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How To "Evict" Your Inner Wussy
HOW TO EVICT YOUR INNER WUSSY...
... OR... HOW TO STOP DOING THE WRONG THINGS AND START DOING THE RIGHT THINGS TO ATTRACT MORE WOMEN AND KEEP THEM ATTRACTED! I was talking to a good friend of mine a few nights ago, and he told me an interesting story. He was walking home recently, when he walked by a couple who were obviously in an emotional discussion. As it turned out, the woman was breaking up with the man, and he was trying to understand why. The interchange went something like this: Her: "I'm not ATTRACTED to you anymore... I just don't FEEL IT." Him: "But I would do ANYTHING to make this work... I'll do anything you want... just tell me what to do." Her: "That's the problem. You just don't get it." ... and that was all he heard. Have you ever been there? Have you ever had a girlfriend break up with you, or just drift away, and the more you tried to hold on, the further she ran from you? And the more you tried to be a "good guy" and please her, the more distant she became? Well, me too. I've been there MORE than once in my life. And it ALWAYS SUCKED. The worst part about it was NEVER UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE HECK WAS GOING ON! I can remember being that guy I just told you the story about... and asking "Why? Why are you confused? What do I have to do to make this work?" I was willing to change, act different, or whatever. Little did I know at the time, but it was this EXACT attitude that led to all the problems in the first place. If you've read my latest posts for awhile now, you probably know that women don't feel the emotion called ATTRACTION for guys who act weak, needy, insecure and "WUSS-LIKE". But unless you know this to begin with, then it's ALL TOO EASY to become a "nice", overly-accommodating, uninteresting, predictable, boring guy... and even though it seems logical that a woman should love to be treated like a queen at all times, you've probably found out, just like I have, that this combination usually leads to a woman either 1) Leaving you... or 2) Becoming increasingly controlling, domineering, and neurotic. So what's up with that? Why does this happen? And more importantly, what can we do to avoid getting into this horrible position of losing a woman's attention because we're trying to be nice to her? Here's my take, after studying this stuff... 1. ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE. In other words, we humans don't CHOOSE who we feel attracted to... and, JUST AS IMPORTANT, who we DON'T feel attracted to. ATTRACTION happens for reasons all its own, and these reasons have evolved inside of us over time. While culture, peer pressure, and trends can shape our natural drives slightly, the FUNDAMENTALS NEVER CHANGE. 2. MEN ARE ATTRACTED MORE TO LOOKS, WOMEN ARE ATTRACTED MORE TO PERSONALITY AND CHARACTER. Most men can't believe it, but to a woman your looks just aren't that important. Sure, if you don't take care of yourself, don't bathe, and let two of your front teeth rot out you might scare away the ladies. But for the most part, women will look past just about ANY physical issue if she feels that all-important emotion called ATTRACTION. And ATTRACTION is created by your PERSONALITY. For women, ATTRACTION is triggered by male qualities like: Dominance, Humor, Unpredictability, Adventure, Strength, Sexual Awareness, Indifference, etc. 3. WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO WUSSIES. 'Nuff said. 4. WOMEN TEST MEN BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO. When a woman begins to feel a romanticc onnection with you, she faces an interesting problem... How can she tell for sure if your character and personality are the way you're expressing them? As we all know, men and women BOTH show off and exaggerate their "good sides" while downplaying and hiding their negative traits at first. This is why men suck-in their guts, brag, and show off... and why women wear makeup, do their hair, and shop all day for their clothes. If you were a woman, and you needed to figure out if a man was showing you his "true self", how would you do it? What if you had to know FOR SURE? The only way is to TEST on an ongoing basis, and to keep escalating the tests to be sure. Put all this together (with a bunch of other factors that I don't have time to talk about) and you get an interesting problem that women face... A woman responds to a man that stirs her emotions, and causes her to want him so badly that she'll put aside all logic and reason to be with him. But what if the man is just pretending? What if he only SEEMS to be this confident, funny, manly-man on the outside, but he's actually a push-over WUSS-BAG that is insecure and makes up for it by acting like a tough guy? Or worse yet, what if he's a WUSS all the time, and she just happened to settle for him because he was available and persistent... and she didn't have anything better going on at the time... but now she has other options? Well, these are the kinds of situations, that when played out, lead to the story