no matter what her reasoning. Girls tend to work in strange ways sometimes. I'm going to be completely honest with you, this could be one of a couple of things. This could possibly be a test. Maybe she wants to see how much you really do love her and this is her way of doing that. Or maybe she really just wants to be single. It could be that she needs the break to figure out what she wants. It's been 5 months you say, correct? Give her the time she needs, but I warn you, if it becomes a long wait, tell her you need to move on. Don't put your life on hold forever waiting for this girl to come around. If she sees that you will wait forever, she may just leave it at that. Why fight for something that keeps falling in your lap right? I'm not saying this is the case, I'm just trying to prepare you for any of these options. If this is true love, the opportunity will come back around to make this work. Good luck and let me know how things work out.

<3 Leslie

liverpool2008 · Jan 5, 2008, 06:59 AM

Thanks for the replies.. leslie and sully.. today has been a long long day for me.. all the images of us for the past 5 months kept resurfacing in my mind. And there is this NC thing that I have realised afte rreading other threads, but it seems non-applicable to me since the whole idea of this break up is be normal friends and to be good ones in fact, so that we can grow old together. Moreever, I'm still at school and we are in the same class. We see each other for almost 10 hours every week day and she has still asked me out tomorrow to study. I do not know how I should behave tomorrow. She would be sad if I am a forlorn figure, and I cannot just act as if nothing happened. I know she still loves me, from the way she cried when she asked for the break up. I just feel its her fear of losing me one day should we break up one day angry with each other. But I initially gave her this 2 days to think it through again.. but going by both your comments, should I really give her more time to think it through to have a better chance of a reconcilliation? Thanks again..

Fr_Chuck · Jan 5, 2008, 07:06 AM

I would say it sounds like there are problems in the relationship if within 5 months you have already ahd break ups and make ups.
Also you can't stop her from breaking up with you if she really wants to.

It sounds like she has other reasons ( maybe tired of breaking up and making up) and is trying to be nice in making an excuse up.

talaniman · Jan 5, 2008, 08:46 AM

Poor confused girl, and she is confusing you to. She wants you as a friend and not a boyfriend. How does that make you feel?

Ash123 · Jan 5, 2008, 08:53 AM

How old are you?

This may be quite natural for someone your age to not be in a pre-engagement type of relationship yet.

shygrneyzs · Jan 5, 2008, 08:56 AM

Yes, you should really let go. Remain her friend, if you can. But if you cannot, then do not remain her friend. There is something muddying the romance waters here and perhaps she is not even aware of all what is going on inside her head. There are times when couples are not couples any longer and actually get along better as friends. I have not seen that happen too many times - because someone usually ends up getting hurt or holding out hope that the tide will change to their favor and it never does.

In five months you have experienced enough ups and downs already. If like life on a yo-yo, keep it up. Not many can live like that.

Let her go her own way and you go your own way. Find new people to meet and enjoy. If, by some chance you two meet up in another year or so and want to re-connect, maybe it would work out better. BUT - do not hold your breath.

liverpool2008 · Jan 5, 2008, 09:02 AM

I am currently 17, going on to 18 soon.

It's a dilemma for me... how am I supposed to stay human while I see her everyday knowing that she is no longer mine. Or to see her with other guys knowing that tt guy isn't me. Yet.. I cannot bear to just not talk to her completely, and to ignore her completely. I shared a special relationship with her, and even if it falls apart, I would still have that special feeling for her. I want her to be safe at all times, to be happy at all times, and this emotions still remain. Yet, I am no longer in that position to be haivng those emotions.. its just so confusing >.<

shygrneyzs · Jan 5, 2008, 09:22 AM

Yes, it is confusing and it is difficult. Is this your first relationship? You have to realize that while we all have gone through that, we have survived it. You need to put that in perspective here and understand that this is part of the growing into adulthood. If you do not let go and try to hold on, it will get ugly and more painful than what you are going through right now.

Wish her well and make a commitment to yourself that there is life after her, because there is. Hard to see right now but truly, there are great experiences ahead for you. Like planning for what goes on after high school.

talaniman · Jan 5, 2008, 09:41 AM

Originally Posted by liverpool2008

I am currently 17, going on to 18 soon.

