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needinghelp2getonmyfeet · Dec 3, 2007, 10:07 PM

Okay so I'm sitting here and all I want to do is ing scream on the top of my lungs. That's all that my mind is doing, screaming and hollering in my head. It's driving me crazy. So much has been going on. I'm falling apart. How do you expect me to sleep, eat, live when I have a conscounce (or however the you spell that) and all that I can think of is how am I going to prove to this ing man that I'm sorry. I cry for hours on end until I do finally fall off to sleep. It's not fair how life treats people. It's not like I wanted to make him feel this way. I ask questions because I don't understand and it makes it worse. He doesn't touch me like he use to, he doesn't talk to me like he use to, and on top of all things, he doesn't love me like he use to. He says he still loves me but I can tell in his actions that it's not as deep as it use to be. I'm trying my best to hold all of this together. I don't know what I'd do if I lost him but at the same time I don't know how to fix these things. I know it takes time and believe me I've been waiting but in the mean time, how can you expect someone to wake up in a chipper mood? It's not ing possible. I admit that I done wrong but to be truthful, It wasn't this far fetch mistake, I could have done worse but I didn't. I knew better. I knew what I stood to lose and that's Lee. This other . Who cares about that? There's nothing more that pisses me off other than someone saying I'm not trying hard enough when I know in my heart that I'm doing the best that I possibly can. It might not seem like much to you but to me it's a huge stretch. I can't help I'm not perfect. I'm me and you knew this when we first got together. I never wanted to change you and never will I want to. I know your intentions are for the best but every once in awhile I'd like a break. It's hard on me and you don't realize that. There's been times that I've poured my heart out to you and it doesn't even faze you like you have no feelings or you've heard it all before. I know in your previous relationships that you've had a lot of trouble and it's a lot of stress on you with us because we're just now beginning our relationship but it's not like I intended for it to be this way. I love you more than I've loved anyone else in this world and I'm giving all that I have to this relationship but sometimes I feel as though it's not enough for you. For us. I don't know why I'm even writing this when I will never let anyone see it. I geuss I just needed something to do to ease this pain in my heart. That's all I really want.

simoneaugie · Dec 4, 2007, 03:09 AM

Love is forgiving. You must forgive yourself first.

miou30 · Dec 5, 2007, 02:30 AM

I'm so so sorry that you are going through this. I honestly know how you feel and it sucks. I have been there and there are days that I still feel like that. You can take comfort in the fact that as time goes by you will have a few "good" days and then a few more and before you know it the "good" days will be far more than the bad ones. Don't feel bad for crying yourself to sleep. It's good for you. It releases all those raw emotions you have deep inside. There are times I wish I could let it all out like you do.

Please don't blame yourself for this. It's not your fault or his. You know you have some issues and probably so does he. You have been through a lot and now is the time to take action and deal with the issues that have been haunting you all this time. I can understand your pain and I'm sure you never want to feel like this ever again. It's not going to be easy. I'm dealing with my baggage from the past as we speak. But it's the best thing you can do for ourself.

At the moment I'm seeing a counsellor to try and deal with some issues I have from the past. Just the fact that I'm getting advice from a professional makes me feel more secure that everything is going to be OK. Friends or family are helpful most of the times but there are times that they really can't do much. IMO seeing a licenced therapist is the best option for you at the moment. It will help both in the short run and long run.

I'm not saying it won't happen again but if it does you will be very well equipped to deal with it and not let it affect you so much. Take care sweety and let us know of your progress:)

needinghelp2getonmyfeet · Dec 6, 2007, 04:39 PM

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

Love is forgiving. You must forgive yourself first.

You are so right... love is forgiving... Look at what God went through... my pain and suffering is only temporary! :D Thanks!

needinghelp2getonmyfeet · Dec 6, 2007, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by miou30

I'm so so sorry that you are going through this. I honestly know how you feel and it sucks. I have been there and there are days that I still feel like that. You can take comfort in the fact that as time goes by you will have a few "good" days and then a few more and before you know it the "good" days will be far more than the bad ones. Don't feel bad for crying yourself to sleep. It's good for you. It releases all those raw emotions you have deep inside. There are times i wish I could let it all out like you do.

Please don't blame yourself for this. It's not your fault or his. You know you have some issues and probably so does he. You have been through a lot and now is the time to take action and deal with the issues that have been haunting you all this time. I can understand your pain and I'm sure you never want to feel like this ever again. It's not going to be easy. I'm dealing with my baggage from the past as we speak. But its the best thing you can do for ourself.

At the moment I'm seeing a counsellor to try and deal with some issues I have from the past. Just the fact that I'm getting advice from a professional makes me feel more secure that everything is going to be ok. Friends or family are helpful most of the times but there are times that they really can't do much. IMO seeing a licenced therapist is the best option for you at the moment. It will help both in the short run and long run.

I'm not saying it wont happen again but if it does you will be very well equiped to deal with it and not let it affect you so much. Take care sweety and let us know of your progress:)

It's only been about a week since me and my ex broke up and there's been the good days and then there's the bad ones. I feel as though, there's more bad ones then anything. My problem with the crying... is that I do it ALL the time... I cried this morning because I was so hungry but couldn't eat because my ex cooked it for me all the time... Isn't that stupid?

I don't blame myself for all of it... I know there could have been some things that I could have avoided but ***t happens and we all make mistakes. All of the pain that I'm dealing with right now will help me in the long run and I know will make me a better person. But for the here and now... How do I go about it at the right pace? I feel so weak.

I don't have many friends so this site really helps me out a lot because I have so many questions getting answered and it helps me so much. It truly does. I'd love to go see a councelor or a therapist but right now, I don't have the money nor do I have the transportation to get me there. Do you know of anywhere you can go online to talk to free therapists??

I really appreciate all of the positive feedback I'm getting... Thank you sooo much for talking with me. You don't know how much of a difference you've made in a stranger's (me) life. Thanks again!