that I started with... a man begging a woman to stay... pleading with her to explain what he has to do to keep her. Of course, this is all WUSSY behavior, and it only serves to put the final nail in the coffin, convincing the object of your desire that you are ABSOLUTELY, beyond the shadow of any doubt, a Wuss. So what's the answer? The answer is to NEVER BE THOUGHT OF AS A WUSSY AGAIN! If you want to make your dating life a whole lot better and easier, then stop and think about your behavior... and resolve right now to stop acting like a WUSS for the rest of your life. Being "nice" and "accommodating" and"understanding" is great for friendships and social relationships, but it's HORRIBLE for ATTRACTION. An interesting, attractive woman doesn't want a guy that she can push around. She doesn't want a guy who does what she wants him to do. She doesn't want a little boy that she can train and raise. An interesting, attractive woman wants a MAN. This doesn't make LOGICAL sense, I know. But it's the truth. These submissive qualities will only work in attracting a woman IF SHE LIKES DRESSING UP IN LEATHER AND WHIPPING HER MAN... AND CHARGING $400.00 AN HOUR! And my guess is that this isn't the kind of woman that you're looking for. I've explained some of the important qualities that you need to cultivate in yourself if you want to attract women... and keep them attracted. AHHHH! THINGS THAT ANNOY WOMEN... Here are some of the things that many women consider to be "annoying": - Calling her too often - Telling her that you have "feelings" for her too early - Giving away your power to her and making her the boss - Always asking a woman what she wants instead of leading - Acting submissive and weak - Accepting her demands, bossy-ness, and manipulative requests - Being her doormat and putting your own needs aside "WHAT?" you say. "HOW COULD THIS BE?"... you might be thinking. How is it possible that demonstrating your affection for a woman by calling her, telling her how you feel, letting her make the decisions, and putting her first could be considered ANNOYING, of all things? Well guess what? IT IS. Women, and ESPECIALLY the most ATTRACTIVE and desirable women, usually consider the above things to be VERY annoying. Of course, the reason for this is because no matter how good these kinds of behaviors seem on the surface, there's only one conclusion that can be drawn from them: THE MAN DOING THEM IS A BONAFIDE, 100%CERTIFIABLE WUSSY! AND WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO WUSSIES. NEVER. |
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Okay, so you evicted your inner wussy, or realized the things you were doing wrong in the first 2 months of the relationship. You haven't talked to your still GF in 3 days on the phone. Its christmas eve... everything inside of you is telling you to call her or text her, but you don't know what to do.
What should be your next move... |
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 Originally Posted by aiyerrc
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Not even on xmas eve? Its just weird that up until last Wednesday, she would call me everyday that I didn't call or text her. But now its been 5 days since she initiated any contact with me. I texted her once Saturday, once Sunday. That last time we spoke was when she called me on Wednesday... what has changed since then? How could she have lost interest in me when nothing has changed since a week and a half ago when xmas break started...
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My inner self is telling me to work out for the next month or so, find the new guy that's with your ex girlfriend, and pound his face away.
... that's not very "inner wussy"... @ aiyerrc... I'd hate to say this... but this is my theory: Men take longer to fall in love, and take longer to fall out of love. Women fall in love in an instant, but also fall OUT of love in an instant. In my experience, women can pretty lose "that feeling" for a guy within a week. By week 2, she's moving onto the next guy... doesn't matter if you and her have been together for 2 months or 3 years. Just happens. |
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Originally Posted by aiyerrc
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Opinion
Better yet, both |
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Originally Posted by aiyerrc
1. She may wonder, and her mind may feel the challenge in you. 2. she may react on that, like she is "hurt" because you didn't called her, which is what we need, in order to make the next step. 3. You see the things as they really are. If she doesn't even notice your "distance", you have all the right to say she is not interested anymore, and you keep an eye on other people around you, in case the relation dies. Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
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I unserstand totally what you are saying, if it weren't xmas it would be easier... dont you think its an a$$hole move not to even text her on xmas? Or are we trying to come off like and a$$hole?
