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Alshiema · Sep 25, 2007, 10:22 AM

Why does he care if your on Facebook or any other website? Shouldn't you at least have your own space from him and do the things you want to do? Why does it have to be all what he wants? I think you have the right to do what you want to do at time... But as for you going out and leaving him alone that's wrong, and I've seen that you said you're now including him into going out with you, that's good. I wish you all the best and I do hope things work out for the best :)

hpallister · Sep 26, 2007, 08:17 AM

I think the Facebook reaction came from me havign had a myspacce before and him having been worried by the random men that emailed me on that (which I didn't invite at all, I have never even looked at another guy).

I am seeign him on Sunday now to discuss the furniture and bills etc. Have no idea how to act around him, it's going to be so hard!
Do I tell him I'm still not on Facebook? Or do I avoid all discussion of what I did wrong completely? So confused.
x

rol · Sep 26, 2007, 08:20 AM

I think the Facebook thing was all just an excuse really for him to end it.

Don't mention it.

Discuss furniture , bills and leave it at that.

Foxy459459 · Sep 26, 2007, 09:44 AM

Im sorry but I have read through the 7 pages of decussion here, and I think that you need to come clean with how you feel to this man. If you don't want him to leave your life then you need to tell him. Call him and ask how his grandmother is, ask how he is. You're the one who messed up so you're the one who needs to fix it! Call him and ask him to come over because there are some things that you need to talk to him about. If you don't want him to leave your life then be TOTALLY HONEST WITH HIM! Tell him how your talking to someone about everything, and your trying to be a better person, how you totally GOT RID OF FACEBOOK AND MYSPACE! Don't let him get away. If you cry that's not a bad thing becasuse that means that you have a heart and you have feelings. I can not stress it enough to tell him how you feel about everything, and don't let him split through your fingers because you don't know how to act when your around him, just come out with everything. Tell him how much you miss him and how much you LOVE Him and how much you don't want him to leave!

hpallister · Sep 27, 2007, 12:56 AM

I have tried that quite a few times though and it seems like he always backs away... I know exactly what you mean but he seems so decided that this is the right path for him, that his lfe is better without me because he can concentrate on himself. There've been moments where he's seemed unsure (saying he'll remain faithful to me,saying he'll think about counsellling etc) but then he just backs away again.

cerulean · Sep 27, 2007, 01:59 AM

Originally Posted by hpallister

You're right, and it's so true, I was scared because I have made peope my world before and been terribly hurt so I guess the things I did were a way of defending myself. I failed to see that when you becaome a couple you have to share. As an only child I guess I wasn't ready for this!

I would give anything to give him the relationship he wants. I just wish I could have his love and trust like I had before, I wish I could have done the growing up I've done in the past few months earlier.

Can you fall in love with someone you've been with before all over again?

Yes, because time makes your feelings change. It happens often. Sometimes you just need time to know how you feel about someone.

cerulean · Sep 27, 2007, 02:01 AM

Originally Posted by hpallister

I think the facebook reaction came from me havign had a myspacce before and him having been worried by the random men that emailed me on that (which I didn't invite at all, I have never even looked at another guy).

I am seeign him on sunday now to discuss the furniture and bills etc. Have no idea how to act around him, it's going to be so hard!
Do I tell him I'm still not on facebook? or do I avoid all discussion of what I did wrong completely? So confused.
x

If its possible to make your page "inactive" or to hide it that's the best thing for now. I know someone Im dating and he is so threatened by my myspace and I don't even take it seriously. I add everything and he actually believes I know all those people. I just add everyone to be nice.

Foxy459459 · Sep 27, 2007, 03:09 AM

Then you need to just keep telling him how much you love him and how much you messed up and want to make it work if you love him that much and want to be with him. You need to tell him everything that you have been telling us here. Maybe even try showing him what you posted on here with all your responses. I hope everything works our for you hun, I know what your going though I have been there before... Take care of you.

hpallister · Sep 27, 2007, 03:26 AM

Have you seen this work before? Most people are saying I should stick to no contact, but I feel there's so much I want to say... x

Foxy459459 · Sep 27, 2007, 03:42 AM

It worked for me before. You never give up on something that you love and want. If there's something that you want to say then say it. Because life is to short to hold anything back. Read my quote, If you love this man as much as you say you do and you have been happy and he was happy with you as well then you to must of shared a special bond, and that's not worth sitting back and giving up on. I just learned that about 5months ago. If you love him and want to be with him and have a future with him, and if you were the one who screwed up, then why would you sit back and say nothing? You're the one that has to make things right if you were the one to make them bad. Do you know what I mean?

