[MarleneD]

I have a long-distance relation problem. Me and my boyfriend live at opposite sides of Earth. We met one year ago, but he didn’t confess he liked me until he went back home. Later, he came here again a couple of months. Our problem has been one—he has always pressed me a lot (even to you-know-what), and tried each day for 10 months to convince me to move to him, even if I refused right from the beginning. In many cases he is a great guy (maybe I don’t deserve him) and he gives me much attention (too much, sometimes) and writes me romantic mails each morning.

One month after he went back, he told me for the first time our relation had no perspective if I didn’t move there. I got very heartbroken by this, and he continued having this talk two more times, before he told me that either I had to move to him or we must split up, since he was feeling too bad because of our distance relation, he needed more closeness. I refused (again), he accepted it. The very same day, he suddenly got a new female friend (he had never any female friends before).

Time passed, and later he started to complain about my future dreams, that I didn’t care about him since girls usually made crazy things to show their boyfriends they loved them, and I didn’t even want to do you-know-what and even less move to him. He continued all the time asking whether I really loved him, complaining on that he wanted a girl that would cook for him and that was more affectionate in this way (one that took care of him) and since I hate cooking, I probably didn’t care about him, etc. Even when he was here with me, he tried to remake me (as fast as I criticized him or didn’t agree in a discussion, I scared him. All our discussions were about the women ideal, mine doesn’t agree with his, I am too modern). After all our discussions when he told me he wasn’t happy, I started to feel really, really bad. I had taken the relationship good before (even on distance), but now I have been feeling like the worst person on Earth, which maybe I am.

Now he is spending more time with this new female friend of him, than he spends with me on phone, and I must admit I am getting jealous. When I showed this openly today, he got really pissed-off (as he always get when I am criticizing him). He told me I didn’t trust him, and I must trust him if our relation must work. I agree about that I am stupid in this case, I believe he is faithful and everything, but still…something feels wrong…I can’t believe him after all his pressure…

What should I do? What is wrong with me? I can’t really show him more attention (which is what he demands of me), since I each day still answer 20 SMS approximately (count for 9 hours time difference), and I even haven’t time to focus on my studies anymore. I just feel so torn apart, so sad, bad, heavy…somehow, I feel some kind of emotional outburn. On the other hand, how do I know that this female friend isn’t the real case of why he seeks conflicts with me? Maybe he just wants to get rid of me? (He always blames me for everything.) I want to be with him, but I feel so, so broken…Maybe I’ll get dumped today.

I would really appreciate an answer…

[statictable]

May I ask what part of the world does your male friend feed at. This information will help a great deal. Best wishes.

[lmnotok]

Hey I was in the same situation like you.

All my advice to you (after I get through all kinds of drama, missing, failed some classes out of spending too much time for him) is that:
1. You can't control if he likes that gal, since its natural, you guys are too far apart. And you never know what really happen by the way them, so stop imagining bad things.
2. Focus on your own life. If you don't agree to move to him or he doesn't want to move to you then you should end this relationship out of the blue.

Girl, I really feel for you, I was in an exact situation as you. If you get dumped or dump him then at 1st it will get really painful and hurt so much. But time does heal.

I'll always be here for you, Mar.

There are some things you thought it was real but when you get out of this, u'll see its real face.

If u want more advice, don't hesitage to ask me.

[MarleneD]

After a few weeks of OK relation, I managed to screw it up, so yesterday I got dumped.
The reason is that I am too insecure about us (and the truth is, after all comments he has made about what I must change and all conversations about his insecuricy, I was) , and he feels he has no connection with me, we are too different.

I know he simply has moved on and our paths have separated. But it hurts so much. To me it felt like he was the closest person to me on Earth... but I'll survive, heal and move on. Thank you guys for you advice... :-)

He lives in Canada but is Russian, moved to C. just a couple of years ago. I live in Sweden...