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JGIG · Oct 17, 2007, 03:57 PM

We were friends before we were together. Being an open person, I told him all about my past and who I dated - IDIOT! He was married young and worked many jobs, so he never got to enjoy "single life." He has felt this part of his life was missing and considered not getting together with me in order to have time as a single guy. We were too much in love and we have been madly in love for five years. This has been the best relationship I have ever been in and he treats me like a queen. Regardless of all this, I have worried that his longing for a lost single life would get the best of him. I found out last week that it had. He has apologized and feels terrible for hurting me says he won't do it again. He said he hoped he could get some of those feelings out of his system and didn't want to lose me. It is such a complicated issue, that I don't think anyone can truly understand. I just need help in trying to deal with knowing that the man who holds me gently and sweetly; can have forgotten about me when I wasn't there and cheated. We have done a lot of talking these past few days and I feel that we are closer than ever - but I am also so hurt and sad. One minute I'm fine with him, and the next I don't want to talk or be near him. This relationship means to world to me and I want to forgive him but I don't know how long that will take. I want to forgive him for myself so I can let the hurt feelings go.

alextwo · Oct 17, 2007, 04:05 PM

This is extremely tough, but you both knew what you were getting into when you found out he was never single and mingling. However, I would feel the same way, hurt and sad that someone that has been with you and in love with you for 5 years could do that. If you do truly love him, you can forgive, never forget. Maybe see how he reacts if you tell him you cheated on him too and see how hard it was for you, if you want to do it that way. If not, than you both need to really test your relationship by means of getting closer than ever, talking all the time, and seeing if you both have the same wants in life.

JGIG · Oct 17, 2007, 04:22 PM

Yes, we both knew what we were getting into. I guess I was just hoping that he would love me too much to do this.

alextwo · Oct 17, 2007, 06:08 PM

Sometimes women just have to accept that even the best of men are idiots

BiWiccanAndProud · Oct 17, 2007, 07:21 PM

Well I for one have never been cheated on that I know of but I know where you are coming from just cause this has happened to some of my friends and they tell me all about it. The thing is that it will take a while to forgiven him, if you do, cause I know it probably hurts a lot, but this is the only time it's happened in five years right? Normally I say if someone cheats once they will do it again, but if you guys have been together this long and it's the first time he's done this, I truly doubt it will happen again. So don't worry too much... I'm sure you're fine. Give him another chance, every time you think of what he's done to you, just think of the last five years and how much they and him mean to you. You'll make it ^.^

brookeleigh · Oct 18, 2007, 04:09 AM

My boyfriend had an affair on me with another girl. It was really hard for me to deal with.. my theory is

One a cheater, always a cheater.

They don't change. Trust me.

Clough · Oct 18, 2007, 04:34 AM

Originally Posted by brookeleigh

My boyfriend had an affair on me with another girl. It was really hard for me to deal with.. my theory is

one a cheater, always a cheater.

They dont change. Trust me.

I find it hard to believe that you would say trust you based upon a theory that you have. Where is the teaching happening here?

brookeleigh · Oct 18, 2007, 05:08 AM

Trust no cheater, I am not a cheater. Ive been cheated on. Got it?

BiWiccanAndProud · Oct 18, 2007, 05:20 AM

I normally say the same thing brookeleigh, but in this case I think it's different. She's been with five years and this is the first time.

cerisa · Oct 19, 2007, 05:08 PM

So sorry Jgig, It is rough when the person you trust cheats on you. The 'seven year itch' a little early. Not all partners stray, of course, but that seems to be one of the most common times for it to happen. Another is when a woman is pregnant. And another is when the kids are in late teens. About your situation though, his being willing to talk to you about it is good. He wants to make a go of it? Are there children involved? Forgiveness is for you, not the cheater. Carrying that anger can literally make you sick. Forgive if you can, but don't forget. Get a good book to help you clarify your thoughts, one is "you can't have him, he's mine".