Its a dilemma for me... how am i supposed to stay human while i see her everyday knowing that she is no longer mine. or to see her with other guys knowing that tt guy isn't me. Yet.. i cannot bear to just not talk to her completely, and to ignore her completely. I shared a special relationship with her, and even if it falls apart, i would still have that special feeling for her. I want her to be safe at all times, to be happy at all times, and this emotions still remain. Yet, i am no longer in that position to be haivng those emotions.. its just so confusing >.<

You are a very caring human, and of couse you are hurt. It always will, but we have to cope with our loss, and go on with our lives. Read the links in my signature, on "what to do when you get dumped", and tell me what you think.

liverpool2008 · Jan 5, 2008, 06:51 PM

thanks for the replies people.. anyway.. I am meeting her in an hours time. We are supposedly to study together. But I heard from a friend that she will be telling me her decision today as well. So.. hope all goes well.. still love her very much, and would like to continue with that. Pray for me! Thanks again peple =)

Brandino747 · Jan 5, 2008, 07:20 PM

definatley move on- in terms of meet other girls. Don't be afraid if she knows about it too. You have to make her realize what she is missing out on; make her realize your value by you moving on and meeting other women... if it was meant to be she will be running back to you.

liverpool2008 · Jan 6, 2008, 07:33 AM

Well we met today.. and her friend was there today too.. so I kept quiet most of the periods. I sent her home at night and on the bus, we talked a lot. She told me that she received both happiness and heartbreaks during our time together, however, personally for her, she is one who prefers to have no heartbreaks, rather than to have happiness. Thus, that is the reason for her initiating the break. However, she also tells me that she cannot make the decision because she still loves me very much. On one hand she loves me, yet she wants to reduce the heartaches she experiences. Its only now that I realise how much an idiot I am. Thanks for everyone's replies, I have told her that I would give her all the time she needs to make a decision, and I would understand if she really wanted to carry on with the break. At least, I know I am at fault for this..

talaniman · Jan 6, 2008, 07:46 AM

No you are not at fault for being who you are, there is no fault when people are not compatible. Don't take it personally. Chalk it up and move on. You will find someone who fits you a lot better, and can work together.

N0help4u · Jan 6, 2008, 07:53 AM

Tell her that doesn't make sense because if she can't be with someone that she LOVES TOO MUCH does that mean she would rather settle for second best or third best or just plain less
Just so she doesn't love them too much?

TrueFaith · Jan 6, 2008, 07:57 AM

Boyfriend now just friend

No way don't play this game.. she sounds like she doesn't know what she wants to do.. she wants to have her cake and eat it. She wants to keep you on the back burner so if all else fails. She can just say oh hey can we pick up.. this whole love you too much is so not true. Its like saying I love you so much I can't be with you?
Now you know that does not make any sens..

Don't let her confues you don't wait around for her to come back. Let her go and get on with your life. I would say don't be friends because if she does find someone else its going to kill you. And she will just say but were friends arnt we? That's all behind us

Trust me its happened to me before. I can't be friends with someone I was dating

Do not put yourself to blame. You didn't beat her.. you didn't hurt her.
If you didn't see eye to eye on a few things big woop

It happens.. I was in one of them relationships a girl was like oh I love you but lets be friends. I said nope and found someone who really fits me. If your in a truly loving relationship. Both sides work at making it right. Its never perfect but it takes 2 people to make a relationship work. And if she wants to quite well her lose

I wish you all the luck :)

liverpool2008 · Jan 7, 2008, 06:09 AM

today we both met in school.. can't help it because we are in the same class.. but I accompanied her home today. She says she is very confused. She doesn't know what to do because she loves me and wants to stay with me, but she is afraid of being hurt again..
and we came to a consensus, to see how things go for the next week or so as we change our relationship to be good friends for the time being. So.. all I can do is wait and see. Thanks guys =]

George_1950 · Jan 7, 2008, 06:49 AM

Kind of like falling off a bike, except it's your heart bruised and bleeding instead of your knees and elbows. You have done well to start reading the NC stuff; please read and re-read it until you master the advice it gives. And take the time to read the threads where guys keep going back and back and back. NC is not for her or for you two; it is for you, to get your head and feet back on the ground. So be patient and breathe slowly, hour by hour and day by day.

TrueFaith · Jan 7, 2008, 04:06 PM

The NC is a must have to let go.. I have lived with my X for over 2 years seeing her everyday.. and watching her with other men sleeping with them kissing them right in front of my face..

It killed me.. but I never gave or showed her anything.. all my friends were like dude you're a robot you don't care.. yeah that was the image I tried to give but I still felt it inside.

and me not talking to her was the best thing because if I would have.. I would have felt like shuch a moron hanging on her everyword and she always said she loved me and didn't know what she wanted. Yet she would sleep around with other people and do it all in front of my face.

the NC rule helpt me so much.. I know its hard seeing her everday. But imagen living with her everyday and working with her everyday. And sleeping in the same room. That your roommate bangs her in :).

I know she says being good friends. But what if she finds someone else can you be her friend then? I know you will go with the advice that brings you the most hope and. That is what she says. I wish you could tell her. Come to me whne youv made you mind up and leave it at that. But I know that's not for everyone :)

you don't have it that bad, you'll be fine :) its tough but I do think NC will help you a lot. Everyone on here has said the same thing. You have to fouces on yourself here. And I do wish you all the best my friend