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lost?? · Nov 2, 2007, 08:42 AM

Hi I'm looking for advice. My girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me last night. We we're arguing, a fight which she started. I was trying to calm her down but it wasn't working. She kept saying a bunch of stuff and it set me off and I got really ma dand told her to "shut the f*** up". I immediately regretted saying it and said I was sorry and even though she started everything she didn't deserve that. Anyway, she broke up with me won't talk to me now. We we're supposed to go out tonight for a friends birthday and I'm thinking about leaving work early (which is something she knows I never do) and showing up at her work before she goes in today with flowers or something saying I'm sorry. Anyone think this is a good idea?

Miss Sparkle · Nov 2, 2007, 08:46 AM

You are both in the wrong here for different reasons. Leave her alone for a day or so then text her telling her your sorry and you acted out of order, and ask if you can see her

Foxy459459 · Nov 2, 2007, 09:02 AM

Text messages are not sincer. Do the idea you were thinking about. So that way she knows that you love her and want to make this work. But make sure that she knows she was wrong for yelling at you to about whatever you guys were fighting about. OR was she right about the fight?

lost?? · Nov 2, 2007, 09:06 AM

No, I don't want to get all into it because it's a very long story, but she was wrong about the fight. Truth is she was mad at other people and took it out on me which I told her was bull. She's such a nice person and won't say anything bad to anyone... except me. In reality, she not always the super nice person everyone makes her out to be. Anyway, I think I'm going to surprise her, tell her I'm sorry and see how it goes. I'm still open to any advice anyone may have. Thanks!

cerisa · Nov 2, 2007, 09:12 AM

So you lost your temper. Go ahead, send her flowers, apologise, those were harsh words. Every couple has disagreements sometimes, and it can be frustrating to be misunderstood.
We all make mistakes. Hopefully she can accept that you are sorry for yours. Learn to fight fair, both of you. Good Luck

Foxy459459 · Nov 2, 2007, 09:17 AM

Im thinking the say way. If she really loves you she will get over this. She won't keep this up just because you told her to shut the F*** up. You do need to tell her that its OK to talk to you about the things and the people that make her mad, but its not OK to take it out on you.

lost?? · Nov 2, 2007, 09:27 AM

Her whole thing about what I said last night is that she doesn't think I respect her, which I do, but could see how she wold think that. How do I show her this?

kp2171 · Nov 2, 2007, 09:44 AM

Well, telling her to shut the f*&k up just game her ammo. Even when the other person is wrong and pushing your buttons you need to check your pride at the door from time to time, or at least you'd better make sure its worth it.

Do the flowers. Tell her you are sorry. Then back off. If she initiates contact she's probably sorry herself. And if all you are is her sounding board of verbal abuse... meaning that she's not very nice to you, then you might need to rethink things.

Its one thing to "be there" for a person when they need to vent. Its another for the other person to treat you worse than they do their friends or even strangers. I dated a girl like that once... thought if I worked hard enough itd all turn out fine. In the end, she still complained and treated me worse than others and I had to say buh-bye. We all get into ruts, but ask yourself if you met her today and she treated you as she has been treating you, would you think "this is a girl id like to date"? If the answer is yes then you know its worth it.

Everybody loses their temper from time to time and says things they shouldn't... but the way you treat each other when things are rough IS important. Its easy to be nice when things are easy. The real test is how do you interact when the crap hits the fan.

Like I said, if you are going to use harsh words, make sure its worth it. They might be the last words you ever get to say to your partner before they split.

cerisa · Nov 2, 2007, 09:48 AM

I noticed another post by you from three weeks ago. Seems like you both need to 'count to ten' before you snap at each other. Small fights can ruin a good thing. You may not be intending to throw it all away, nor she, but sometimes people forget what they are really fighting about. The harsh words become a fight of their own. When things are calm, have a talk with her and see if you can't agree to stick to the issue at hand, and not use hurtful words to get your argument heard.