hpallister · Sep 27, 2007, 03:58 AM

Yeha, you're right, I just feel like he's backed off completely and doesn't want to hear any more excuses or apologies, it's so hard to read him because he's not behaving like the person I know. So how do I apologise without only confirming the reasons he broke up with me? X

Chery · Sep 27, 2007, 04:03 AM

Originally Posted by hpallister

Have you seen this work before? Most people are saying I should stick to no contact, but I feel there's so much I want to say... x

Getting on your knees and begging him to listen to 'your side of the story' is a little too late.
From his perspective there was no 'sharing' in the relationship. You DID NOT communicate then, and he doubts (well founded) that you changed 180 degrees overnight, and trying to be the woman he wants. No matter what you do it's not going to work.. You've tried to talk to him and he wants you to flat out leave him alone. As far as the porno, hey.. he rightly feels this is none of your business. He wants a break.. that's a fact.
Not matter how much you want to set things straight (in your opinion) he is not receptive.
From what I have read in your posts, it seems that you've shirked your responsibilities before and are not actively working on yourself. You still have him on the brain ----- MOVE ON, stop thinking of how he would feel, how he would react, and how he has changed!! You and his mother cannot make him into someone you want.. He's a free man and well capable of making his own mind up. AND he has, HE's moving on.

It's time that you do the same. Move on, get yourself some help, work on issues of priority - Wishing him back is not moving forward. The sooner you get over this the sooner you can heal. It's tough, but we've got to face the painful parts in life too.

You know that this is not going to get you anywhere. This is a long walk you have to take on your own and the sooner you get started the better.

If you think I'm wrong, try making a list of all the times where you two were really happy together. Now also make a list of the times where you disappointed him. Really look at those lists side by side and be honest. Once you've done that (without justifying all of your mistakes), get back with us and we'll work on it together. Your therapist can help you with this little project too - just start working on yourself.. OK?

You should work on yourself and gain some strength back.

Foxy459459 · Sep 27, 2007, 04:06 AM

Stop apologising, and start telling him how you are trying to change keep asuring him that you love him and want to make it work. The words "im sorry" get real old real fast. That's why they say actions speak louder then words do. And you say that you are taking the right actions forward. When are you going to see him again? Hes not behaving like the person you knew because he is hurt and lost right now. He loves you I can bet, but he is afraid that you are going to do the same things again. You can't make him trust you, that is something that you have to earn back. And sometimes it take a LONG time. But most of the time its worth it in the end. You just have to be patient. Some great things are worth waiting for. Remember that. Try and make him listion to you, and how you feel. Just keep telling him how much you love him and how much you do not want to lose him. Tell him how you are going to counceling. And you are trying so hard to put forth and effort to change. And you want to do it with him.

hpallister · Sep 27, 2007, 04:20 AM

I really am feeling stronger and have come to recognise that being a part of a couple is about GIVING love as well as receiving it, and I can see how may actions didn't demonstrate the love I felt and still feel. I think I am moving on, but the memories of the friendship and love and good times hold me back every so often.

I just don't want to lose him from my life, I guess, which sounds selfish, but what I mean is that I want to share my life with him.

Foxy459459 · Sep 27, 2007, 04:25 AM

Then you need to tell him that and make him listen.

Chery · Sep 27, 2007, 04:28 AM

Originally Posted by hpallister

I really am feeling stronger and have come to recognise that being a part of a couple is about GIVING love as well as receiving it, and I can see how may actions didn't demonstrate the love I felt and still feel. I think I am moving on, but the memories of the friendship and love and good times hold me back every so often.

I just don't want to lose him from my life, I guess, which sounds selfish, but what I mean is that I want to share my life with him.

After working on yourself, there will come a time when you can see him and talk to him in another tone... that will take TIME.. could be weeks, months, even years. But what is important is what you are going to do with yourself in the meantime.. This and only this should be your current concern. It is just not good for either of you to be 'just friends' right now, no matter for what reason.

You'll make it, I promise, because we all made it too...

My first fiancé and I still communicate - after 30 years - so it is possible.

Time is on your side... use it wisely.

Foxy459459 · Sep 27, 2007, 04:44 AM

You need to decided what you want, if its him or just the thought of him. Because if you want him then tell him that if not you need to let him go and move on with your life.

Roxien · Sep 21, 2010, 06:57 AM

OK, you acted a bit immaturely by going out and not inviting him out, getting drunk and expecting him to pick you up late at night, etc, but what's this thing about Facebook and my space? Surely, if you were only talking to old school friends, I don't think this should have come into it. Just because you didn't tell him about it? Don't you have rights to your own privacy? What's wrong with that? You were not cheating on him, so why can't he compromise?