And wouldn't this piss her off to the point that she won't even want to call me? |
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Originally Posted by aiyerrc
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My thing is... would she text you on xmas? I mean, be honest. Would she? The thing is, she broke up with you, right? Texting her on xmas is NOT an @sshole move. It's not. You got to treat her like one of your co-workers or classmates that you don't really talk to. You wouldn't text them right? Granted, if you run into them on the street, you wouldn't ignore them... but you wouldn't go out of your way to say WHY HELLO THERE? HOW'S LIFE?!
Just keep it distant. If you text her, and she texts you back... great. So what? Nothing happens. If she doesn't text you back, you feel like crap. The benefit isn't worth the risk. Damn. Same message... only a minute late. |
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Originally Posted by aiyerrc
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Originally Posted by aiyerrc
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She didn't break up with me sneeze... she just hasn't initiated contact in 4 days, but she hasn't ignored me either...
I just feel sometimes like this is what she wants, separation, so she can break up with me easier, and she's being a good person and waiting until we see each other. But that's me being paranoid... the thing of it is, we have been that close couple before, 5 texts a day, 2 phone calls a day, balanced of course... texts like I miss you baby,, only 2 more days until thanksgiving break is over and I get to see you! Stuff like that... But since I came to her with problems in the relationship I have been having, she has acted a little less like this, but still happy with me... I just hate not knowing, as usually, what's going on with her |
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Originally Posted by aiyerrc
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Maybe not manipulative, but maybe I try to subconciously control her... im not sure what berating means!
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Originally Posted by aiyerrc
Some ways we attempt to manipulate and control others and certain situations: · Manipulation · Sweetness · Playing victim · Niceness · Forcefulness · Threats · Helplessness · Illnesses · Tragedies · Rescuing tendencies · Addictions · Neediness · Pushiness · Assertiveness · Hopelessness · Flattery · Becoming indispensable · Financial manipulations · Martyrdom · Coercion · Loyalty · Total surrender Are you into one of them ? Originally Posted by aiyerrc
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...th-165536.html |
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Yea, I am guilty of berating then, maybe a bit of control, but is it only because I'm insecure about being in a relationship, or maybe I want everything to be perfect. Like I said, I realize all this now, after being away from her for 2 or 3 weeks, but I don't know what she's thinking about the whole thing.
I just want to be back at school, so I can show her I don't "need" her day-to-day.. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ay-159221.html https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-159461.html https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-162828.html https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-160833.html https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...rk-164053.html https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ex-164383.html https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ht-165363.html Matteus, I know that is a bunch of info, but if you have some time, just briefly look over these threads that I started, basically covering the last 2 weeks of my life and the relationship... I know its lengthy, and at times a bit repeptitive, but any insight into it would be great... Basically, I'm looking for an analysis of where you think her head is at, what I should do, whatever you already haven't told me in this thread, and anything else you see necessary. Tell me your honest opinion, and what my overall best move is... Again, I know its lengthy, so I appreciate it if you look at it at all. Thanks! By the way, WE ARE STILL DATING/bf.gf!! |
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Originally Posted by aiyerrc
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Understandable...
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Your paranoia is baseless, is it not? You want her to be your doormat, because you are insecure, and you know that you are hers. Dude, if you gone in with the mentality, "I am going to show her I don't need her", you will lose her.
GO WITH THE FLOW! Don't let your head ruin your relationship. She is normal, you are too hard on her. I lost a girl recently out of frustration. She liked playing head games, I knew they were head games and I knew she really liked me. I think she still does. But I had enough of the games. I might have been wrong though and perhaps closed the door on a good person. I feel bad, but I couldn't deal with the games anymore. I think you're the one who is unsure about the relationship. Not her. Your own behavior is suspect. You turn the irrelevant into something huge. You're so unsure of yourself, you project your insecurities into the relationship. That's not her fault, its yours. Stop turning a good thing into a sad thing because of unjustified fears. --Cali |
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