[walg9e]

I was in an emotional affair. I don't know if it really qualifies as an affair because supposedly the friend knew about me. I met him at my last job and we became really close in 18 months. He told me he had a woman and I refused to believe it because of the connection we had and it just seemed like he never spent time with her. It just seemed like he didn't have a woman and was using that as an excuse to not get into a physical relationship because he wasn't ready for that type of commitment. Anyway, I fell in love with him and asked if he really had a woman. He told me yes and that she knew about me and allowed him to explore his feelings for me. He told her that he felt like he knew me all his life even though he had never spoken to me before, and that he never has felt like that before. He said it made him curious as to how he could feel an instant connection with someone he never met. He told her that we kissed, and that he visits me sometimes and that we talk on the phone all the time. She was OK with it because we never had . That was where she drew the line. So as time went on I was on an emotional roller coaster and wrote him a 7 page typed letter letting all my emotions flow. I told him that I felt guilty for loving another woman's man and that if I were her, I wouldn't want a woman like me in my man's life. So I said I was going to pull back. I was beginning to become obsessed with him. So I did and in the next few weeks he told me that I was still on a roller coaster and that he was not going to call me for a while. So I began texting him once a day or so. We never talked for about a month and a half.

Then all of a sudden he calls me at 12:30 am. This wasn't unusual because he get's off around that time, but he had me on the speaker phone. He never did that. Then his conversation was hurried. He finally asked me when was the last time he called me and I said about a month and a half ago and then I heard someone's voice in the background yelling. I didn't think anything of it until I heard the woman yell, " He's got a woman, stop calling him, texting him, leave him the (F) alone!". He told her to calm down and then asked me if our relationship was ever physical? I said no and she went on about how I wanted to give him oral . And then he said he'd call me back and she went off yelling he better not call that b**ch back! And then she said she knew where I lived and he finally said he'll call me back and hung up.

He called me back a few days later and said that the dynamics of their relationship had changed and that there were some double standards going on. He said that she was OK with our relationship until those dynamics (which he said he would explain later) happened. I told him that now I felt like if I did communicate with him, that I would be disrespecting her. He replied, " How can someone (his woman) allow you to be you and feel disrespected?" But then the next day he calls to say that they did some talking and because he has to respect her feelings, he has to "respectfully ask me not to call or text him anymore." So that was it.

Now I wonder if all the stuff he told me he told her was true. He never has lied to me. I mean I never felt like he has. He speaks honestly and I just don't know why he would lie about telling her everything if we weren't even physically intimate? I could see him lying about telling her about me to get in my pants, but he had PLENTY of opportunities to do so and NEVER tried to. Now I'm broken hearted because even though I was pulling back and we were slowing down, I still could call him if I wanted to. But now it's like he was all a dream. I called him at work the other day because someone from his job called me but left no message. He was surprised to hear from me and said it wasn't him, but the conversation was like I wasn't someone special. It was like I was just an old co-worker. And I guess that's all I am now.

[PoliticallyCorrect]

If he has always been truthful and honest with you, he probably has with her too.

Now you have to do what he asks. All three of you must be hurting a lot.

[excello98]

Being the 'other man/woman' is NEVER a good idea. It leaves you open to ALL of the risk while the other side always has a 'fallback' if things don't work out.

I know it's hard - especially when you feel like you have 'so much in common', but the reality is that if you don't mean enough for him to leave his woman, than you should probably bail. I was in a very similar situation a while ago where she had a boyfriend, and kept telling me that 'she had feelings for me' and 'had nothing in common' with her boyfriend. Like you, I felt bad and started pulling back, but she kept at it. In the end she chose her boyfriend and I didn't mean anything to her.

It sucks... but it happens :(. While you're moving on, remember that you deserve better.

[walg9e]

Being the 'other man/woman' is NEVER a good idea. It leaves you open to ALL of the risk while the other side always has a 'fallback' if things don't work out.

I know it's hard - especially when you feel like you have 'so much in common', but the reality is that if you don't mean enough for him to leave his woman, than you should probably bail. I was in a very similar situation a while ago where she had a boyfriend, and kept telling me that 'she had feelings for me' and 'had nothing in common' with her boyfriend. Like you, I felt bad and started pulling back, but she kept at it. In the end she chose her boyfriend and I didn't mean anything to her.

It sucks....but it happens :(. While you're moving on, remember that you deserve better.

Man does it suck! You know he never told me anything bad about his woman. Barely talked about her at all. He really kept her out of our equation as far as conversation goes. That's why for the longest I didn't believe he had a woman. He never talked about her, included her in his stories, nothing unless I asked and didn't do much of that. I really didn't want to know about her.

There is a part of me that thinks he doesn't want to seem like a failure, so he continues to be with his woman even though he doesn't really want to. His parents got divorced when he was in his early 20's and I think it really affected him. I don't know why, but I just feel like he is going to call me and ask me to forgive him and tell me he is and always has been in love with me and now he realizes that his relationship is over. Did you feel that way? Am I just wishful thinking? Holding on to a dream? Why do I feel like he will do that before the end of the year? How long did it take for you to get over her?:(